Do you want to know what depression looks like?
Let me tell you.
It is not the story of the the skinny girl who will not consume calories and then the prince charming comes into the picture and sleeps with her in the most innocent sense to protect her. It does not involve him kissing her scars and saying they are beautiful.
No, in reality it is you by yourself. Alone. Sad. Scared.
Your body is painted in blood and you are crying so hard you practically throw up.
It is grotesque scars and cuts that you can not make up an excuse for because the cat does not cut that deep.
It is demons and blackness and fear.
It is the lonely nights that consume you.

It is you.

Black beads are my favorite
Red ones are okay but black are the best
They are perfectly round and the light glistens
off of them ever so slightly
It is addicting to collect them
When they disappear you just want more
These stupid black beads are ruining my life
I want them gone, but
They are a black hole,
******* you in and you can not escape.

It happened again tonight.
The demons came back
and they hit right where it hurts.
I feel so weak.
What is wrong with me?

It is a vicious cycle you see
you keep everything bottled up because you do not want to hurt people
you do not want to bother them with your petty, useless problems
but then it destroys you on the inside,
so by trying to not destroy and hurt people you end up hurting yourself.
You want to open up and tell someone about the storm in your head
but you push them away right before you hit your breaking point
because you are scared they will not understand,
and you let the storm continue to brew in your mind.
It is a paradox you see, by desperately trying to not ruin someone you ruin yourself but you do not realize because to you you are not a person, you are a mistake.