I.
You always knew
the lies I've taught myself to believe
would never be good enough for him

We have the same smile
he is the last angel that can save
me

Love, I have no easy answers for you
I bury questions with every poem
but there is never enough dirt.

The ugliness behind our
pretty faces

burns holes
in the soul

and that's the first poem
I wrote about you that
wish I could burn
because I see myself
in your eyes and I wish
I could disappear from
the mirror

I don't
hate you.

I can't.

I
won't.

II.
my sweet Ollie,

your face looks like mine
you can see it in the eyes
especially when you smile

Have you discovered
children have a way
of noticing things
that are there,

seeing shapes
and shadows
that aren't?

There are monsters in the dark
but do not be afraid
I am there too.

I thought I
past the would,
could, should be

but there are no stars
in the sky and these
gnarled branches
won't give me release

and the future is the same as it always was

some things
cannot be hidden
cannot be undone
cannot be found
cannot be repaired

If I could still believe
in God and say a prayer
I would ask that he would read
these words you can't see yet

whisper them into your ear
so that with every heart beat
you have an answer for why we're
here

and one day
when you read this

know that I loved you
know that I missed you

There is still sunshine longing
to kiss your forehead

Don't sleep
until the day
is yours
and only yours.

My son, trust me
when I tell you,
there is nothing to fear
in the dark.

Fear the Heart.

BG-4/11/17

a song shouts
as I run atop the tip of death,
in all its paltry fiction.
reality spins itself into one bright dream
alone, underneath infinite hope.

rain never reaches
the warmth in the windows
and darkness can't touch this dancing soul
yet

This is a cliché for you.
I would decorate you.  
in these rows of letters,
maybe paint it on your skin
because just saying it isn't enough.
I want to see it.
I want to hold a mirror to you and me,
and say, See baby, don't you see?

So, I write it and hold your hand and kiss your cheek,
my head on your shoulder.
If only I could give a touch
of the love
you give to me.

The thing that breaks my heart
And allows me to come clean
Confessions at midnight
When tears are nearly pristine

He becomes the sheets my hands crave
To hold on to
when the day is rougher then us
He is where my soul can rest its tired head

He is the laughter between recycled jokes
And somehow his classics are funnier
As I feel the laughter tremble in
His heart of hearts

He was the happiness
That found me the way
all wonderful things do
And he stays the way they usually don't

She wishes him the best
says her Goodbye
with a warm embrace
but he replies her back
with a nod
and goes away
She waits for him to come back  
Many messages everyday
of his day , stay and others
with few to no replies
Hopeful less every next day
messages too decreased later
one and then none
He came after few months , changed
tried to locate her
but never found her again ever