That Night…

That certain night I came to him with reverence
And I was like a goddess and he the worshipper
I accepted his offerings of passion not because
He was the sole pilgrim to my pantheon of love
But since I heard his supplications to cherish me.


My tears mingled with his just like our ardor in a cup
And we will drink it for many days and nights later
My soul and his were in cased in a time capsule
That both of us could easily open in the far future
To fill the lonely winter nights to balance our sanity.


Then I started to wish that summer would never cease
But the leaves started to fall hard just like my dreams
As I looked at him packing his things the next morn
He said farewell and went to war and to his people
But at least I was…

A goddess that night and my enemy was my devotee.

more than 20 years in fact
more than 10 years without knowing
if someone found me beautiful or adorable
6 years since that first drunken french kiss
more than 14 years of people asking me
"Why? Why don't you have someone?"

I sent myself valentines card
I stole a single rose from a bunch
which my friends received from others
I begged for that piece of chocolate from them
wishing someone would hopelessly give me
a token of their admiration

I've been alone too long that I forgot
what if feels like to love someone passionately
to have a simple crush to make me feel giddy
to send someone love letters and confess
"I Love You even if you don't feel the same way"

I've been alone too long that I'm liking it
and feeling guilty to romance me, myself and I
and I'm afraid that I can't open up for another
because it's been too long now
or maybe it's too late already...

I suddenly remember watching you
Sobbed heavily while praying for "him"
"He" - who broke your heart many times
The one who contributed those tears

I remember well the day when you told us
All the "what - ifs" on this earth and life
What would I say if you left him - forever?
I answered silently, "I am now one of them"

Those tears were a testament of pain
Of certain sacrifices a mother did
Clinging to something - complete family
And I never understood everything -

I sadly bathe in that pool of your eyes
Wondering if I would become like you
It was then I realized that dreadful curse
Which embraced you and your sisters -

I detested then - everything I knew
Of softness, of dependency, of letting go
My heart was a rock founded by your tears
I vowed never to surrender to anyone -

I would never ever let another hurt me
And I prayed that my womb be closed
That my heart be locked with no keys
That my body be frigid from any touch

Years passed and I am successful with that
Yet a certain longing creeps unto me -
I wallow in the pit of my own curse
But this ends with me - I am the end!

He told me that he loves you truly
And also he cherishes me dearly
As a friend or as a lover I do not know
I do not want to know –

He has great plans for the future you see
He mentioned to me his wonderful dreams
I do not know if it includes me or not
I do not want to know –

He visits me on Mondays and Thursdays
He said you deserve the weekends
Sundays are for family he told me
What am I then - ?

I looked as you got out from the house
I was suddenly swayed by your manliness
So lovely and rugged in your checkered shirt
Dark beard so scruffy and muscles so rippling.

You slowly walked towards me like a panther
The birds suddenly sang ting a ling a ling ding ****
You slowly stretched your arms and whispered
Huh? But I cannot hear what you say, what is it?

Are you going to **** me at this very moment?
With just your looks you can but I beg you don’t!
You sized me up and down and I was scared but then
Thank goodness you are simply a Lumbersexual.

You opened the zipper of your worn-out jeans
Ooohh! What a huge “hatchet” you have there
You poured everything and I accepted silently
I cannot complain nor retreat for I am just a tree!