Have you ever experienced
the disagreement between
your brain, heart, and body?
when brain heart and body just
outcry to each other
and then you lose?

I have once
when I had my firstlove
first heartbreak

I cried everday for months
everytime i closed my eyes
in the shower
in the bed
everytime i was alone
My brain told me not to cry
yes because i deserved better than him
because he didnt deserve my tears
but my heart hurts
i felt the physical pain in my chest
my body
that was the first argument between my brain, heart, and body

I loved dressing up and doing make up
I loved shopping
I loved watching movies
those all are my hobbies
but I stopped doing them all for months
I tried thousand times
because my brain told me that it was a good escape and healing
but my heart wasnt interested at all
and my body kept screaming to sleep

I loved sleeping
I'd rather spend my time to sleep
than play with my friends
but I couldnt sleep for 3 days straight
trust me
I closed my eyes for hours
but i just didnt sleep
and sleeping pill was my last choice

I loved food
but I couldnt eat for 3 days straight
I wish i was being over dramatic
but no
I couldnt eat not because i didnt want to eat
i wish it was the case
but no
Lord knows
i really wanted to eat
but every food that crept in my mouth
would be thrown out again
every single time
I just couldnt eat
literally for 3 days straight

My brain always gave the solutions that I really wanted
But my heart always seemed not interested
And my body rejected all the attempts that I did

that time...
I just didnt know what to do...
other than try to survive
and never give up to love
my brain
my heart
my body

Today marks the day
I realize something about myself
Something that i wish it wasnt true
Something that I never imagined for me to have an issue with
Something unexpected that could affect the rest of my life
I thought I could handle it
I thought everything was gonna be alright
I thought it was no big deal
I thought i would never be that girl
that girl who trusted his "live the moment, because this wont last forever" words
the girl who lived up to his "why afraid of the future when we can hold each other right now" words
that girl who put faith in his "even in the end it will hurt. it will all be worth it" words
that girl who believed that she was too young to know about forever
that girl who cared too much
that girl who loved too deep
that girl who spent months or years to move on

But i was that girl
And he made me realize that
love is not for a moment
love is forever

and I should not play with love
because i barely survive my first heartbreak

and i just realized it now
I am the girl who should love
a guy who knows about forever

I saw her today
The one whom
once used to be so broken
so damaged
so treacherous
I wanted to reach her
Asked her if she was okay
I took a step
She took a step back
She seemed scared
I dont know why
I tried to reach her
Then she screamed
It was me
who hurt her
Then I realized
she used to be my love for him

Misery
Depressions
Sadness
always solicit us to give up
and we give them the crowns
we are too drown into our own pain
that we become not to care
about those who scream help
because we close our eyes
not to see the world
and be blind
one blind man
turn into thousands blind men
until we realize
blindness
turn into darkness
and darkness turns into a world of despair
and finally
the world will die along with the humanity.

Everytime you touch her
She surrender
Please remember
She's just a girl
who needs a keeper

Love is not treacherous
Love does not lie
Love does not leave
Love is not weak
But your love is...

what if **** means love?
I *******
what if **** means hug?
**** me please
what if **** means kiss?
**** me slowly
what if **** means leave?
dont **** me
what if **** means hurt?
my heart ****
what if **** means give up?
I will not **** on you
what if **** means the world?
you mean **** to me
what if **** means you?
I would never let **** go
**** is a rude, impolite word
so is love
interrupting every corner of my life