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Oct 2018 · 592
Pit
Alex Smith Oct 2018
Pit
Love is the pit
I find myself in
Too many times
To be forgotten by another
Who probably didn't deserve me
Or maybe I didn't deserve them:
Friends
Lovers
Family
I don't.

Love is like a pit,
And I slipped from the edge.
And when I fall,
I fall hard.
Meh
Oct 2018 · 1.5k
Nightshade Salad
Alex Smith Oct 2018
Sweet bitter tastes touch my tongue,
Turning knots of nothingness.
Regret, relief, repose, rewind-
Take a poison-
Ease my mind.
Calm me down now.
Soon, there will be no pain.
Little toxins leak tenderly
And I feel better.
These kind chemicals
Was over me
Like a wave of pure water-
Droplets fall from the skies:
My eyes.
Cries, and sighs.
Breathe a last breath,
We are all ok.
Take this vegetation,
Take life away.
A nightshade salad,
My perfect deadly nutrition.
Swallow down those berries,
Eat the flowers and leaves.
My favorite plant
Will appease
The emptiness inside of me.
Deadly nightshade-
Belladonna.
The purple beauty of
Dreams of death.
A metaphor using some of my favorite plants. The nightshade family is known to have very beautiful and very significant flowering plants. They are incredibly resilient as well and can grow almost anywhere. The only problem is that they also can be deadly. It's an interested and beautiful duality.
Oct 2018 · 314
Evil
Alex Smith Oct 2018
Cruella de Ville
Is a devil,
And still,
I am dishevelled.
So maybe I’m evil
With atomic bombs
Of explosive excited
Anger.
And pain.
And fading away
Everything that I saved-
All my intelligence
That once stayed
Is going to lay
Around and waste.
I am dumb for this
I put up with this
I am a curse-
So feel my poisonous kiss
And become tainted too.
I am evil-
So don’t let the evil get to you.
Just what goes on in my head sometimes when I feel bleh about myself.
Oct 2018 · 252
A Devil in Me
Alex Smith Oct 2018
I looked the devil in the eyes
Last night.
His eyes looked a lot like mine.
I saw that they shimmered,
And shined,
In the inner
Sanctum of constant
Compliments and regards from
Kind kin.
But the devil is in me.
Angry-
I am angry.
Mad-
I am mad.
Glad,
The Hell is that?
A devil in me,
Selling my soul
For something I wanted to be.
I am owned-
Ignoring friends on my phone-
Now throw me, the bad dog,
A bone.
And watch him never come back.
My horns stick out
And cut my wrists like thorns.
Abore,
Abhor
Those who stay a float
And find their way to shore
To a heaven greater than mine,
Keeping you all in my mind
Trust me, I will be fine
Even if the devil’s soul
Turns out to be mine.
And maybe it should
Or maybe I could,
Be good
And greater
Than what the baphomet
Has set for me aside.
My future,
My life,
Might be a hero or a god
This time.
I have a tendency to start my poems out negatively and end them positively. Sorry if this construction is weird, it's just part of my writing process.
Oct 2018 · 423
Dream
Alex Smith Oct 2018
I had a dream of the time
We were born.
We lived beautifully in the city
Of wombs.
We clapped our hands and laughed.
We drank the paint dry
And the colors of the rainbow changed.
We began to be wanted,
To be embraced,
To be loved.
And we became unable to walk alone.

We laughed at each other,
Devoting our love to only toys.
Those untouchable,
Unbreakable,
Unshakeable
Sick and mentally-ill children;
I want to break them with easy words!

The ******* set fire
In a faraway town,
Someone died.
Beckoned by lemmings,
At the end of the world,
We arrived-
But somehow survived
The apocalypse
Of our own design
Armed with weapons of paper and a pen,
Vowing to not let people
Hurt us again.
But none of that saved me
From the disgrace I felt
At the End.
A rewritten version of the literal translation of the song Munou. New lines and stanzas were added.
Oct 2018 · 326
Happy Pills
Alex Smith Oct 2018
Medicate me, I’m a mess.
A ****** up forgotten trash bag.
Smiles begin to sag,
And I feel less like myself.
Trapped in an everlasting personal Hell.
My life has always been a scale
Of playing it safe and false alarms.
I gave myself scars to prove
Pain on the outside doesn’t match up
With what I feel inside.
Disgusting depression degrading me still
Fill me up with a happy pill.
Don’t spiral me downward,
Sustain me with sweet serotonin.
I want to feel mania
Wash over me.
Artificially make me happy,
I am your robot to program now.
No longer to live of my own volition.
A pill can save me,
Less likely to be stuck with
Worthless self-pity.
Prozac, Lexapro; other reuptake
Suppressants.
I am coming to love antidepressants.
A junior ***** to be;
Pop these drugs,
Be set free.
Ironic, isn’t it?
Jail cells made from
Prescription bottles
Are supposed to liberate me
From constant sadness.
But, how can that be?
With a chemical to rely on,
I am not actually free.
I am doomed.
I am crazy.
This is who I am.
I will never be normal.
Just a little longer,
I’ll be fine when life kills.
Guess I’ll **** down more happy pills.
Oct 2018 · 555
Sometimes
Alex Smith Oct 2018
I remember when I was
Self-conscious.
Sure, I still have my struggles-
Little negative thoughts navigate
Through nothingness natively out of
My mouth.
But, sometimes I like to think
I am the greatest.
Sometimes, I like what I do.
Through and through,
I try to keep this thought true,
Take something I learned and
Share it with you.
I feel new,
Just sometimes.
As if I am not who I was back then.
As if depression never took me,
And if social anxiety
Was a construct of pseudoscience.
Sometimes I feel stronger,
As if I can take on the world;
By my own hero,
And save the ones I love.
Sometimes, I feel the sunshine
And the weight lift from my shoulder.
The older
I get, the longer it stays.
I am getting better,
Or maybe I was never
Ill in the first place.
I can do things
Other cannot,
But also learn from those same people.
I can grow as me-
Stop the burning and cutting
And constant lonely late night crying.
I am free to be balanced
And to be me
And happy.
Sometimes, just sometimes,
I get a glimpse of the time if those moments
Became my everytime.
And then I smile, and breathe
Just breathe.
And continue to think of myself
As broken, but still beautiful

— The End —