Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed

As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin

At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong

I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light

I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place

I love you all,
the whole of you, but
a part I do more than the rest.
‘Twas your feet,
dear, find it odd,
but they stand out from the
rest.

Calloused and cracked may
they may seem,
they’re beautiful to me.
They peddled you for us to meet;
*they brought you close to me.

They seem so lazy,
As if aimlessly wandering.

In reality,
They are searching.

For the blooms,
With the power to save their family.

And in a single breath,
They would sacrifice themselves.

For the well-being of the hive,
But never a single flower.

Always they scheme,
Plotting to find the best blossoms.

The best sustenance,
To give life to the hive that raised each bee.

But however beautiful and sweet,
The bees will never sacrifice themselves for a flower.

And I wonder,
As they sting me and I cry out at my pain and their deaths.

I wonder if perhaps,
The birds and the bees aren't too different at all.

You found me a shell of a girl,
all smiles and laughter.

You found me a gloomy girl,
who mastered her guise.

You found me an ambitious girl,
struggling to lift herself up.

You found me a fearful girl,
who trusted your intentions.

You found me a guarded girl,
who was letting down her walls.

You found me a happy girl,
who was finally feeling wanted.

You found me a mysterious girl,
retracted because your apparent disinterest.

You found me a tragic girl,
saddened by your withdrawal.

You lost me a fantasy girl,
hurt by your abandonment.

You almost had the girl,
you had her so close it hurt,
then you left her in pieces.

How poetic that the way you found her,
was the way you'd leave her.

Everyday I wake with a pain,
Forever in my chest, it will rein
The feeling so cold, it freezes my soul
A payment I must give, a living toll

I have never felt so alone
In those few seconds that are known
So many before me have lived this lie
That life is some mysterious high

But for the rest, each day is a test
To see who will overcome being suppressed
Living a life of lies and deceit
Trying to be accepted, but becoming effete

Some people that have lost all hope become weak
Giving in to the decision to perish, they die in defeat
Those critical seconds of choice
One of the few moments when some have a voice

They could decide to just give up and die
Or to choose to continue prospering and fly
Or curl in a ball of loneliness and sorrow
Questioning their life and hating tomorrow

I wish I were saved from this life changing decision
So I know there is some sort of provision
Stopping me from losing hope and ending it all
I want to die when the time is right, a willing fall.

I.

Let’s contend no more, Love,
  Strive nor weep:
All be as before, Love,
  —Only sleep!

  II.

What so wild as words are?
  I and thou
In debate, as birds are,
  Hawk on bough!

  III.

See the creature stalking
  While we speak!
Hush and hide the talking,
  Cheek on cheek!

  IV.

What so false as truth is,
  False to thee?
Where the serpent’s tooth is
  Shun the tree—

  V.

Where the apple reddens
  Never pry—
Lest we lose our Edens,
  Eve and I.

  VI.

Be a god and hold me
  With a charm!
Be a man and fold me
  With thine arm!

  VII.

Teach me, only teach, Love
  As I ought
I will speak thy speech, Love,
  Think thy thought—

  VIII.

Meet, if thou require it,
  Both demands,
Laying flesh and spirit
  In thy hands.

  IX.

That shall be to-morrow
  Not to-night:
I must bury sorrow
  Out of sight:

  X.

—Must a little weep, Love,
  (Foolish me!)
And so fall asleep, Love,
  Loved by thee.

"I'm like, torn...

...between wanting to know who you really are,
and being terrified of it."