you laugh
at my attempts
to be better

maybe its not me
that needs to change

when you breathed
i breathed
because the most intimate
i could be with you
was when our breaths caressed
each other.

you send your impostor jellyfish
out into the great abyss
a storm cloud in a sky of shifting blue
seemingly innocent from where you stand
but really
you have repaid a gift with a curse
and your curse is mistaken for a gift
because what else would one repay a gift with
than another in return?

a head
of boyish amusement
and a heart
full of apathy
disguised as something akin to love

my vocabulary
is infinite
until im forced to put emotions
to words

then, i run dry

the problem is that
you are now in pieces
you
are
vulnerable
making it easier
for the wrong things
to build
and build
and build
you up again

my love
does not materialize
out of thin air
it is a product
of your words
your smiles
your laugh
so don't tell me
its not your fault im hurting

you flutter your eyelashes
as innocently as a butterfly flutters its wings
and yet you spit your poison
as viciously as a scorpion strikes its tail

love is described as:
flowers blooming
sunlight shining
red lips perking
broken hearts mending

and maybe love is all that
but it can also be:

flowers sagging
rain clouds swarming
grey lips drooping
and the newly mended hearts
slowly
unstitching
themselves

my words
are my voice
so when you scrunch them up
in your unforgiving fists
you may as well
be slapping me
right across the face

your soul
was black
but your heart
was blue
and so
you see
i fell for you

my photos
capture a moment in time
my drawings
capture a moment
i hope to occur
in this life
or the next

you are fed
so many lies
that eventually
it's not your fault
when they come
flowing out of you

You clench
Your fingers
Around my heart
And are surprised
When you find them
Covered
In blood

draw me a house
of lies
lies
lies
and then tell me it's me
who is blind
blind
blind

you think
you are exempt
from being blamed
for the pain your words caused
because you think
the words that came out of your mouth
are drifting,
dissolving,
in the air
forever lost
to the elements

they're not