What do you do when you realize youve made a mistake?
When the one who loved you left you alone and you moved on,
And now hes getting married and you dont know what to do.
You drink and drink and drink until you cant hear your heart beating
You drink till you forget to remember your own **** name.
You dont realize how much he affected you
How weak he made your knees
How beautiful he made you feel

Well he calls her beautiful now.
He calls her baby and love and baby girl
He calls her wife and he calls you stupid
Ignorant
Jealous
"The Ex"
And then you drink some more
What do you do when you lose someone important?

Im sorry i wasnt ready when you were
And i am now and youre no longer here
Youre off in the sunset with her and youre smiling your smiles.
Dancing like a fool and making jokes with friends
And im here
Still drinking
Still thinking
Still wishing
You were mine.

He was the sunshine in my rain
And when it became a monsoon
He simply smiled wider.

What do you do when your veins throb to the sound of the clock ticking?
What do you say when words have no sound?
What do you mean when you say you want to end it all?
What does it mean to ponder your existance?

As if you never noticed your best friends eyes
Never saw how small her smiles are.
Never understood why she locks herself away
Never saw her beat herself ****** while crying his name

How could you miss the way he held your hand,
When ten minutes prior he was dragging you around?
Why do you remember the space between his eyes
And his mother's southern drawl
How could you forget how he touched you so roughly

What do you do when your veins thhrob to the sound of the clock ticking?
What do you say when words have no sound?
What do you do when youve stopped thinking,
And burn your soul to the ground?

I feel like falling apart.
As if the paint was peeling off the walls and showing me my true reality.
I dont know what else to do
This existentially crippling feeling makes me want to ***** the lunch i never ate
Wanting to grab a shotgun and point it to my brain
Maybe then, ill end the pain

She kisses the boys and girls
that pay the most attention.
The boys play with vapor
and her girls play with tension.
I wish I was the only one
that she will decide to touch
but I am who I am
and, in a way, that is too much.

Sawblade-sunflower petals
wrap around an earthy cushion,
and the humidity hangs in the air
as her beige body is crumpled
and I feel too sober, pushing.

Baby yellow falls apart,
in her hair the flower starts
to trickle onto sheet and pillow,
decorating the absences
that define how hollow
she and I have felt before --
******* like an endangered species
on the killing floor, I whisper once,
I whisper sweet, "Don't you wish
that we didn't meet?"

She kisses the boys and girls
that give the most attention.
I played with vapor
and she played with tension.