Touch me,
it doesn't matter where
and it doesnt matter how
I need to know I'm still alive
so someone touch me now
Shake my hand and say hello
or pat me on the back
kiss me on the cheek
that I may feel this sense I lack
slap my face and pull my hair
make me bleed I just don't care
dig your nails into my skin
so I can feed this need within
I've been numb for such a time
that even pain would be sublime
so touch me, touch me now
I don't care where, I don't care how

There's a reason there's a path outside your door
that leads to a road
that leads to an interstate,
that leads to an airport.

And there's a reason that planes fly from that airport
to one near here.

Same reason that airport has a road
that leads to a highway
a highway that they are repairing as we speak
that leads to my town
to a path that leads to my door

And its not just coincidence.

Any more than its coincidence that you are reading this.

The people that come into our lives
do so for a reason
It may only be for a day or a month
or may just be for a season

But when two paths cross, no matter how brief
There's a lesson somewhere to be learned
It may be just that we're on the wrong path
and there's a corner that needs to be turned

It may be to teach us that we can still fly
and soar in the heavens above
or it may be a brief and torrid affair
to show us that we can still love

And maybe my words are speaking to you
and I'm part of some message you need
To show you the signs that surround you
so between the lines you can read.

Would you miss me
if I was no longer here
would you notice I was missing
would you even shed a tear

Would you think back
to all the things you never said
would you find time to write that letter
would you wish it had been read

Would you follow me
or try to find out where I'd gone
would you wish you'd made the effort
would you admit you got it wrong

Would you wish now
that you'd decided not to wait
Would you read this in the future
and curse you were too late?

Is our path laid out before us,
or is it something that we choose?
Are we guaranteed a victory,
is success just ours to lose?

How much free will do we have,
if any after all,
it seems when things are on the up,
that is when we fall.

Is that the way its meant to be?
A life of ups and downs,
ever shifting waters,
in which we're doomed to drown?

Or do the choices that we make,
determine how life goes?
I'd like to think this is the case,
but who amongst us knows?

When I close my eyes to sleep at night,
I see you lying there,
alone in bed so far away,
it just doesn't seem quite fair.

If wishes worked like magic,
that's not what I would see.
For you would be much closer,
lying next to me.

Your head would be upon my chest,
your leg draped over mine.
Softly, you'd be sleeping,
and life would be just fine.

And as I drifted off to sleep,
your arms would hold me tight.
Together we would dream the truth,
of this and every night.

That this is how we're meant to be,
together, intertwined.
Just look at all the paths we took,
each other just to find.

Is it wrong to want to see you
to know just where we stand
To take a walk along the beach
together hand in hand.

To talk about each other
and say just what we feel
about this and that and everything
just the thought seems so surreal

Is it possible to find someone
who's both a lover and a friend
As our boundaries of discussion
have no limits, have no end

And that for me, well its a first
to be so open, laid so bare
yet without slightest hesitation
we let ourselves be guided there

I cant help but think and wonder,
as I sit here on the sand
when we'll walk here together
you and I just hand in hand.

Time for some originality methinks
this copy paste world of ours, well it stinks
sincerity became a thing of the past
as people got lazy and obsessed with fast

No time for honesty bout the way that you feel
originality gone at the turn of a wheel
a right click here and a left click there
and we use others words to show that we care

Well enough of being lazy and thoughtless I say
Lets go back and do things the old fashioned way
Where you said what you meant
and you meant what you said
And took time to write words
you knew would be read

Its hard to wrap emails in ribbons and bows
As for Facebook and messenger
who knows where that goes
So give me some paper and a pen every time
And I will sit down and think,
and then write you a line

My words may make you smile
and they may make you weep
But I choose them with care
to build something you'll keep.

Close your eyes
and imagine a kiss
filled with longing
and passionate bliss
Feel my hands
about your waist
see if you can
my yearning taste
And as intensity
starts to grow
Hold me tight
don't let me go
Pull me closer
to your breast
see if this dream
will pass the test
If pulse has quickened
and cheeks have flushed
then follow this dream
to me you must.

Love isn't...
forever like they say
Love isn't...
something that never fades away

Love isn't...
all the lies and the deceit
Love isn't...
just what goes on between the sheets

Love isn't...
where you expect that it will be
Love isn't...
something new to you or me

Love isn't...
dependent on being rich or being poor
Love isn't...
something I remember anymore

Love isn't...
insecurity and doubt
Love isn't...
something I want to be without

Love isn't...
always happiness and laughter
Love isn't...
sadly, happy ever after.

I wish I was Canadian
so this could be my game
But here I stand in GM place
And scream and shout the same

I watch the puck, the stick the skates
and marvel at the skill
As gladiators prowl the ice
Hunting for the ****

Across the blue the offence moves
bearing down once more
A pass, a fake a sudden slap
it's in the goal we SCORE

The crowd goes wild and shouts with joy
our voices become one
And in that moment, I join their ranks
I am Canadian !!!

And I thought I was doing so well

I had this mask on and everything was fine and nobody suspected anything was wrong. Nobody knew you’d gone, why would they?

I’d even started to convince myself that I was going to be ok. That this time it wasn’t going to be as painful. That this time it wasn’t going to hurt quite so much.

After all we’d just never see or hear from each other again right? That always makes it easier to forget, once the pain goes. I mean its not like I didn’t try to talk to you to get you to hear my side but I never got the chance. So it was on with the mask and on with life as best I could.

Sure a couple of people noticed something was up but they just figured it was too much work or allergies and being guys knew better than to ask just in case I actually told them. We do things like that to each other, guys do.

But then today happened.

Today you came back ever so briefly, at least I think you did. You saw the mask and never bothered to look beyond. Just like everyone else.

You saw the mask and thought everything was fine when you couldn’t be further from the truth.

You thought everything was fine and that I’d moved on and I haven’t. I’m still in the ******* ******* hole I’ve been in ever since you left. But how would you know. Why would you even care to find out. You left. You went. You and me, we were done. Because that’s what you wanted. Because you couldn’t see a future in it.

But then why did you come back?

If you had something to say you should have said it. You really should have said it.

I can still smell your perfume, you know.

I can still taste you.

I close my eye’s, and, you are still there.

This mask, this façade, this act that you think is about someone else is all about you. It always has been. These things I’ve written since you’ve been gone are things I wrote before you left. But couldn’t finish.

Now I finish them as a way of keeping you around. Pathetic isnt it.

And now the irony of it all, the true irony, it’s not what you think you know, but it’s that you may never know whats really happening.

Because I didn’t want the world to know just how broken I was.

Just how broken I am

Because until today,

even I didn’t know.

One day we'll take a roadtrip
together you and me
and drive across the country
just to see what we can see

We'll start off on the east coast
and slowly head out west
we'll get there when we get there
cos taking time is best

we'll stop when the mood takes us
and find a place to stay
get a room recharge our batteries
and if we like it spend the day

We'll eat sandwiches and picnics
eat in and take out too
The world will be our oyster
with no rules for me and you

Cellphones and swimming pools.
ne'er the twain should meet.
The result can only be bad,
same for lawnmowers and feet.

You're little works of art
lined up there on my plate
You look so ******* ****
I want to masticate

I lick my lips and swallow hard
struggling to chose whats next
The perfect juxtaposition
between seafood and ***

Like autumn leaves upon the river
and icebergs in the spring
I'm a captive of the current
driven by anothers whim

It seems I am adrift again
once more carried by the wind
with no anchor chains to hold me
nor ropes to bind me in

Will there ever be stability
within this soul of mine
will I ever find the one
that becomes the tie that binds

What are the chances we should meet,
and find our hearts share a single beat?
That to look in your eyes would reveal a soul,
that has what mine lacks and makes me whole?

What are the chances, can you tell me this,
that our love may one day be sealed with a kiss?
That despite starting off so far far away,
our lives grow entwined each and every day?

What are the chances together we might,
emerge from the darkness and into the light?
That one day I'll awake with you by my side,
and our love for each other need no longer hide?

Today I felt the sun upon my face
stretched out my arms and welcomed its embrace
with the breeze upon my skin
my life was purged of all past sin
a life reborn after a fall from grace

Sometimes in the night
when I’m alone and cannot sleep
I picture you and I
but it’s a thing I cannot keep

For its not yet a memory
but a waking dream of mine
a fantasy of someday
just waiting for a sign

A sign that says you see it too
that into your dreams I creep
a dream of which you dare not speak
a secret sworn to keep

If thats the case then hear me now
speak up, do not be scared
It's better to have loved and lost
than thought nobody cared.

I remember Sunday dinner
that granny used to make
enough to feed an army
piled on each and every plate

three kinds of potatoes
boiled, mashed and roast
Chicken, pork & roast beef
and a glass of wine to toast

and veggies from her garden
that grew right there herself
no canned corn from Guatemala
would you find upon her shelf

there'd be carrots, peas and parnips
brocolli & cabbage too
and anything that wasn't ate
ended up in her famous stew

but desserts, they were the best bit
there was custard, pies and tarts
an the only bad thing 'bout it all
was knowing where to start

Is there a place that one can go
to truly be alone
to escape the hustle of our lives
and traffics monotone
Is there a place where I can sit
notepad and pen in hand
And capture the true nature
of this majestic land.
My needs are very simple
just somewhere to rest my head
with a simple little woodstove
and a comfortable bed
I have no need of music
for nature plays my song
I will fall asleep to crickets
and awake to sparrows throng
I will read alone by candlelight
the poems of the day
And think of friends I left behind
who would love to live this way
But for now all this is just a dream
that one day may come true
And it seems a little closer
no that its been shared with you

Like sentinels of days gone by
They're silhouettes against the sky
A headstone for those still below
A monument we proudly show

Of times when our tin was the very best
when quality counted not paying less
When the work was hard and the day was long
And the mines were filled by the miners song

Their hymns tell tales of life in the deeps
where darkness surrounds and dampness creeps
where disaster can be just a minute away
and you thanked the lord for every day

For generations all our menfolk
proudly joined the line
never once imagining
that we'd outlast the mine

Smell of fresh cut grass
Calls forth unexpected chill
Dark clouds rolling in

Home is not a proper place
has no address, no fixed abode

It may not lay along a certain path
or at the end of any road

For each of us its different
what makes it so we cannot see

For myself I know that I'm not there
whenever you are not with me

My home exists within your hand
when it is wrapped in mine

When our bodies come together
a warm embrace, legs intertwined

Geographically speaking
home can be here, it can be there

but there is no place' feels more like home
than the pillow that we share.

Nothing lasts forever or so it seems

In time the sun will burn itself out and cease to bring life as we know it.
Even the very ground upon which we stand is slowly dying.

Why then do we expect so much of the fragile notion that is love?

Why do we hope beyond hope, beyond the wildest possibilities of hope that one day, maybe, just one day, that perfect person will stumble into our lives and want to stay. Forever.

Is it because we refuse to not believe in forever?

Or is it because we are only interested in our own forever? But that makes no sense, why not just say for the rest of our lives?

Because the rest of our lives isn't long enough.

Because the rest of our lives is a mere drop in the ocean of time that we wish to swim in with each other.

But forever is, well, forever.

Forever is beyond death, beyond time, beyond limits of any kind.

Because only in forever can we give enough of ourselves to do justice to what love really should be.

Because love really should last forever, even if nothing else does.

Follow me on Twitter @athomashawkins
http://twitter.com/athomashawkins

As kids we played soldiers
sticks were our guns
our words were our bullets
we had hours of fun

But for kids in Uganda
it isn't the same
not since Joseph Kony
took over the game

He forced them to fight
and he forced them to ****
while we stood by and did nothing
lacking knowledge and will

But let this be the year
that it comes to an end
that there's visible justice
for invisible children

Because Joseph Kony
we're coming for you
stopping at nothing
and there's **** all you can do

http://vimeo.com/invisible/kony2012

One day I awoke, strangely to find
the person I used to be gone, left behind

Somewhere, somehow, I became someone new
Who was much less like me, and a lot more like you

The changes were subtle, I did not even know
Until people asked me, just where did "you" go?

It appears I gave up being me just to please
the person I once proposed to from my knees

But the strangest thing is, I did not even see
the way you genetically, modified me

I looked like the me, that everyone knew
but instead of myself, to you I was true

And now that I see it, and begin to turn back
you're angry and bitter and start to attack

You think that there's someone else I now see
But don't see how that someone else can be me

I don't like the person, with you I became
It's not all your fault though, I'm partly to blame.

And just as I let you make me not the same
it is I that must choose my old self to reclaim

So from now on my dear our ways we must part
There's no place anymore for you in my heart

I'll put myself first, be alone for a while
Until I can look in the mirror and smile

And see there once more who I used to be
the reclaimed original version of me

Did you know that since I met you I haven’t finished a single cup of coffee,

or had a dream that I could remember

or gone to bed the same day that I got up?

I’m not complaining mind you.

I just find it intriguing the little things you have changed in my life without even realising it,

without any effort.

My life used to be mostly empty, as in devoid of things, vacuous perhaps, if that means like a vacuum. I mean there was lots of space in it that wasn’t filled with anything in particular.

But you have managed to fill all of that nothingness up.

The times when I used to sit here and daydream about nothing, suddenly there you are.

When I close my eyes before going to sleep and used to spend on average seven minutes thinking of nothing (and that a scientific fact not one I made up) I now spend (on average) seven minutes thinking about you.

In that fraction of a second when breathing in turns to breathing out, there you are.

In that fraction of a second when I blink, its you I see.

Because its you I yearn for. Because its you I want to have and hold and kiss and caress and so much more that I dare not write, even in a poem.

But how?

How did you do this?

How did you invade my very psyche, my soul, my spirit so completely so effortlessly and with such subtlety that I never even noticed. Until I noticed. And its not like I noticed you were here and watched as you spread to there but you were suddenly everywhere.

Places no one else had ever been before.

Ever.

Places that people I had known for much longer and much more intimately had never been able to reach.

And yet there you are.

Sitting on a swing.

Waiting.

I just wish I knew what for.

When you turn a blind eye
I know you still see
it just means its ok
what he's doing to me

You think of yourself
and what you have to lose
every time he comes home
stinking of *****

Turning your back
gives the ok to do
whatever to me
so he don't do it to you

I hope that its worth it
all the **** that you'd lose
to you let me your son
become bruised and abused

You dont hear the screams
or the cries in the night
or the slaps and the punches
when I put up a fight

But don't worry about me
cos I died long ago
just forgot to lie down
so that no one would know

There's nowhere I can run
and nowhere I can hide
When folks tried to help
you just stood there and lied

Well lie about this
when this poem gets read
the truth will come out
they'll know why I'm dead

They'll know that you knew
and you turned a blind eye
right up to the day
I decided to die

For the longest time now
I've been dead inside
well enough of this ****
I got nothing to hide

I was only a kid
that was destined to lose
so his ***** of a mom
got her smokes and her *****

And her **** of a boyfriend
that twisted old ****
got his pleasure from kids
or as he called me her "runt"

You should know when you read this
fore the razor bit down
that I emailed this poem
to the papers in town

I hope that you find me
and it fills you with pride
try and turn a blind eye
now you've nowhere to hide

I know that you can see me
because you turn your eyes away
and I know that you can hear me
by the things you do not say
How can we be so far apart
when I'm stood right by your side
Is there any chance you'd find me
if I chose to run and hide?
I feel just like a ghost sometimes
yet I'm the one that's haunted
by memories of happy times
not times by isolation taunted
My life is a frosted  vacuum
at least to me that's how it seems
where no one can see my tears
and not a soul can hear my screams

I'm giving up the rat race
gonna quit my job
Gonna go live off the land
an organic enviro-snob

Gonna grow my own potatoes
carrots, peas and beans
Live off fruits and vegetable
eat lots of salad greens

My food will taste like proper food
not of wax or pesticides
And every day I will receive
a big thanks from my insides

I'll generate my power
form a windmill or two
then hydro bill and services
I'll say good bye to you

For work I'll tend my garden,
chop down trees for fire-wood
I'll be getting so much exercise
I'll never have felt so good

To relax I'll keep on writing
poems such as this
telling of the good life
sharing all my bliss

Is it better to have loved and lost,
than never loved at all,
when the price of losing climbs so high,
and yet ignorance stays small?

When Karma comes a calling
are you gonna run and hide
or quickly do the math first
while that knot forms up inside

or will you sit with open arms
a smile upon your face
knowing that your Karma's good
based on how you ran the race

or will you be like me
a nervous optimist lets say
I think I'm gonna be alright
long as Karma don't come today

Why are the things I want so far away?
and its like they're drifting further every day
will there ever come a time
when she is really mine
Why are the things I want so far away?

Is it really any wonder I cant sleep?
When there's aspects of my life that make me weep
I wonder if I'll ever get it
and stop being so pathetic
Is it really any wonder I can't sleep?

Will someone end this misery and pain
and tell me if there's sun beyond the rain
will we ever get the chance
to laugh and play and dance
Or am I doomed to go through this again

My life is a spiral of debt and despair
The pressure upon me is too much to bear
So I sit in my bedsit surrounded by bills
In one hand a bottle, the other, some pills
And I think to myself, has it really come to "this"?

I cant live with the shame of the things that occured
It was not meant to happen, I give you my word
Now I stand on the cliff and look down at the sea
And it feels like the only way out for me
And I think to myself, how did it ever come to "this"?

I once had a job and life was so sweet
Then it all went wrong and now I live on the street
I've fallen so far that I beg with a cup
My life is worth nothing, nothing to give up
And I think to myself, how can I carry on like "this"?

Think not of the why or the hows or the pain
There are people to help you start over again
There are friends out there that you've yet to meet
Who's purpose in life to give you new feet
To stand on your own and start over again
just so that you know "this" is not how it ends

Blacktop, soft top, foot upon the gas
Highway, my way, miles of haulin' ***

singalong, bringalong music for the day
iTunes, my tunes, soundtrack all the way

sunshine, fun time, havin such a blast
drivin, arrivin, trading poetry for gas

Top down, drop down time for us to chill
Line up, sign up, still got three seats to fill.

I spend my days
trying not to cave
or give in to this sense of despair
but inside I'm drowning in panic
as I fight to the surface for air

At night while in bed it continues
there is no escape
it would seem
inevitably once I fall asleep
I awaken again with a scream

I don't know where it comes from
or how it gets into my head
but I don't get the chance
to dream any more
as nightmares appear in their stead

My body is beaten and tired
exhausted again here I lay
watching the clock
as the numbers count down
to another miserable day

let's trade places you and I
and see what it like from the other side
would I want you as much if you were me
and if I were you would I yearn to be free

would you tread time like water waiting for me
would I rush through my day so your words I could see
would I check my phone the way that you do
to see if a text or an email came through

and would you sit at a screen and search for the words
that scatter like seeds left out for the birds
and try to pick out the ones that are real
the ones when combined that show how I feel

and would you start over and over again
giving thanks for a keyboard instead of a pen
thinking how trees must be glad that I write on a screen
and not on scrap paper tossed out by the ream

at the end of the day when we came face to face
would I be just like you with your poise and your grace
and would you be sat there trying for cool
while feeling inside like a kid still in school

I'm assuming of course that were different inside
yet both going about working out how to hide
the truth of the feelings we're longing to share
the breadth and the depth of just how much we care

so if we traded places and I became you
could I do the things that I ask you to do
and if you became me could you easily wait
or would you, like me, be afraid of "too late"

WHAT IF TIME IS RUNNING OUT?

What if time is running out, there's so much I've yet to do
see the sunrise in the desert, watch it set from Kathmandu

Meditate in Angkor Wat, eat Sushi in Hong Kong
its been nearly 40 years now, you think she changed while I was gone

Scuba dive the Barrier Reef, go snowboarding and live
Make my peace with everyone, because there's nothing to forgive

Explore India like locals do, travel on top the train
armed with my black umbrella, just in case it starts to rain

Pay my parents back for everything, for all the love they shared
Find a way to tell them thank you, that does justice to how they cared

To show my son how much I love him, and how proud of him I am
and how that once scared little boy, has turned into a man.

Tell my sister she's the best there is, that I am proud of her
and ask for her forgiveness, that I was not the brother she deserved

So, what if time is running out, there's so much I haven't done
there's one more thing left on my list, to see if you're the one.

There are so many words inside me
that I feel I need to say
But circumstance and other stuff
is always in the way

Every time we get the chance to talk
one of us has to go
So the words keep building up inside
I wish it wasn't so

So I took a chance, I wrote it down
and sent it in the mail
In the hope at least you'll read my words
even if to no avail

At least I'll know I said my piece
that alone will do me good
But will the words upon the paper
reach you in ways I never could

Another time, another place
perhaps then it would make sense
but for now its just too painful
watching you sit upon the fence
The timing was not ours to choose
for surely if it were
You wouldn't have to make a choice
nor I 'tween you and her
But choose I did and you I did
I give to you my all
but there you sit upon the fence
unsure which side to fall
And so I ask you one last time
who your choice is please just say
put us both out of our misery
and let the wounded walk away
Another time, another place
perhaps then it would make sense
perhaps then our paths would never cross
and we would keep our innocence

Do you yearn for me
the way I yearn for you
do you wish perhaps for something
that both of us could do

Do wish that we could play with time
fast forward to the day
when we are here together
and all doubts were cast away

At least then we would yearn no more
for then we would both know
just what it is thats going one
so we could plan or let things go

In time with thought you'll make your choice
and put an end to how I ache
until then I'll fight this yearning
lest it be more than I can take

The uncomfortable smile
that you wear on your face
Your self confessed klutzness
and perceived lack of grace

The things that you say
and the things that you do
are just some of the things
I like about you

Like the stillest of waters
you run so deep
and the words that you share
are the treasures I'll keep

You're honest and modest
and fragile yet strong
and yet so uncertain
of where you belong

Let go of your past
leave your baggage behind
and trust in your heart
and just see what you find

You may be surprised
at how good things can be
If you let yourself go
let yourself become free

sometimes the words just don't come
the thoughts and feelings are there
untainted emotions
so raw they cannot be touched
so fragile do they seem, that the slightest contact would shatter them and scatter them to the four corners of my very soul
this is what really lies within me
this is what I cannot bring myself to share
all history has been stripped and I am left with only me
this is the part of me that no one knows
this is whats left
this is the price I dare not pay

That unexpected surge of passion
who knows from whence it came
But we just had to have each other
over and again

Barely time to make it through the door
before clothing it got shed
no time to waste on buttons
things just got ripped off instead

fumbled for a light switch
staggered 'long the hall
moonlight through the windows
as family photo's started to fall

dining table cleared
in a single one armed sweep
who cares about the noise
it's too late to be discrete

skirts lifted to save time
******* just pulled to one side
belts undone, zippers ripped open
so suddenly inside

a display so animal in nature
as your nails dug in my back
groans of passion fill the air
patience was all we lacked

Eventually its over
****** acheived, ****** shared
panting in the moonlight
bodies naked, passions bared

This doesn't happen every day
and maybe never will again
That unexpected surge of passion
who knows from whence it came

The unanswered phone calls,
the unopened mail,
the half pack of cigarettes,
all witnessed the tale.

The half eaten sandwich,
the fully drunk scotch,
the out of date calendar,
the unticking watch.

The smell of stale sweat,
and the stains on the sheet.
The small empty bottle,
the drug store receipt.

This is the story,
of the unshaven guy,
alone in the bedroom,
escaping the lie.