Standing over the porcelain sink,
I find a girl I don’t recognize anymore
staring back at me.
Her eyes are sunken and lifeless.
Her smile has long faded
and her once lively complexion
pale from the lack of sunlight.
I can’t stand to look at my broken self.
Hope and faith are my most elaborate forms of self harm.
With every new hope, I die a little more inside,
because I know that in the end of it all.
My light for life is slowly dissipating as
I am always being brought back to my best friend,
disappointment.

I tried so hard,
I gave it my best,
I gave you my all,
but now there’s simply nothing left.

You stole my kind and innocent heart,
then proceeded to tear it in two.
Now I’m falling apart,
and I have no idea what to do.

Segregated by decisions,
scorched by the fire.
Confused by the words you speak,
I’m tempted by this burning desire.

I’m trying my best to live in the present,
but my mind is fixated on the past.
Not knowing what I will lose,
not even knowing what will last.

Blinded by fear,
drowning in this sea of doubt.
Struggling to be set free,
Looking for an escape route.

I’m starting to believe
that falling in love is just a hoax.
It’s completely twisted,
and if you’ve ever been in love,
you’d know.
You find someone you fancy,
someone you can imagine being with
until the end of time.
And it’s in that moment,
that you fall - you fall in love.
You begin to give your all,
your love, attention,
your time, and affection.
But in this imperfect world,
nothing is equal,
and nothing stays the same.
You can fight it all you want,
but seasons will change -
regardless of how much you try to seize the day.
But being in love impairs you.
You become blind to things
that are as apparent as
the tears that stream down your face.
You tell yourself it’s okay,
you brush it aside.
And it’s in that moment that you fall.
You literally fall.
You crash to the ground,
and I swear to God all your bones break.
You’re completely shattered,
but you don’t notice
because you’ve got this beautiful boy
whispering in your ear,
and kissing your neck -
and nothing else matters.
You’re in the moment,
and all is well.
But then he leaves,
and you suddenly feel it.
You feel everything.
And then you’re hysterically crying
on some bench in the neighborhood,
because it’s the only place
that doesn’t taste like him.
But still, you carry on,
day after day,
in this crazy, unrelenting cycle,
that we humans call love.

My being craves a sun so vibrant
an unwinding summer
for my wilted heart anew
Heat that gives the air such humid kisses
leaving it stifling, sweet, and sticky
Rays of fiery gold
that pierce my cold, pale, and weathered skin
Rushes of warm air flowing over my body
heating me up
burning my skin
melting away my makeup
and carrying away the emotions
that I wear on my sleeve
My heart is eager
to be naive, carefree, and open
I long to be freed
to burst like an overripe plum
These walls I’ve built up
are ready to fall

I’m curious,
So tell me.
Tell me how you do it.
I want to know how you can sit around,
While I’m falling apart.
Tell how you can look me in the eyes,
And choose to not care.
You think you know everything.
But this - this feeling I have,
You will never know.
If you want to know how I feel,
All you have to do is ask.
And I’ll tell you.
I’ll tell you that you were the first boy I ever loved.
You were the one who took my heart,
And locked it inside of yours.
You placed my fingers in between yours.
And in the end,
You took that heart and you shredded it to pieces.
You could have just ripped it in half.
Then it would be easier to put back together.
But instead,
You tore it,
Piece by piece you shredded it.
And nothing can fix it.
I am now just an empty void,
Afraid to love,
Because now there is only the fear of ruining
What I have tried so hard to build.
So tell me,
How can ignore what you’ve done to me?