I could never fathom a pain more painful than losing you once, until you came back and I was forced to lose you twice.

The first time we'd spoken in months
you typed "hey"
seeing your name on my screen put a rock in my gut
before I knew I was choking on air
tears streaming down my face in the middle of a crowded street
I don't know why I'm shook up this is the game that you play
the minute my heart is about to cut the very last string
you show up with your candy man smile
and eyes made of gold
I can't help but stop in my tracks to stare
but you'd think after months you'd come up with a better line than 3 little letters ******* with a bow
like nothing went wrong
like we were still each others homes
well I've been homeless for months and In all this time alone
I've thought about all of the things I would say
If I ever did come across your face
I of course didn't say any of those things I have been running like a track in my mind instead I typed "hey"
Theres no way 3 letters is all we have to say to each other after everything has happened
I have so much to say so much to scream
I know you do too
so why not take a leap for once in your life?
why not take the risk of saying how you feel?
I know you're scared but baby so am I
we used to make each other feel safe.
can we try that again?

My tender lover
how I miss your warmth
two young bodies colliding at the very edge of world
I wish I could be like you
have no hard feelings
look at the pictures and feel absolutely nothing
I know you hate when my nostalgia comes around
but my love
all these poems are written in your name
you promised that you'd stay
And I promised I'd be here
through the poor and bad
cold heart and all yeah that's what I said
But you iced me out, thats what you do
I never come running this is the truth
you turned your back and never looked again  
I suppose I never imagined I'd be the receiving end
of your frostbite
how am I supposed to have no hard feelings
it doesn't make sense when the memories keep repeating
you once told me you were my home
these days
I find myself drinking alone
and writing you poem after ******* poem
Now I lay in my bed,
drunk, cold and stripped down to the bone  
because the only one man I ever did loved
struck me right in the heart
he didn't think twice
so maybe I'm desperate
just a little unwell
but don't tell my love, no hard feelings
after you dropped a ******* bombshell

It would be unfair to allow you to move forward
as I'm stuck here in our memories
It would be a great unjustice
to allow your heart to be whole as mine remains shattered from your slippery hands
I meant what I said on that very first night
you'll never forget a girl like me
you see holding a girl with fire as a heart
keeps you warm but when it burns it's sure to leave a scar
I want you to know I won't let you forget me
I'll lace myself in every past memory
I'll connect my heart into every relationship you dare to hold
Maybe I should've warned you that girls like me have a bite louder than their bark and when we snarl
we mean business
If I were you I'd keep your eyes wide
because I solemnly swear
I'll never abandon you from sight
every corner you turn
every time you glance over your shoulder
the remains of a girl once loved by you will remain
I won't be easy to dust off your shoes
just remember my love
you were the man who dared
to love a girl like me
and it was your mistake to promise a forever
to a girl who would believe you

Our love is a ghost
lurking among the shadows
pouncing about in the darkness of my mind
I knew you were special
but I never knew the inner workings of your soul
would intertwine themselves between the deepest places
of my mind
These days I only see you in the dark
your face is a scar only to be recovered
in the early hours of the quiet morning
I can't take the silence
because as soon as the quiet starts
the voices begin
they are deafening
your voice is on repeat
I toss and I turn
but I cannot shake the feeling of your body laying close to mine
tears stream down my face for no reason at all
it's been months
your gone so why are you still here?
our love is a ghost
my life has become a never ending haunting
an old home movie that runs on repeat
I've missed the quiet since the day I met you
in the darkest of moments I find myself dreaming
we never crosses lines at all
what a sick turn of events
our love turned to nightmares
and the dream is that
we never even existed

- you cut too deep

1
You were my first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first grown up moment
older, seemily sophisticated
you had this idea that the world was lucky to have you in it
a god complex like no other
and let me tell you, you had 15 year old me,
convinced
I felt lucky
I felt old and sophisticated
and although
you were just a bump in my road
I'm thankful I knew someone like you
I think of you from time to time
I remember you with giggles
and innocence
as well as with ice cream and tears
oh how sweet and naive a 15 year old can be
#2
You've always been my favorite.
stood tall, sweet
you thought I was the best thing that ever happened to you
I swear you would've tried to move those mountains
just to see me dance with a smile
you loved me with pure intentions
and a sparkle in your eye
I'm sorry I ruined that love story for you
you deserve a great love story more than any of us
to the first boy I ever loved,
it felt like magic. didn't it?
heart flutters and forehead kisses
faded all too quickly
I think of you from time to time
I hope you find the girl who holds your great love story in the palm of her hands
oh how sweet a first love can be
#3
I call you the lion in poems
you took whatever innocence I had left in my fragile frame
I never had seem evil with my own two eyes until I met yours
you gave me a pit in my stomach and a fear in my heart
you showed me some actions can never earn forgiveness
and some people are so ugly
they don't deserve love
I think of you from time to time
especially in the nightmares
I hope you shutter at the thought of my name
thanks for teaching me how to bring a power hungry man to his ******* knees
I won't forget that lesson
oh how sweet a corrupt man can be
#4
my muse
you have been the subject of my words since the day I laid eyes on you
brilliant, brave and bold
you are the root of any and all
of my inspiration
how could anyone not fall for you
no one ever warned me about the sad brown eyes
and the sulky smile
no one ever told me the greatest loves
make for the most epic heartbreaks
you are a wicked man my love
but if there's anything this heart of mine beats for
it's a troubled boy begging for a home
I let you in, no trouble at all
it's getting you out, thats been a little more difficult
I think of you all the time
days on end, minutes on high
my mind is polluted with the images you left for me to find
I hope you know,
my baby is you. till the end of time
oh how troubling a life saving love
can be