Andres

Andres Apr 2019

Ty
Can i see California in your eyes?
I ask myself all the time
Clear skies and a bright horizon
Or just stay at home, watch attack on titan
Palm trees and long leaves, how I’d dream of your Caribbean
By any means, do anything, and go round and round just swimming in
Can the beautiful sunset land your kiss upon my lips
Can i soak my hands in the west coast water that is your hips
May i have the honor to bathe in the sun that is your gaze
May i please have you all to myself and with no refrain
Could you mimic the ocean and rock me to sleep
Or could you mimic my thoughts and desire, desire, please desire to be with me?

unrequited acknowledgement of beauty and worth.

#unrequited #beauty #california #poetry #love #like #you #baby #boy #ty

Andres Apr 2019

Cortez

Cortez, theyre just running through my mind
Like track and field junior year
You want to cyph before class, but i don’t think that’s for the best
Look in your ****** eyes, but you had to change into sweats
I remember that afternoon, it’s in my mind all the time
You gave me your hoodie and went home like routine
Snuck out the back door and forgot to take me

White Cortez, but they’re ***** on the sides
Dirt on your pants, but never did you mind
You’re so versatile,
how you build up your walls and know when to break them down ?
At 16, i never would’ve guessed youd actually ditch town
A city on lights, like do you know what you’re leaving?
Persuasion and ideas, you know I’m still here waiting
Connection is rare, and with you, it was waning

Black Cortez, cleaned it up on the sides
Fade into dark Caesar, never did i mind
You smelled like axe and gelato, you probably taste so sweet
In my head, there’s a sword fight where two ends never meet
I hope you’re passing your tests, or training your chest
I still have your hoodie and i wear it here and there
I washed it so many times, but i didn’t think you’d care

SEP, where they prayed for me,
I remember you spoke to me about your goals
You told me you wanted to have a relationship with God
I told you i wanted love, i was a fraud
Spending every day of the year, you were mine
you were a physical manifestation of everything that was bound to be
A physical manifestation of everything attracted to she

Classic Cortez, lit up and you ran into class
Never expected you to fall so fast
You could roam the earth and be who you are
I just don’t want you to ever run too far

You don’t want me the same way i want you.

#reciprocation #love #cortez #nike #sneakers #boyfriend #rejections #high #school #puppy

Andres Mar 2019

undress

my head could last for days
my head could think up a hole
It would take me a minute to try to distinguish a cold shoulder from cold
or maybe I’m something nice looking to ****
With men, that just be my luck,
Never know if it’s something to fear or if it’s truly something to trust,
but baby, you should stay, my head told me you wanted to go
I can’t take another heart break, so my heart, let’s just take it slow
Do you mind just actually leaving,
It would hurt less without an explanation
I’ve never felt worthy of one longer than a couple words,
Lonely and broken in the heated train station
my feelings and ego go away as soon as i look at your eyes
But come right back up on late night train rides
I wanna text you, but you’ll probably be suffocated
don’t expect gifts on my birthday unless it’s belated
momma reminds me to not settle for less than I’m worth
but momma don’t know that for love I’m a serf, for love, I’ll rebirth
But no worries, the couch is super comfy tonight
Your quickest replies are the ones that say goodbye, or so it seems,
My head is spinning like carousels after hours and behind the scenes
Shoot my heart like you on a dolly, got every angle
Hold my hand like you know who i am, baby, what can you handle?
I’m a mess inside and when I’m without you it spews
So doctors resort to telling me
“Honey, go sit in the pews”
But prayer to god, pray to allah and mami, nada me sirve
Y mami, con este dolor, amor nunca me hace libre
So anxious, and nervous, with no repercussions
So baby hit hard, slept w several concussions
Not the ones you think you got
But the ones that hit you in parking lots
You thought he would love you, but you can’t be loved
You thought it was his treat, end nights in Hyatt’s
Rent out a Beamer, **** it, a fiat
And baby you got me
Baby you got me

I wish i could see you and look in your eyes
I’ll sing some long and distracting lullabies
Don’t focus on the man you never signed up for, hes been through it all
You really wanna find a place with some privacy when weather gets cold in the fall?
his sisters running his life
And his parents not fit for the world
and if these planets don’t stop ******* moving, i swear I’m just gonna hurl
My body is broken in all the right places
if i don’t leave, he’s smashing all the glass vases
I should relax, pay attention to what makes sense
I’m over here in round two with my brain, playing chess
If you have hidden motives, would you promise to reveal?
If i had all these scars, would you help me to heal?
I have important questions to the subjects that matter
if something doesn’t go my way, it’s mind over the latter
My feelings are unattached, it’s my brain getting it twisted
So i think I’ll just go home and get myself lifted
blowing through cartridges like my gameboys too brolic
Can’t go a day without it, like a ****** alcoholic
I like you a lot, but my feelings won’t grow
I stress you a lot, but only on the low
I **** with you heavy, but my body’s too light
we could share stories in a dark room restricted of sight
Maybe you could feel what i feel and see what i see
I learn thrown in the deep end, but forget all out in sea

i added some Spanish in there.
I’m trying to be vulnerable with you. Spanish is my family’s language, and it’s my family. To speak to and about you in Spanish is to do it fearlessly. Challenge your language.
I learned that as opposed to living a life that is full of prediction and control, you could live a more fulfilling life of vulnerability. Risk your emotions, be the first one to take that step. Life rewards those with growth.

#love #confusion #torment #vulnerability #control #and #predict #poem #anxiety #nervousness

Andres Feb 2019

home

home
“do you use pleasure as a sedative or luxury?”
if i answer you now,
can it still be fun for me?
If i allowed you my body, will it be in good hands?
And if i ask you to change, will you understand my commands?

But can’t we just have fun?

A mundane Monday, and it’s about to pass
All i gotta do is finish my work and get to class

But lord knows it can’t be
Can’t be that easy

Because if it was all mine, I’d share it all
Your love just feels like a prison
But without the privacy
It’s a grail, and it glistens
and it would; for the life of me
I sound sore and entitled, but it’s just that
It’s for those kinds of people; they wouldn’t understand
Until you switch your cards with the ones in their hand
you can ask me what’s wrong, but i won’t respond
You know what it is and have known for too long
I could tell what you felt, cause it’s more than you and me
I learn in the deep end, but forget it all out in sea

I’d **** for some place all to myself
Plaster the walls with my thoughts and my colors
collect all my past selves and say thanks to all of their mothers
Do some work and read in all corners
Make some art worthy of another meaning
I want to impress someone other than myself
To love somebody as if it’s for healing
Because whatever else it’s for is for lovers and i wouldn’t understand
Not unless you wanna tell me about it man to man
All in my place
I’d **** for a taste
Do you think it’d make me more rounded?
Would i become someone more understanding?
If i give you some space, could the moon be our landing?

I’m conceived through what if’s and to dos
Throw me into the wolves and I’ll lose but not without trying
It couldn’t be as hard as they make it seem
I dream in a room opposite of dying and i can’t remember what they’re like

sleep is the cousin of death, and my time is relative
I wish i could interpret my own time, but it’s under your sedative
You could say my pleasure is important, but to what extent?
Does what makes me happy matter to you?
Do you feel bad when i have less than you do?
I wonder what goes through your head when it comes to me
You see what goes through mine,
it doesn’t have its own pillow
It’s a guest in its own home
It’s a guest and it’s all alone
I thought I’d be accommodated at least
I don’t even have my own sheets

The world has no obligation to make sense to you
You have to make sure to treat it with the same respect
Invite it into your space, and show it around
and put it in its place, nail it to the ground
Don’t let yourself get tossed around, especially when you got nowhere to land
because people will pick you up and drop you with the same hand

love comes with a set of qualms
how do you deal with them?

#love #letting #go

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