She looks down at her body
And closes her blue eyes
It takes all of her self-control
To not start crying
Because as these girls are proclaiming
How proud they are to be skinny
The only thing she can think is
“I’m trying to be okay with myself.”
Because as she looks at her toes,
She sees her *******
And her stomach
And her feet
She thinks she’s so fat
Or so ugly
But so do caterpillars
Before they realize their potential
For butterflies

I know that the whole thing about love is it's who you miss at 2pm when you're busy, not 2am when you're lonely.
Baby it's 8:50pm and I'm as lonely as I've ever been.

I can't stand my friends when they're with their other, my love life is lived through them.
Its not that I want what they have,
Its that I want to feel warm arms around my body instead of the cold embrace of my AC.

It's that I want someone to run shivers down my back by placing their cold hands on my bare side and allow my body heat to warm them.
Its that I want to feel a deep passionate love.

Its that all it ever is is me and me alone.

Is that what you thought when I told you we were done?

Did you think to yourself "I hope you enjoy the cold arms of the lovers who don't actually love you?"
"You'll miss the way I looked at you"
"You'll miss the way I kissed you"
"You'll miss the way I loved you"

Did you think how happy you would be to see me so sad?
Because you know I can't help myself and I can't stay away from you,
Even if you're poison to my veins.

Did you, in after being months apart, me running to you, looking for shelter from the rain, have the joy in seeing my face twist in agony as you push me away?

Did you ask yourself if I ever loved you,
And convince yourself I didn't?
If leaving you twice times the same way was so simple so must the third
But darling I'm falling.

I'm falling into pits of my own darkness.

I saw a pencil sharpener and took out the blade.
I cleaned it and hid it and think about it every day.
And right after the thought of that I think of you and what you would say

You May not be my 2pm thought
But you're my thought at 9pm
When I tell my demons no
And throw my blade away.

Everyone always wants to live in the fast lane.
And they all tell me I should do the same.
But why should I?

I don't want to run by people who could enrich my life
I don't want to go a hundred miles a minute.

I want to enjoy life.
Stop and smell the flowers,
Not see them and say "oh how pretty"

I want to love hard,
Not much.

I want to feel the soft embrace of a dedicated lover
Not just of everyone who throws an offer my way.

If I'm being completely honest
As long as I reach the air and finally feel my colors change
I'm okay with whatever happens around me

And maybe when I jump in a car with some pals and scream with them "ROAD TRIP"
I'm okay with running a hundred miles a minute.

But someone, once I'm in that left lane,
Please remind me to stop and breathe.
Remind me that life isn't just the wind blowing in my hair or the music turned up loud

Life itself is hidden in the dull moments.

And don't just remind me that life is worth living through those dull moments
Remind me to cherish how slow things can go.
How beautiful people get when they show you their souls
And only in dull moments and awkward silences can you see that in them

Only in loneliness can you find out who you are when you stand alone

Always remind me of those things
Because when you start running like that you get addicted to the adrenalin

But if you slow down,
If you see how people are made of comets and stardust
Maybe you can see that you yourself are, too.

If you live your life in the left lane,
How can you take the proper exit?
The exits that hold the best times are off to the right.

Don't tell me to live in the fast lane.
I don't want to brush past people
I don't want to be inside this shell that keeps me from slowing down

Thanks for your offer, but I think I'm well off
I have flowers to smell and people to meet

My life is falling apart at my seams,
Im crying and im fighting,
Pulling out my hair and skin as i try to comprehend whats happened to us,

What happened to me?
What happened to you?
What have we become?

I dont even know which person im talking about anymore.
But the message is still the same for all of you

Im wounded and I'm scaring up now.
Im stressed and tugging at the skin again.
Hardly eating, barely breathing again.
Not living again.

But of course some of you dont know ive been in so much trouble before.
All you know is what I've told you, and that doesn't mean ive told you everything

Someone, im begging
Look into these eyes of mine and see whos really trapped inside
Shes screaming for help, crying even
But she doesnt know where exactly to turn

She knows noone is looking for her because they seem to enjoy her persona.
They seem to like how guarded she is and how much of a mystery she beholds.

Someone, please, see the zipper on my back and shed my facadé.
Someone help me reach myself.
Because the zipper is too far up my spine,
I can't reach it by myself, my arms don't bend that way.

And if noone is willing to help me, that's okay.
I understand it's a selfish thing to ask of you to save me.

But if you think of all the times I've helped you when you were in crisis of self,
Wouldn't it soothe your mind to help me be at peace as well?

No never mind, forget I said anything.
I'll just stay here with my arms bending in every direction,
Until I can finally grasp that zipper and let her breathe the fresh air once more.
Because after all,
Even superman needs a rest from flying high all the time.

I cant stand to see you this way
From your drooping eyelids to this cold stare youve begun to wear

I dont know who you are anymore
Some stranger who just happens to know the dark secrets i behold

My anxiety for who you tell is higher than before you fell

At first i waited and watched to see
How you would handle yourself to some degree
But the longer i stare the longer i wonder if youre even in there

Has this cold persona kicked you out of your skin?
I wonder where you have gone, my old friend.