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i hope that when i meet forever,
it looks like you.
A friend of mine told me
I write when I’m sad
She said it is as if I am in pain
And I said when I write it rains
When I put the pen on paper the clouds get dark
And when I stop
The birds of the sky sings
Coming out to play as the sun is out
Twenty-two years ago
My mom made a big mistake
She gave birth to me
A cursed child
There is no such thing as happy birthday
Why do everyone keep saying happy birthday to me?
Well, at least there is a good thing
I'm one step closer to death now
So, I guess I should be happy.
 Dec 2018 Shilpa Panigrahi
Anya
I,
Over
Analyse
Over
Strategize
Over
Fantasize
It popped into my head and it's so true.
There’s a zone beyond safety
  where the timid can’t go

Beyond reasoned decision
  intuition to flow

Past valor and triumph
  past glory and fame

There’s a zone beyond safety
—last moth to the flame

(Villanova Pennsylvania: November, 2018)
 Dec 2018 Shilpa Panigrahi
ryn
Shhh...can you hear me?
I'm hardly a pin
I'm hardly a mile away
Shhh...do you know the pain I'm in?

Look...can you see me?
I'm hiding behind shadowed eyes
And a mask of smiles
Look...will you look past the honest lies?

Taste...can you palate the bitterness?
Sharp and acrid accusations
Dancing on wagging tongues
Taste...will you swallow what is given?

Touch...can you feel my failing muscles?
Every fibre losing this very battle
A futile fight I must concede
Touch...will you save the pieces that crumble?

Read...can you make sense of my heart?
Pounding behind its bony cage
Pumping red into my desperate nib
Read...can you understand the ink staining my page?

Shhh*...can you hear me?
I don't think you can
For I have ceased to speak
In the universe of man
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
lock yourself in a room,
scream until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your veins and bleed
until you know that your bones
are pure words and sorrow.
Act as if you slit your own throat
and all you can bleed
are your own regrets
and all of the darkness
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
tell her you're leaving
and you won't be back for awhile
Because being a writer is traveling
through all seven layers of Hell
and denying anything is wrong.
Forget loving yourself
when all you have is a pen and paper
fused to your wrist
and Jesus is tapping at your skull
saying turn back now.
Warn the neighbors that if they smell burning
It's just your soul
clawing at the front door trying to get in.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn how to lose everything you have
in order to feel release,
learn how to only feel deceased
from now on.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
don't
She's got a tongue
Sharp enough to make you hush
She's got the smile
Enough to make you blush
She's got the attitude
To make you go mad in love
She's the girl I wish to be
But I can't bring myself to be
She lives in my head
The girl I want to be
I lie in my bed,
thinking of what could be
She's fearless, strong and gorgeous
With the walk of a cat
Heart of a lion
Hiss of a snake
Breaking but hiding it
Confidence will rise above it
She's the girl I wish to be
But I just can't seem to become it

— The End —