Stu: Favorites

Nov 2018 Stu

Julia Gorrie

If I wasn't scared to do so, I would have left the world.
It has given me more pain than not.
I smile less and less each passing day.
My mind shuts down with each ticking of the clock.

My soul keeps getting picked at by the crows who remind us that death is coming with each mindless caw.
They love to scream it to the skies.
As I lie there with my essence bleeding out I think to myself "can it come any sooner?"

I would do it myself, but I'm too afraid, and who knows, maybe there will be a light that clears my path soon or that lifts this unfair burden off of my shoulders.
Despite this naive hope I have, if I was "brave" enough, I would have left this place already.

Sorry this is a little dark, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who has felt this way before.

#depression #dark #sad #burden #world #leaving #left #behind #i #dont

Nov 2018 Stu

Worthlessness

Nov 2018 Stu

Julia Gorrie

Worthlessness

Worthlessness: The state of feeling unimportant and useless. This type of feeling is one that hits you directly in the center of your core, picking at your soul. One that makes your stomach feel saggy and your eyes like craters of the sea that over flows and blurs your sight.
Worthlessness is one that hinders the passing time as well your ability to move forward and it can come out of the void of extensive thinking.
It can cause your words to errupt and crackle off your tongue, only to be washed away by the heavy rain into a puddle of regret and sorrow.
All I see on the horizon is a dark blue hue that Cascades over the whole world.
All I feel is the bitter, frozen winds and the soft snow that numbs my skin.
All I can think of is black and grey clouds that wrap me up and block out any light that reaches out to me.
All that I receive for my rescue is a big brown ship that says "I'm sorry, the weight you carry is too much for us", then sails away, leaving me to drown in the middle of the ocean.

#worthlessness #sadness #sorrow #alone #hope #darkness #blue #down #ocean #drowning

Nov 2018 Stu

Waiting.

Nov 2018 Stu

Julia Gorrie

Waiting.

I ache.
In this dreaded hospital once more, I ache.
I watch, as my mother lays on the bed for the sick, half alive.
I ache.
Sitting in the Chapel feeling like I have no one left, I fall to my knees and sob.

My damaged soul cries out for mercy and light, for strength and hope that has been leaving me all alone.

I ponder how I will get back on my feet and move forward when everyone is putting things in my head.
They make me feel like an abused rag doll, pulling me left and right.

I don't think I've ever felt so alone, overwhelmed or confused in my life.
But one day, I know that this will teach me a valuable lesson, I know that I will grow.

I must have patience, so I will keep waiting until the time comes when I can finally be at peace, and I finally will know.

Written in the chapel at Beaumont.

#hospital #waiting #patience #peace #love #sorrow #ache

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