I wish I knew
How not to be sad.
How not to be angry,
And how not to feel pain.

I wish I knew
How to be happy.
How to enjoy life,
And how to leave the past behind.

I wish I knew
How to trust.
How to love myself,
And how to forget the harm.

I wish I knew
How to open up.
How to fight the dark,
And how to get rid of anger.

I wish I knew that
Not everyone is nice.
Not everyone wants to be friends,
And not everyone is kind.

I wish I knew that
Not all things are free.
Not all love is real,
And not all hope is true.

I wish I knew that
Not everything is joyful.
Not everything is beautiful,
And not everything is light.

I wish I knew that
Memories don't fade.
That words sting,
And scar for life.

I wish I knew
That my skies wouldn't clear.
That my demons would win,
And that I would give in to the darkness.

I guess it's time
To put this ruby red heart
Back in it's ebony chest
Along with a few pearls of wisdom,
A piece of broken jade for luck,
And a bit of sunshine for the warmth he once gave
Lock it up tight
With unbending iron and fright
I'll bury it deep
Swallow the key
With the only treasure map tattooed on my sleeve
Where I used to wear my heart
That once did beat

it’s midnight and my mind is racing
these thought of you left my mind baffling;
i have seen you in so many concepts,
i have portrayed you in so many stories
but i don’t know how to start.
i don’t know where to begin.

.

I punched the sun
and burnt my hands,
they blistered ‘fore my eyes

Because I want
just cloudy days
to fill my sorrowed skies

I used to like
the daylight hours
before she went away

Now I just can’t
accept the sun,
I want a cloudy day

And evening
doesn't help at all,
if it is coming near

Because I know
there’ll be a moon
upon the heavens clear

So I’ll keep punching
at the sun
with burns upon my skin

Until I can’t
fight anymore
or clouds return again

.

Take this, this poem
with torn, tattered edges
Stuff it in pockets
of jeans faded blue
Tell all the people
who teeter on ledges
Nothing is worse
if you have not a clue

Shatter this pen
flowing ink made of fire
Charring the castles
where dragon wings fly
Fanning the flames
that a sad heart has started
When every stanza
now ends in goodbye

Fracture the vase
that once sat in the window
Emerald green
with a chardonnay shine
Toss me the shards
till you see I am bleeding
Now have some cheesecake,
a nice glass of wine

Bury these dreams
so they fade in the morning
Hidden from sunlight
and coated in dew
Roll out the leaves
in the cover of autumn
Springtime for me
is now long overdue

writing
gives my mind
a voice.