There is a time these feelings come back so intensely.
On other times...
they are a passing thought.
I don't blame it on the lack of care but...
I tried to want,
I tried to wait,
to be here...
the space given couldn't even accommodate the start of what I actually felt.

I am at a point where I let part(s) of myself go.
Those that I outgrow and don't work for me no more.
It is black, white, grey, blue...
many are colors of hope,
some are those of pain.

I know...
A woman's gotta live,
and when she is drowning,
she has to fight here way up and allow herself to breath again.

She then finds a safe home within herself before looking for it in other people and places.

For a moment, I thought I'd crash.
I actually saw myself falling fast, in my head.
What is hope?
Especially when you've waited for that one thing,
that one person who never gets to walk with you.
I was just left with a step.
A single choice.
To either fall for real, or to rise from all this.
Being human isn't easy.
You are never sure whether you are one breath away from losing it or having it all.

Then, bang! You actually lose it all.
Maybe you were too woman, too extra, sigh!
Didn't give enough,
had fear or --
anything that would make you not feel worthy.
.
What I have learnt through growth is that--
time allows you to to rise above all this--
before it kills you inside.
If you actually give yourself a chance to heal and get it together,
the universe synchronizes in your favor.
Life to life.
Strength to strength.

"...we fall, we hurt.
on our way down,
we pick so many things.
the betrayal, the regrets and
the sad truths that led us to that fall.
can you pick yourself up when you crash on the ground?
those tiny pieces of you, can you pick them up and mend you again?
one thing, don't fall on the same place that tripped you.
know when your seasons are grey.
don't be too blind to notice the black and white.
stay you