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Feb 15 · 63
Untitled
SunFlower Feb 15
Anger frustration confusion and sadness.


I felt all six creep up
One by one they took their turns
Taking every last pieces I have left in me


I felt all six creep up in a discreet manner
Ugh I give up on this poem I can’t think of how to write it


I felt six creep up in a discreet manner.
I felt anger, confusion and now sadness.
I can’t even express how much I feel about this situation and the fact that I am not alone in it and I am not a victim of it and I feel like I am not in any way in the way I am in any way affected by it and I have no intention of being hurt or hurt by it or anything like that but I am not sure how to feel about it and I don’t know how to feel or how to feel and I feel about it but I feel like I have to feel like I am not being hurt and I feel like I am not in any way in the way I am and I feel like I am not feeling good about it and I feel like I am not even trying to be honest and I feel like I am not trying to be nice to me and I feel like I am not really understanding of it is just not being mean to me and I don’t know how to be honest and I don’t want to be honest with myself and I feel like I am not being mean and I feel like I am not saying anything to me and I don’t want to be mean to me and I don’t want to be rude to me and I don’t want to be kind of mean to you and I don’t want to be a **** to you and I don’t want to be a bad person to be mean to you and I don’t want to be a mean person to you and I don’t want to be mean to you and I don’t want to be rude to you and I don’t want to be hurt or hurt or anything I just want to be honest and I don’t want to be with you and I just want to be and I don’t want to be a **** to you and I don’t want to be a little bit of a **** to me and I don’t want to be mean to you know that I don’t want to be rude to you know that I don’t know what I don’t want to be honest with you know that I don’t know what I just want to be nice to you know that I don’t know what I want to be kind of mean to you know I don’t know what I want to be mean to you know that I don’t know what I want to be rude to you know that I don’t know what I don’t know I don’t want to be honest with you know I just don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say to you I don’t know what to say to anybody else I don’t know what to say to anyone else I don’t even know what to say to somebody else I don’t care I don’t know what to say to them I don’t know what to say to them but I don’t know what to say to them because I don’t know what to say to them and I don’t know what to say to them so I don’t know what to say to them and I don’t want to say to them and I don’t want to be rude to them I don’t know what to you know what to say to you know what to say to them and I don’t want to be honest I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say that I don’t know what to say
I don’t know what to do I don’t know what to do with my life I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what to do but I don’t know what to do so I don’t know what to do I’m not gonna do it I don’t know what to do or do I don’t know what to do it I just don’t know what to do I don’t know what to do

Im sorry. Im really sorry.
Nov 2018 · 209
Ocean Eyes
SunFlower Nov 2018
Grey dusty clouds emerged from each other above the shore as she expected the currents to crash beside her feet.

The White, pale moon fades into the storm.

As well as the path back to the street.

Frustration overfloated her vision and confusion misjudged her calculations.
Nov 2018 · 421
Lost Boy
SunFlower Nov 2018
It felt like I was your Peter Pan and you were my Wendy.

I wasn't ready to grow up or let you go

but you...
Oct 2018 · 352
Depersonalization
SunFlower Oct 2018
I am in the middle of nowhere, unseen
a place where they call it a maze
with images on a screen
that run around for days and days
Oct 2018 · 165
"Coping Skills"
SunFlower Oct 2018
He would have taken his life for her, but when it came to me he would pop pills down his throat and smoke himself to sleep it was a way he coped with the loss of me
Oct 2018 · 145
Lost In Space
SunFlower Oct 2018
I started to evaporate as I sat on the ground waiting for someone who wasn't going to show up.

I felt the cold and dry breeze brush against my naked body.

And right there and then, I slowly sensed the bitterness devour my compassion into an aloof manner.

My mind ruptured as I was reminiscing over the fact that I was foolish enough to have trusted such a being.

It was a mistake I would never make again.
Jun 2018 · 195
Untitled
SunFlower Jun 2018
His bashful and gentle smile devoured me
All i can feel is his warmth spreading it's self against the cold air
I try to stop myself from smiling low key
but I lose control slowly and can't bare to look away but stare
Apr 2018 · 159
Mother of the year
SunFlower Apr 2018
I was once left in a crate
who barely even ate
I was slapped in the face
punched in the gut
and it shred my heart into a thousand of pieces
I lost my breath a couple of times from the hands of my mother
Then I was put in a system called an orphanage
which was requested by my grandmother
You could say I was freed from ever suffering from an abusive both mental and physical relationship
But I would disagree
I flew into a new family where we use to have love, happiness, and companionship
however, I was locked in a cage, behind metal bars, where no one can see
I had a mother who was stubborn
Her mouth was filled with threats and can be cantankerous at any moment
She was like a rose with lots of thorns
and her arrogance could not be broken
I was upbraided for my laziness, ingratitude, and stupidity
At times, she would inform me to keep testing her limits and see how cold her blood runs through these days
As a result of this, I lost dignity
and it trapped her mind in a maze
Given these points, you would understand why I let this indica sink into my system
After all, she was a sad woman with no fears and a mountain of rage  
who played as the victim
and would, in any case, **** up anyone who ***** with her in the backstage
Mother of the year
Mar 2018 · 160
SUNflower
SunFlower Mar 2018
The Sunflower

The yellow, vibrant petals sway gently across the meadow
It's gentle as a breeze
and is eager to please
with a head that is crowned in gold
and a stem that is bowed yet stands tall and strong
Tall enough to reach the sky, so I've been told
It reflects their warm gaze upon the cold
He looks down upon all the other flowers
and appears to be exuberant
But what we fail to realize is the sunflower lives a lie
He turns his back on the sun
and is plastered with battle scars to prove that he is of worth
The sunflower seems to be self-reliant, who doesn't need anyone
with none to reinforce and support his broken pedicel
He is left abandoned and committed such a blunder


The sun

I burst into the sky
providing light and energy for each flower to bloom
I am never in reach for I am To high
still, Curiosity dares to look straight into my eyes
yet all become blind.
I witness many things, but lately, the sunflower is the one who has bewitched me
It does not desire my warmth
Nor my love and support
It appears as if it's lost in his own pride
In the meantime, He embraces his himself and provides pollen for the bees
I bet the bees are the closest to this flower
I wish I were a bee
and If so, then maybe I could unlock the hidden secrets within his inner core
But I can not change who I am
and there nothing more
Feb 2018 · 141
Hypocrite
SunFlower Feb 2018
why should I blame myself when you never gave me distance.
I yelled, and scream gave you warnings begged for mercy, but you stood there embracing your resistance.
Giving space isn’t necessary learning to control yourself is more important those are the words you've spoken.
I prayed to the lord and asked for assistance
God, please don't let myself lose this temper
Cuz I'm unable to speak, and these vocal chords have been broken.
you demanded to try harder threaten me if I don't
you told me to sit up straight and never talk back
you informed me to be real
but how can you say that
when you're just another hypocrite
that puts on an act whenever there are guest nearby
You view me as your prize possession
showing me off so you could get attention
Making sure I don't misbehave; you use your silver tongue to get your way
When in fact, 30 minutes before everyone came, you were shouting at me to pick up after myself, same crap but a different day
version 2
Jan 2018 · 1.0k
The Girl In The Coffee Shop
SunFlower Jan 2018
she was exquisite as she looked out into the distance, waiting for her coffee to cool down
I would watch her as she sat in the same spot every day
as if this was her escape from something far away
But what was it?
Is she debating on leaving someone or life it’s self?
Or the memories she placed on a shelf?
What about Rent?
Is she late?
Or was it a letter she sent?
Is it the boy who makes her wait?
wait for every day that her energy fades away
certainly, it wasn’t the cold weather
because her face would brighten up as soon as she saw the first snowflake
I feel like her name is Heather
surely it wasn’t Blake
She was creative, and I'm sure of it
due to the overload of sketchbooks and pencils that were jammed inside of her purse
they were losing their color like how the fresh leaves abandon us with some remorse
I bet she's a writer too
because as she wrote, she would stop for a moment and glance outside for something new
At times I wish I could be courageous enough to say hey
but every time I do, I panic and forget what to say
she was the girl in the coffee shop
and I was the boy who wished to have the ***** to introduce myself before I stopped
cuz maybe, somehow she could have lived for another day
Dec 2017 · 230
Who's Next?
SunFlower Dec 2017
She was scared and choked by her mother
beaten and scratched by her sisters
and bruised by the glitch of what she called "Love."
Dec 2017 · 410
Who are you to tell me
SunFlower Dec 2017
Who are you to tell me that you missed me
when all you did was cause me pain
who are you to tell me he did me no wrong
when you stood there watching him suffocate my soul
and beat the **** out of me
who are you to tell me you cared about me
when you kept your mouth shut when you knew he abused me
who are you to tell me that you loved me
when you walked out of my life when I needed you the most
Who are you to tell me that I broke your heart
when all I did was try to fix it
Who are you to tell me that you got my back
when all you did was stab it
Who are you to tell me that will never forget me
when I already have...
SunFlower Dec 2017
why should I blame myself when you never gave me distance.
I yelled, and scream gave you warnings begged for mercy, but you stood there embracing your resistance.
Giving space isn’t necessary learning to control yourself is more important those are the words you've spoken.
I prayed to the lord and asked for assistance
God, please don't let myself lose this temper
Cuz I'm unable to speak, and these vocal chords have been broken.
you demanded to try harder threaten me if I don't
you told me to sit up straight and never talk back
you informed me to be real
but how can you say that
when you're just another hypocrite
that puts on an act whenever there are guest nearby
You view me as your prize possession
showing me off so you could get attention
Making sure I don't misbehave; you use your silver tongue to get your way
When in fact, 30 minutes before everyone came, you were shouting at me to pick up after myself, same crap but a different day
Dec 2017 · 174
Broken
SunFlower Dec 2017
"you left me on display."
Dec 2017 · 182
Let them burn
SunFlower Dec 2017
Sometimes you need to burn bridges to stop yourself from crossing them again.
Dec 2017 · 140
Trapped
SunFlower Dec 2017
You either say how you feel and **** it up or say nothing and let it ******* up instead.
Dec 2017 · 123
Explain this to me
SunFlower Dec 2017
But how do you let go of someone who felt like home?
Dec 2017 · 178
Shh it's okay baby girl
SunFlower Dec 2017
I want to scream, but my fear is covering my mouth.
Dec 2017 · 128
Advice
SunFlower Dec 2017
“And all I’m doing is taking my mother’s advice and protecting my heart.”
Dec 2017 · 156
She said
SunFlower Dec 2017
He lets you love him but your changing yourself for someone who isn’t going to be here in the future
Dec 2017 · 119
Alone
SunFlower Dec 2017
and now I’m sitting here all alone without my mother at my side to comfort me with her love…
Dec 2017 · 136
I can't stand him
SunFlower Dec 2017
He laughed at a  boy who was crying because they made fun of him wanting to a be a girl…
Dec 2017 · 131
He said
SunFlower Dec 2017
you know when I looked at your eyes, I saw something that I could fix but now I broked it even more…
Dec 2017 · 141
My Mistakes
SunFlower Dec 2017
I forgot the sound of your voice

I know I made the wrong choice

which I can not take it back
SunFlower Dec 2017
It’s unethical for the society to think that boys can’t show their pain, but yet the thought still flows throughout their veins.
Dec 2017 · 131
Umbrella
SunFlower Dec 2017
It’s like I feel my tears are about to rain down on me, but this **** umbrella is covering up all of my chances of breaking down.
SunFlower Dec 2017
You meet a different kind of people through your life

Some are the most enjoyable, but others are the cruelest

Some liars can't stop if their life depends on it

Meanwhile, some people are too nice

even if it means to give their last breath

Half of the male population are **** boys, and the other half are gentlemen

We all can have two faces

that tell one thing, and the other tells another

As a matter a fact, some are so passive and over controlling

As you live your life, you have to choose who you want to be

and once you do choose, then you will come across others who are like you and others who are nowhere close to being similar to you

People tell us their lies and say that they are this, but in the real world there two faced liars. I’ve learned that people aren’t always what they say they are

And that’s the worst part because your stuck here trying to figure out who you can trust and push away

You can fall in love with them and find out later on that they can be the most aggressive person you could ever meet

We search for the good ones out there who are loyal and honest but sometimes we come across the opposite of what we want

But see that’s the best part because we learn from those kinds of people. We learn from their mistakes and what they did to others that will make you think and stop
SunFlower Dec 2017
He said they're just things, but deep down he cared more than anyone thought he could.
Dec 2017 · 127
Bricks To The Walls
SunFlower Dec 2017
"Please bring back my bricks to the walls I broke for you so you could come in and see who I truly was"
Dec 2017 · 156
Soft Lips
SunFlower Dec 2017
"she used her soft voice to convince me, but her smile said it all."
Dec 2017 · 130
Flower Child
SunFlower Dec 2017
I'll put flowers on your head
And tuck you into bed
I’ll sing you lullabies
While I look into your eyes
And say you’re my favorite prize
I’ll give you the love I never had
And I promise never to make you sad
Never forget that I'll always care
And you’ll never be scared of the big mean teddy bear
I’ll show you the way
And maybe someday
You’ll have your very own
You’ll never be alone
For I will be there when tears fall down your face
And the secrets will be kept and gone without a trace
So please remember I love you
Dec 2017 · 117
Time
SunFlower Dec 2017
Slow progress
But I got this
Dec 2017 · 173
"Love Don't Change"
SunFlower Dec 2017
You said love don't change but what happened to us?
Dec 2017 · 171
Tsk Tsk
SunFlower Dec 2017
Tsk Tsk, love is supposed to be kind to your heart, but this boy got me feeling some type of way

and trust me it ain't kind or warm

The sad part is when you know you love someone, but they would never give back the same kind of feeling because they're too busy looking at someone else.
Yet once you love someone, you would do everything in your power to keep it that way but no actions are done, and we both suffer along with the way.
Note to yourself
If he truly loves you, he will leave everything behind for you, and if not then I'm sorry to break it to you he doesn't love you.
SunFlower Dec 2017
I miss you, but I can't stand the thought of you
Dec 2017 · 127
Lost
SunFlower Dec 2017
I don't know who you are anymore
or even myself
I am lost in this warm pool
filled with unanswered questions
suffocating myself, I began to lose everything I had inside of me
I am left with barely a speck of dust
not even hope or trust
abandoned and betrayed that I could agree
left unworthy and never be seen
Unspoken words that never were comprehended
that were left unattended with good intentions
ongoing frustrations and complications
this bond between two loses its connection to protection
both misconceived their feelings
with so many words lost without meaning
discomfort lingers for new beginnings
however, slumbers to keep dreaming
eventually leaving.
Dec 2017 · 152
Never Again
SunFlower Dec 2017
I wanted to drain all of my blood on these blank pages

because it all felt outrageous

I wanted to rip out all of the fat on body to make myself happy

and scrap down to the point where I can only feel my bones cracking

I wanted to cut my hair to feel something new

and get a different view

I wanted to tear my room apart

and create a new format

I wanted this desire to gather my memories of you and shred them into thin air

because obviously, you didn't care enough for it to happen

I wanted to end it right there and then

but that’s letting you win
Sep 2017 · 191
Sacrifice
SunFlower Sep 2017
To give away a child is the bravest thing a mother can do
for a better future and education too
but to waste the sacrifice of mothers decision is the worst thing a child could do
instead of going to class and completing the work
it gets thrown in the trash by going to parties and getting drunk
due to wanting to have some fun
Now is that being a good son?
It's selfish and disappointing at the same time, in fact, last time I checked being smart and attending classes is not a crime
but stealing money and duplicating your parent's keys is a felony
although you refuse to take a session of remedy
it wouldn’t hurt to sit down for an hour and reflect on the decisions you’ve been making
because it’s not my heart you're breaking
it’s the women who sacrificed you because she couldn’t provide a life worth living for
in the hope that her child wouldn’t put in a drawer
yet you did the opposite and many more
Aug 2017 · 313
Faded Dead Rose
SunFlower Aug 2017
For the tears that fell and crawled down my cheeks. When the weeks felt like years and the years felt like weeks. You held on me so tight but it was never enough. Now you lay down on the grave of your mistakes with a dead faded rose by your side.You seek for her lust but it's buried below. Deep down in the soil is where a rupture heart is held with sorrow in it's veins and broken promises with no tomorrow.
Aug 2017 · 164
Change
SunFlower Aug 2017
I feel like once I realize what I have
it will be too late
they'll be already gone because my love couldn't wait
and I had wasted my time on someone who couldn't  manage to change
because it was difficult to arrange
It feels as if everyone will have to pay for his mistakes
and I'm well aware how much it aches
It seems as if everyone will have to pass through a lie detector
which is now my protector
yet its never enough
especially when my heart had been rebuffed
they'll have to prove their loyalty
to earn their royalty
and prove me something real
to fix something that once been healed
Aug 2017 · 182
My Last Poem For You
SunFlower Aug 2017
Whose friend were you when you decided to walk out those doors and into his arms even when you knew how it gave me pain.
Did you use your brain?
And stopped for a moment
To think what will be broken
After you come back into my arms
With a bed of thorns
Did you expect me to be oblivious?
Or delirious?
Till this day, my mind is still reminiscing
Trying to think of what is missing
You never told a soul
Because it meant losing control
But look where that has gotten you
You would smile on cue
And mimic the perfect daughter your parents have wanted
Yet that’s what left you unwanted
Your too afraid to fight off your demons who live under the same roof
And turn over the bad guy with your living proof
For the sake of not shattering the harmony between your family
But who’s winning and losing their sanity?  
Let me step aside and write about another subject
Who blamed themselves for every sin that happened?
Me!
But that’s what I do
And ya’ll don’t have a clue
How the **** was I supposed to know when you were about to fall down on the ground?
When you never made a sound
So don’t call me inconsiderate and say I used you as a door mat
But don’t worry, I got used to it
Just like you did
10:17 PM I said see you later but I made a mistake and should have said Goodbye.

Sunflower
May 2017 · 174
Hopelessly
SunFlower May 2017
There was no time to spare a dance
For I had to build these walls
My hands would ache from the heavy bricks
The weak and unsteady knees would tremble, and I would fall
A secure ambition kissed my lips
And devotion sank to the bottom of my throat which tasted a lot like alcohol
A hunger for success dragged me in like a siren that only cries when there's an eclipse
It was so alluring and inspiring I recall
I repaired most of the cracks, but some were too deep to fix
My hope was like a fragile seed after all
May 2017 · 239
Art
SunFlower May 2017
Art
Art is like a poem without words
It whispers sweet colors into our ears and provides us the meaning of what those colors perform
They serve a purpose to humankind
to show passions and imagination
It's influence on society
whether it's through music or literature  
Art is a reflection of our world through someone's eye and creation of their hands
It shouts out to us with encouragement
and never to abandon a vision
Sun Flower
May 2017 · 598
Smoke And Fire
SunFlower May 2017
There similar in their own different ways.

Both have anger and trust issues.

They can explode at any moment and I’d be stuck there trying to help them.

Why is it that I take the responsibility to help calm someone down.

It’s like it’s my job to do so.

I hate the fact that both pull me in with full force.

Why is it that I go to the trouble ones.

It never does me good.
May 2017 · 325
Silence You Child
SunFlower May 2017
I was too blind by the darkness in my eyes
I could not speak for they might have hurt me
I could not hear for they had said too much
that had broken my confidence
I could not touch for they were too pure for such a thing like me
May 2017 · 310
My master piece
SunFlower May 2017
You were my cure
But I was the poison streaming through your veins
You were the pages I could write all of my darkest secrets
I was the cigarette that burned your lungs
You were my canvas I could paint on
But I was the tools you used to carve all fo your pain away
May 2017 · 219
Frustration is a real cyka
SunFlower May 2017
It’s unethical for the society to think that boys can’t show their pain, but yet the thought still flows throughout their veins.
SunFlower May 2017
You expect it like it’s easy for me to open up like it’s easy to open up a bottle of water.
You assume it’s like drinking from a bottle with full throttle.
You suspect it’s like easy to learn the A B C’s, but I disagree.
In fact, let me tell you something it’s harder than you think.
So please sit down on the counter near the sink and listen to me scream because this isn’t a dream.
I am like a brick wall and trust me there tall.
It takes a lot for me to break them down.
You would have to a clown to think it’s easy for me to say how I feel and honey there’s a lot to heal.
I’ve been through the worst.
Sometimes I feel like I will burst like a volcano in Hawaii thirsty for the taste of the sea.
I’ve been bruised and beat to the ground and cried myself to sleep without one bit of a sound.
In the same way, as I felt like I was nothing else but a lost toy.
My heart was crushed by one certain boy ever since then, my walls have built taller than ever before.
May 2017 · 703
I want to cry but I can’t
SunFlower May 2017
It’s like I feel my tears are about to rain down on me but this **** umbrella is covering up all of my chances of breaking down
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