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 Jan 2018 Ivan Brooks Sr
Angelica
I love you... In a different kind of way,
In a "you before me" kind of way.
In a "what do you need?" kind of way.

I love you,
in a "you don't even have to speak" kind of way.
In An "I'll never leave" kind of way.

I love you
In a "calm down just breathe" kind of way.
In a "I'll massage your feet." kind of way.
In a "you can have my seat." kind of way.

I love you in a new kind of way.
In a "I'm vulnerable but I trust you" kind of way.
And an "I know you love me" kind of way.

I Love you in an "I was blind but now I see" kind of way.
 Jan 2018 Ivan Brooks Sr
M
Sit
 Jan 2018 Ivan Brooks Sr
M
Sit
Sit, stare at wildflowers
Humans have no roots
Chaining us to
Soil
Nothing to save us
From life's trampling boots
As We sit and watch the wildflowers
i've always wanted to get a tattoo.
"wow, just like every rebellious teen out there, huh?", you say.
that is not true.
what i want are three simple, minimalistic markings.
one tattoo, i would like on my hip.
very small, barely noticeable.
three dots.
one blue, one purple, one pink.
one tattoo, i would like on my chest, far to the side.
once again, small, unnoticeable.
a small yellow and black heart.
to honor those i've lost.
and the last tattoo,
i would like four little symbols to keep me grounded.
tiny, on my left wrist.
the first symbol is a collection of wavy lines,
the second a small cloud,
the third is a incomplete box,
and the last is a heart.

breathe, relax, think, be.
I miss the old you.
I wish I could still
Be allowed to hold you
Close in my arms on
Sunday mornings
And feel you kiss my
Neck late Friday nights.

I wish I could still
Hold your arm going
Into a restaurant at night
I wish I could still
Tell people that I was yours
And you are mine.

But that’s not what life has
In store for us right now.
For when I left you is when
You truly showed your power.
When you truly started
Taking care of yourself
And loving yourself unconditionally
And to me that’s worth
More than anything
I’d feel so selfishly.

I’m not trying to say it
Was all sunshine
And rainbows
It wasn’t.
But just your body
And heart
Wrapped around mine in the dark
Is a feeling I’m accostomed

Goodbye baby
Are you feeling crazy
Like me
Goodbye baby
I’ve been losing
My mind
Lately.

The worst goodbyes
Are the ones
That you know
You could’ve stopped
Hungover maybe still drunk ranting stuff
I hate this feeling. I just wanna numb myself so bad.
It's funny how I can love myself so much and hours later hate myself more than anything in the world

You know I wish I could always be happy, focus on the positive like you always say. But I can't because that's not who I am

I wish I could take the words you say, that mental disorders are just ****** labels used by therapist to **** us of our money. But I can't pretend any longer.

I'm sick. And I can't help it.

I scratch myself to release pain, inflict emotional pain on myself, listen to the voice in my head and let them take over me I mean who does that??

I do....

I wasn't born this way, well I don't remember when I was born. But I know there was a day and age where happiness was what I inhaled and peace was what I exhaled. Where I believed unicorns existed and I could run on rainbows.

Now I wake up looking forward to cold and rainy days just so I won't have to face the world.

I'm sick.

I just can't help it.
 Jan 2018 Ivan Brooks Sr
Yanamari
Many times do I deny
The reasons why
I feel the pain that I do,
Vying to forget
And cause myself
To suffer ever longer.

But I can only try to
Run away
As I know that these feelings
Will only fray
As they are left
Unobservable by you.

How do I know?
I don't.
But you never saw these feelings
Even though you knew.

And if I were to wait for
Your gaze to fall upon
My stranded feelings
It would be too late.

So that's why I ran away,
Even if my heart is forever stranded,
It'd be easier to forget your smile,
Your voice,
And your soul
And avoid wasting away the
Little strength I have left.
What is it that he celebrates today,
The oncoming of the frost or the passing of time?

Beneath his feet the water
Scintillates with a flame liquid -
Silver -
A transmutation of fire
Fuelled by the tears of his mother,
In whose waves he sailed to Sicily.

Bayreuth, Germany, looked like a frozen Sahara
With the local colors, and a pale-blue train
He had taken in Rome, at the "Stazione Termini.”

She: her body was carved in Napoli
He: his hair was planted in Carthage,
But both sought another knowledge
In Tübingen or perhaps in Konstanz.

She said, “I would sail from here to there,
Like you did from where you were,

But I would lose the rattle of your absence,
And that would be what makes all the difference”!
© LazharBouazzi, January 27, 2018
call me selfish
(i am)
call me scared
(more than you know)
all i know is
(and thats not much)
i can't stand the thought
(but I think so much)
of you
(the best friend ive had in years)
replacing me
(it always happens)
when i love you so much
(i have poured my soul out to you)
so i go
(like always)

and hide
(i'm so sorry)
some thoughts
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