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Angelica Aug 2018
How freeing it would be to feel pretty.
To have vanity written all over me.
To look my worst and feel my best,
To keep my eyes open when I'm undressed.
To never have my confidence put to the test.
How freeing it must be to have been so blessed.

But instead,
Taking a shower is something I dread.
And looking in the mirror I cry so loud I cant hear the voice in my head.
And I think about how I have to be pretty even if it leaves me dead.
Angelica Aug 2018
Sometimes you pull me on your lap and kiss my face.
And every time I worry that your little legs will break.
And for ***** sake,
stop touching my stomach ... I dont know how much more of this I can take.

My biggest fear
Is that one day my boyfriend won't be able to pick me up.
That he'll break up with me because my weight is too much
and he's had enough...
So I don't eat enough.

It's kind of ****** up.
Angelica Jan 2018
I love you... In a different kind of way,
In a "you before me" kind of way.
In a "what do you need?" kind of way.

I love you,
in a "you don't even have to speak" kind of way.
In An "I'll never leave" kind of way.

I love you
In a "calm down just breathe" kind of way.
In a "I'll massage your feet." kind of way.
In a "you can have my seat." kind of way.

I love you in a new kind of way.
In a "I'm vulnerable but I trust you" kind of way.
And an "I know you love me" kind of way.

I Love you in an "I was blind but now I see" kind of way.
  Jan 2018 Angelica
Existential me
I love her.
No not ******* worldly,
But softly, purely , celestially.
Not necessarily, just completely,
selfishly and I'm sorry.
I love her unconditionally, some say unconventionally.
But they don't understand me.
Yes...I love her.
Most spiritually, asexually, platonically and wholly.
I love her, truly, honestly, musically and poetically...
She doesn't have to love me.
Your looks may fade... my love shall not.
  Jan 2018 Angelica
Am I really a poet,
If all I ever write about,
Is you?
Feeling insecure today.
Angelica May 2017
When we all hold hands
and peacefully sing kumbaya,
it's not real.

it doesn't heal our open wounds
it doesn't fix our broken pieces.
it allows us to glue instead of repair.
to ignore the ugly.

We are beautiful only
When we walk as a pack
like wolves
chest held out,
heads held high.

When we lock arms
and march en masse.
inviting people of any
race,sexuality or social class.
chanting,”all are welcome love is fair’

We are safe when the laughter rises up
and the gunshots die down.
when we heal as one
and mentally expand in unison.

Oakland is safe only when we unite.
when we fall down but get back up.
when we put band aids to our wounds.

When we take our broken parts to the shop,
we are strong.
it makes our waters run more smoothly
and our hearts more understanding.

We are safe only when we allow ourselves to be beautiful
when we take every step together
when all are welcome,
love is fair.
Angelica Apr 2017
Make it hard for me to think straight .
When you touch me...
I can't remember my own name .
When I am asked who I am,
I tell them "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm his".
And every time you lace your hands in mine,
the euphoria of your love fills me from the inside.
Your lips dancing with those of my own
***** away all of the sadness I'd had tucked In the depths of my belly.
I imagine a life without you,
and forget why it is I need to breathe.
And I'm sorry,
that when we're alone, all I want you to do is hold me.
And I'm sorry that I'm so clumsy,
but it's only because my mind is so preoccupied with your eyes,
And you make my head all ****** up,
but truth is... I can't seem to get enough
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