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I know why I scare you.
I can be kind and unknowingly fierce,
So open and so closed,
Perfect and flawed,
All at the same time.
I know I can be trusted
But know I'm not.
I'm not one you can predict.
I fight great battles
And lose, and rejoice in the loss.
I speak parables and pain
Blessings and burdens.
I see so many dimensions.
That don't exist for you.
I barter for slavery instead of freedom
And walk naked among angels
That you can't see.
I talk to the dead
Because they listen.  
And am feared though I have no power
Over you.
I'm not accepted because I'm different.
I don't see an end or a goal
I see enlightenment.  
I can brush my teeth with Dickinson
And cook with Aurelius.
Introduce them to each other
At lunch.
A canopy of trees is a squirrel's playground to me.
I am quite often misunderstood
And conceived to be crazy.
But when I see a bird I watch it
As long as it takes for that bird to go.  
And wonder if anyone will ever
Watch me for that long.
This empty space
Is so cold
There is numbness here
A slowing of life , of thought
Occasionally visited by a confused delusion in a half waking dream
That leaves too soon
There is no life here
Only death
Hope left an age ago
I just wait now
Mourning is done
And I spin...
A centrifuge of nausea
With chunks of ***** floating by
In a decided manner
And the air thins as awareness fades
Just how long will this take?
They never really taught me that in astronaut school.
She said," You live just a bit too far,
Too far from where the people are
To see the industry of the day
Or to hear the children as they play."
I replied," I live just far enough away
To see all that heaven will display
And hear God's voice when I pray,
A shame you don't live too far as well,
For this is where the angels dwell."
I could speak long on heartbreak.
I've known it pure and known it true.
But what poor converse that would make
I won't do that to you.

Besides you have all of your own ****
That has left you beaten too.
And,"no," I don't want to hear about it
I don't care that much for you.

Let's just leave our pasts in the past
For it's the po-lite thing to do
"My day was fine. I'm glad you asked!"
Now pretend you like me too.
'Twas not a death of ceaseless breathing,
But rather one of love deceiving,
From which the soul did die.
And by doing so, then guided pleasure,
To a grave no one could measure,
Beneath a weary sky.
Without a stake even for its leaving,
Or further thought of its conceiving,
It quietly held its own,
Appearing no worse for the heaving
Sighing less heavily while bereaving,
A spot no tree had grown.
 Apr 2016 A Thomas Hawkins
I have a few words
but they are brittle, easily fragmented.
Not pretty in their frailty- just broken.
That moment
     when you look into his eyes
  You see past the scars
          the hurts, the pains
      And all the lies
           through to their core
  feeling and knowing a love
    than you've ever felt before
  finally realizing
        You found the one
you've been searching your whole life for
        blessed with their presence
   And doomed to love them forever
as they are the reason for your existence

            That moment
    in which you can feel
        your life change forever
  that you've finally reached
              the end
      of a long, tiring endeavor

     That moment
  does not hit everyone
            the same
but if you miss that chance
    it could mean a life filled with
           endless pain
 Sep 2015 A Thomas Hawkins
The moment I laid my eyes on you,
        I knew,
           you were a dream that would never,
                come true.
Sometimes I sleep

                                just to escape

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