lately my stomach has twisted itself into knots
because of my self deprecating thoughts
like a root forced to grow after rain
my stomach twists in revelation and pain
perhaps to wisdom I am simply giving birth
and if I wipe away the tears I’ll see worth
but for now it’s just twisting and hurts
every time I think “I may never be loved.”
nobody is a lifeline anymore
don’t you DARE text him
saying you thought of him tonight
after a song you heard.
you’ll cut your skin on
his empty words
while your heart surrenders common sense.
you’ll be flooded with memories
washing you down a river
of what could have been;
you’ll forget that he can’t feel
in that heart of tin.
how three months of staring
into those eyes at two a.m.
meant at the end of three months
you were still alone; crying at two a.m.
he said you meant so much;
you saved him
but I guess saving someone isn’t enough to keep them within
even after all that vulnerability.
I guess being there
when he was crying over her
to earn you credibility-
even if it was at two a.m.
so empty words are like a razor blade;
like empty carbs
scraping down your throat
and cutting up your stomach.
but that’s the thing about empty carbs,
you keep craving them:
so eat up
all I know
and all I’ve known for a really long time now
is that our smiles look really nice side by side
i was forced to learn not to care when you didn’t need me;
i had to rip my own heart out and hide it so it couldn’t deceive me.
when you didn’t need me i was forced not to care about you
how can you expect me to care when you do?
get a life saver, girl. before you drown in the sea of words he has to speak of her.
i hope that when i meet forever,
it looks like you.