under the skin all i am is blood and thought
forming into a lesser sum of the whole
fitted between floorboards and motel rooms
between clumsy words and continental souls
this is a tired, drippy saying my mother would repeat from the tongue, like a song but not like a poem, just a saying
"love this strong has to be domesticated"
and i wish i didn't exist outside of my head; i only wish to be a vacancy of thought
and i've bruises on the insides of my palms from it; easily hidden and slowly mended

No
You say "you don't know her
She's brilliant
she's understanding
She's the best person I've ever met
she's my hopes
my dreams
(gone)"
A fantastic character

I hate to always be the bearer of truth,
But, I've read her cover to cover
She's shallow and superficial
She puts up a facade of a unique individual and yet she's just within the boundary of normalcy.

I've examined all of her (superfluous) pages of work
And they only skim the surface of humanities skin
Circling around the moles and scars that pucker truth-
Brail for the the blind

I've dug deep within her words and read between each space bar
And there lies no feeling- no emotion...
Sheer unintended apathy

Still-With many attempts:
She doesn't capture the essence of regret or sorrow
She merely spits at its feet
And it shows
Because the pain she displays vanishes
From her readers
From the pages
From the words
From the letters
From the simple spaces
From the idea itself

And yet this somehow captivates you
Yet unbeknownst to you- you are not regret, nor are you sorrow,
You are simply embodying what she barely grasps in hopes to find what lies beneath for yourself

But you're burrowing into someone who hasn't yet lived or loved-
Who can't describe the burning bubbles that pop in your eyes from the tears of contempt
Who can't fathom deflation of breath in your shallowing lungs, nor the dam constricting your veins' blood at loss

She can't break down completely with you dangling along
So
She
Keeps you just within reach to describe something she encounters
Something she caused
Something she can never embody  because  her "emotions" are a half lie:A secure defense
For power over others

I secretly despise you
For your forced rejection of status quo
Your fascination with death and crows
Even though it's clear death frightens you
Your incessant opinion that you're a virtuoso
So loud, the ear begs to be free, says Van Goh
Yet, you act and strut around without a clue

I secretly hate you
For you disregard tomorrow
Focusing solely on your ego

I secretly envy you
Because at least you're good
At playing this game

I'm not sure when
I fell asleep,
but suddenly
I had fallen
into night's
embrace

Can you hear me?
can you hear me in
the blue of slumber
where I'm not even
aware
I'm
reaching out for
you

I want to know
you love me
just like I
want to know
the moment where
my mind
succumbs
to quiet and
lets my tired
body sleep

I need you so much
I almost
cannot
sleep.

When you texted me back
and said you were in the building,
my heart skipped.

I couldn't tell
if it was from relief that you responded,
or anxiety that you were so near.

I knew that if I saw you
I would either break down,
or become too numb to function.

But if I did not,
my mind would think up awful situations,
and send my panic level to the stars.

I can't help but wonder:
if we weren't so close,
would things be different?

I like to think
that if we were further apart,
I would have gone out to find you.

But instead, I stayed where I was.
Hoping you wouldn't pass by,
while at the same time needing to catch a glimpse.

You didn't text again

Warmness melts in cold
Wisdom brings life hold.
God talks about Age Gold
We see life's many fold.

Murmurs here a summer,
But rain is now a comer.
Life cherishes plumber
Plays drum here drummer.

You see summer loves rain,
This is sure water all gain
Grains we get in life's chain
Energy flows sure in vain.

Lane of love is so far long,
In this love nothing is wrong.
Rain drops fall here along,
Birds chirp sing new song.