The day I die,
When my soul leaves my body,
It is light as a feather, pure and smiling.
10/6/2023

With my death
My journey ends
Heaven or hell
I am done

Click, click
Scroll, scroll
Light shine in my face
Clock is ticking
As I lie awake

What time is it now?
Doesn’t even matter
The birds will chirp soon
I’ll hear all the clatter

My family waking,
Breakfast will cook
“You’re up early!”
But sleep I never took

Click, click
Scroll, scroll
Tap, tap
Roll, roll

Side to side
I rocked all night
A comfortable spot?
No, not quite.

Time to get up, another restless night.

the more that i drink,

the closer you're here,

the better i feel,

if i could be there.

the more that i drink,

the less that is there,

the better i feel,

i don't want to hear.

the more that i drink,

the less they will know,

the better i'll feel,

the less i am here.

the more that i drink,

the less i could care,

the more that i bear,

the less you are here,

but i'll try to be here.

You deserved to feel safe
and i'm sorry the pressure to be more
Will always be crazy and cruel
And I wish I had saved you,
Being young was meant to be all fun and games
Not torture and pain
And i'm sorry it took so long
To start fixing us up
We fantasied about a better place
One with love and smiles
not bruises and cuts,
Scary ex's and nightmares
We've always had to be strong
and plan for definite futures
Someday we meet someone with a heart of gold
and loose them to our fears
Don't be afraid of the good
It keeps us safe and not our fears

I cannot lose what fills
   my heart more than blood
   my lungs more than air
   myself more than me

I still wear the lotion you liked 10 years ago
and I feel at peace when I smell you on my skin.
In a decade
someone will hold more of your heart
but I will have all your best memories
and your strongest feelings
and your loveliest moments.
Ours was the best love story
that was never told.