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We never took pictures together
because you don't like how big your eyes are
I would drown in them for you
but you would be too busy
watching the sunrise to notice.
You have glasses because you're blind
But they aren't the right prescription
because you still don't see your beauty.

I remember the night you had me drive
two hours away from the city lights
just so you could point out
all the constellations you memorized
when you were younger.
I let you go on and on about stars,
waiting for you to mention the way
you outshine all of them
But you kissed me instead
and I think that was even better.

Even when Summer faded out,
you would always smell like sunshine.
I wanted to live forever in the daydream
of you and me walking along the shoreline.
Your laughter was synonymous
with sunflowers
and how everytime you caught sight of them
you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.

But that should have been my warning sign
because Russia's official flower is the Sunflower
and ever since you left
I've traded water for *****
and this winter has been unusually rainy
but it's still too bright for me to go outside.
 Jan 2015 Philip J Fry
ryn
Tornado
 Jan 2015 Philip J Fry
ryn
.
             *the *future is...a tornado of uncertain-
          ty• a swirling vortex, in its centre is
me•such power and speed, can ne-
ver see•can never foretell, it's hid-  
den debris•like clockwork, it will        
   make contact•by the second, bra-        
cing for next impact•the past is...      
  yet another•wild winds that echo      
     my mistakes as reminder•this twis-         
      ter within...tearing with no remo-    
           rse•destroying confident strong-
             holds, breaking feebly boarded
           doors•can't ease the rage...eat-
    en from the inside•won't stop
until...my beating heart had
        died•the present is...only this  
   frail little body•fighting huge 
battles that come incessantly  
  •fending off the future, con-        
    taining the past•not know-            
ing how long.......this disas-       
ter would last•but I'm still      
   here.....still holding integ-         
   rity......•still fighting this       
war waged in history's        
folly•will i be settl-
ed? will the winds
ever abate?•
will i ever
      come to    
terms...?
will i
ever
    acc-
          ept
                     fa      
                 t
               e
             ?
             •
it's simple really, nostalgia is buried in a melody
the same way humans are put in coffins--
deliberately heart-wrenching, a science.
an old transistor radio climbs lazily in the background,
buzzing, humming but then hear it--
blank stares as the road carries on, gradually,
slow mascara rivulets kiss cheeks like the intimacy long forgotten only to come rushing back--
songs that we said were ours were never ours to have,
an old familiar lyric that we claimed to spell destiny,
auditory memories that taunt and torture:
the chorus only instigates barbed thorns to lonesome hearts,
major chords aren't happy,
but cause discordance--
clenched fists on the steering wheel, you must pullover--
you can't pause or rewind, you can't stop--
yes, change the channel--
but the music still plays, and the riffs hang in your head,
remembered and reminisced over static--
but nothing is white noise when the final notes linger on your auditory palette,
the taste like the stare of a cold gravestone...

but even colder still,
the empty seat next to you.
ouch.
 Jan 2015 Philip J Fry
Em
idk
 Jan 2015 Philip J Fry
Em
idk
Why am I doing this to myself?
This is exactly what I let myself go through two years ago.
I literally spend all day being angry at you but as soon as I see a message from you I seem to forget it.
Why?
What is it about you that makes me feel so invincible?
What makes me think that any part of what you say is true and that you won't just leave when you're through with me just like every other person before you.
How can I even begin to think that this is different?
I can't stop myself from falling.
I've ignored all of the red flags, passed all of the danger signs.
It's as if I'm coming up to a cliff and can't help but peek over.
I know that you're coming from behind just to push me over.
You won't fall with me.
We won't land together.
I'll eventually realize I'm falling by myself, and when I reach the bottom I'll be the only one there to pick up the pieces.
written 1.3.15
Take a knife and cut me up
If you hate me you won't stop
Make me feel the pain within
As your slitting through my skin
Make me weaker as I bleed
For your mercy make me plead
Hear me screaming in the dark
As you leave your painful mark
Blood is running down my face
As my beauty you erase
Trying to cut through every vein
On your shirt your leaving stains
I wish you knew I didn't care
If you hurt me everywhere
You can slit my skin apart
But you can't cut
Through my broken heart
 Jan 2015 Philip J Fry
baz
rations
 Jan 2015 Philip J Fry
baz
tonight i realized
that you do not entirely belong to me

and that the best days
really are the first to flee
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