I could feel my decline.
I could hear the call.
I could feel my grip loosen and hers tighten.
So I did something I should have done a while ago.
I left...

Why?
         Why what?
                   Why do you hate the attention?
The truth is, i don't hate the attention. I love it.
But i was told if i even so much as showed that love,
        i was a brazen *****.

Scratch that either way i would be framed as a ****.

Half day, half full or half empty?
Does half the day with friends cure the blues?
Did you know y’all would date?
Did you know you’d use drugs to numb the pain?
Did you know at one point 2 out of 3 of y’all would cut your thighs so deep your scars would pucker purple?
Did you know you would one day hear voices in your head?
Did you know in a year you'd have to move?
None of us knew life would be this way. How could we?
I miss the way it way before. I miss the half frozen creek and movies.

12/13/13

Stupid. Idiot. Dense. Obtuse. ******. *******.
Words that only floated through my head, never flowed from anothers mouth
I was a bully
And I was my my own victim.
I said I was kind, but I was a hypocrite.
I clearly didn't understand that to be kind
I had to include myself.

My outlet is gone, I feel as though I am a wounded animal that lashes out at the wrong people.
I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I cling, I cling like a leaf does in the fall waiting to change. Only to be ripped away and carried by the wind to a place I know not.
Or maybe I am the tree clingy to the leaves because once I lose them I will have nothing left.
Lonely.
No more leaves. No more trees.
Just a girl. Lost. Stumbling through the confusion that is life. Perpetually tired and sick of this mess I call home.
Over and over and over again this happens. Every fall the leaves are a sight to see.
But every time they leave the tree, on to bigger and better things.