you're delicate
you make me feel light and airy
you remind me of sunrises and
foggy, chilly mornings
and bright sunflowers
which are my favorite kind
you're soft and kind
you make me feel happy

and i want you to **** me with everything you've got

i want to be someone you can talk to
unload your struggles on,
let me hear them
i'll offer advice, if necessary
but above everything
i'll be an ear to listen
a shoulder to cry on
someone to hug you
to hold you when you're down

i'll be your distraction
i'm here to soften the blows
quiet the loud noises
and maybe boop your nose
whatever will help,
whatever you need,
i'm always here

it's in your head, darling
it's all in your head
it isn't real
you're making it up

you're so paranoid, baby
they don't think about you
not nearly as much as you assume
you're making it up

you're so pessimistic, honey
no one can be that bad
you're perfectly normal
you're making it up

you're so conceited, gorgeous
loving boys with your toes in the water
when they're up to their necks in you
you're making it up

you think too much, darling
no one analyzes this the way you do
no one cares as much as you do
but oh, what if they did?

I admire your each step,
I admire the mystery around you,
I admire each syllable of every poignant word you press to paper
and the words you do not.
I admire the love you proclaim to have for her,
and if I knew her,
I should think I'd admire her too.

I don't know you
nor shall I ever,
but I can still watch you walk the school halls
and wonder what makes you tick,
what your family does and doesn't do,
what you were like as a child
how you became like this
and how you are able to enchant the world with your writing-
making me eternally frustrated with my own-
ranking my words by whether or not you
like or comment or repost them-
which you don't,
thus I feel a failure.

You have a purpose with your words,
something to say
and you say it so strong
and with such beauty
and heartache
I crave the next time you post-
and I'll evermore continue to wonder
how you became so mighty.

Do you work on your poetry or is it natural?
is it because you read so much?
is it because you don't waste countless hours on the computer
or watch TV?
How did you become you
which is so admirable
and mysterious
and deep
and talented
and unique?

I know I don't have a right to ask these questions
and with what little I know about you
I certainly don't have the right to admire you
and I don't deserve to know your life story,
but I'd like to know anyways.

What's one more pill to a man who's taken thousands?
It depends;
if you're running out and you drop one under the fridge, it's enough to move the fridge.
If you've taken eight but can't seem to fall asleep one might just do the trick.
If you're trying to sober up one might mean starting the cycle again.

Aching with melancholic memories,
The sea stands, Freedom carving her wings, Beholden to nobody.
Each wave destroying the remaining morsels of empathy that she still harbours.
One cannot imprint themselves on water,
But footprints are etched onto the sand.
Here's a little secret though- the sand is but swallowed by the sea.
The colours contort from one gruesome grey to another.
The days she is blue, the beast lies dormant,
Waiting for the black to raise its ugly head.
So free I think,
Water turning to fire, defined only by her existence.
Everything pales in comparison, the sun, the sky, the clouds.
But then I realise- what is the sea? Where are her colours from?
She is nothing but a reflection of the sky.
Her moods influenced by the clouds.
Free? I laugh.
She is captured.

your eyes remind me
of the slightly overcast
january mornings
i spent walking at 6am
cold, crisp
blue and bright

i want to paint
my new bedroom walls
in the comfort i feel
when you smile
because of something i did
or said

and i want you
to feel happiness
because you deserve
only the best out of life

the future is uncertain
both of us know it
and we know to enjoy
the "now"
and the "then" will come
and only then
will we know what will happen

The bed was rocking so,
the movement of our bodies
caused my Rosary to fall on your face.

I'm not sure all that I want for you,
or all that I want from you,
but there are a few things I am certain of.

From you I would like a thousand more kisses,
two thousand more hugs
and maybe three more thousand kisses.

For you I want happiness. I want you to not have
to worry about him, be it your father, your friend,
your could-have-been lover.

But I understand that you need to figure out
how to not worry about these things on your own.
I can only wrap my arms around and hope to help.

For you I want happiness.
I want to be there for you
and for you I want happiness.

oh, babe, i know this is late
significantly after the fact
but as i've only now given myself time
to think, to let go
this is when it's coming out

oh, babe, i know you hate me
i've seen the words you've written
you can deny them, take them back
but it's too late
i know how you feel

oh, babe, i'm so sorry
it wasn't very kind
placing stinging words
in places where i knew you'd see
i was so angry, so sad, so frustrated
and i didn't know myself

oh, babe, i truly am sorry
to have made you cry
it's not what you deserved, not what you needed
and not what i wanted at all

although that was the problem, wasn't it?
what did i want?
i still don't know, babe,
but i know it can't be you
not anymore
because i'm lost, craving the love
you were so willing to give
from the heart of a boy
who refuses to give it
who can't give it
who wouldn't give it

so i seek out affections from the hearts of boys who could never love me
wrap myself in it, shield myself in it
use it to wipe away my tears
because it's harmless, isn't it?
we're just friends.

and maybe i would have loved you,
if you had given me more time
but i wasn't ready
and i wouldn't be ready
until it was much too late

and maybe i could have loved you,
if you had been less intense
your designed love was much too fast
                                                   too quick
                                                   too easy
                                                   too harsh

and maybe i should have loved you,
because you would have given me your all
invested every minute you could into me,
and truly loved me with everything you could


oh, babe, i'm desperately sorry
for tying your heartstrings around my fingers
along with the promises i didn't keep
dragging you along through every wave of emotion
it was an ocean you didn't need to see
but i knew you loved the water.