When I space out
I’m not in lala land.

I’m in the depths of hell
Drowning alone.

I’m not skipping amongst flowers
With a lover holding my hand.

I’m alone suffering my self inflicted pain.
Even if I’m surrounded by my people.

So don’t wave your hand in front of my face.
And make me pretend to be happy with you.

Just let me suffer alone.

On the floor music blasting in my ears.
The music echoing in my aching chest.
Every anxious thought striking me with fear.
Leaving me cloudy and depressed.

The artists music reflecting their pain.
That makes me feel like they are with me.
Like being dry in the rain.

It’s looks so perfect.
Somehow in those 60 seconds,
Everything aligns so perfectly,
I just stare at the clock,
How good times looks.

But now it reminds me
Of how imperfect life is for me now
I lost someone so perfect,
Who always made me feel so aligned.

I would stare into those rich eyes,
Like I stare at the clock,
And things would feel perfect.
But others just see us as ugly.

So now when I look at the clock
I don’t see 11:11
I see you.
Baby,
You’re my 11:11 forever.

It’s not my fault
Is what I’m trying really hard to believe.
But you are the sweetest
So how can someone like you do this to me.o

It’s not my fault,
I keep telling myself.
I was ******* drunk,
You shouldn’t have take my yes legitimate.

It’s not my fault,
It’s hard to believe you would take advantage like that.
I’m usually the problem .
But it wasn’t mine this once.

It’s not my fault,
You should have know better,
I think you did.
You just knew I would never allow this sober.

It’s not my fault
you jumped at my “yes”
Then had the nerve to say the next day
I would never without consent.

I’m trying so hard to quiet that voice,
Keep repeating to myself,
It’s not my fault,
But I think it’s my fault.

Here I am laying on the floor,
Locked all the doors.
I cut and drank,
The ship already sank.

I’ll do it again,
I feel so **** shaken.
Hurting and numb all over,
It would be worse if I was sober.

When they call me to come down,
I’ll drag myself up and wipe the frown.
Won’t be a difficult child,
To my pain, everyone is blind.

I miss being cherished by you
Saying to you I love you too
Falling asleep to you breathing
Being the first I talk to in the morning

I wonder what your doing now
I wish to hug you somehow
But all I feel is an ache in my chest
But to be loved by you I was truly blessed

I think of us when I lay in bed
And all the sudden I feel your warmth spread
But it’s not the same and makes me miss you more
I wish you would know it’s you who I cry for.

My hero doesn’t wear a cape,
She wears scars that are deepest.

My hero isn’t tall and strong,
She 4’11 and her shoe size is 5.

Although along her journey she may have saved lives,
The best life she saved was her own.

She doesn’t have trophies to show for her triumphs.
Nor recognized approval from the world.

Had every excuse to succumb and admit defeat,
But from the recesses of hell she came crawling.

I only know some of what she went through,
But even the smallest still makes her my hero.

When I talk to her and tell her my pain,
My thoughts flow from my mouth without hesitation.

She gives me hope and I feel less alone,
I speak to her like I speak to no other.

My hero is saving me from falling too deep,
My hero is wrapping me in her cape.