Its not a smile
Its dead eyed bliss
Just drown it all
That's the quick fix
That way you can't
Blow out your mind
You'll just miss

Rather feel boozed
Than anything else
Rather feel used
Than love itself  
Rather be hopeless
Than to be insincere
Rather be hazed
Than to see things clear
Rather dissappear
Than to be right here

Could be surrounded
Still stay alone
Idle time letting my brain roam
Places that it should never go
Everywhere feels like a foreign zone
Feelings have turned so cold
Xanax has me in a monotone
Can't get out of this stronghold
More pills swallowed
Downfall should be followed

Between my eyes theres
Pounding pressure
Sunny days are the same as
Cloudy weather
Wonder when ill get off this
Couch if ever
Staying drugged with dull pleasure
Always manage to **** it up whether
Its a little bit or altogether
What you thought was once was never
Such a strong f**king four letter
Need to take this bond and sever
Just dont know how if ever.

Distorted view
Of what I know is true

Lie to myself
Keep the truth in a box
On my top closet shelf

Lock the door
Incinerate the key

No one here needs to see
That a once happy girl
Has turned into a woman like me

Feels like everyone is looking at me
Expecting more than what comes easily
I can't give them what they want to see

Relief hasn't come to me
Feeling so alone
Feeling so low
When it will stop
I do not know

I feel half whole down to my very core
Everything in me feeling so sore
Without you nothing seems to matter anymore

I sit here and feel so alone
Things in my mind broken

Home doesn't feel like home

Things do change, but it feels so wrong
It turns out, I'm not very strong

Uh-Oh.
My drug abuse has broken loose

Where's my white flag
Wave of truce

The thought of certain pharmaceuticals has me knawing at my cuticles

Not Advil or Tylenol

But the ones that make me feel like I have it all

I run from 2
One is red
One is blue

I run from red because it makes me feel like im about to break
Not knowing how much more I can take

I run from blue
Not fast enough though

There's nothing I can do

Blue resides in my head and behind my eyes
Blue is what I truly despise

Blue so much faster than red
It feels like it owns me
Feels like my master

Red used to be around so much more
Until I couldn't take it anymore

That feeling of dread
Straight to my core

Blue is what I've ran from since I've been eight
Blue is the color I truly ******* hate.

I have so many questions
That I need the answers to

But now that you're gone
I have no way to ask you

All I have are photos and a box of clothes left of you
Id give anything in the world just to get one more chance
to stand next to you

Its been awhile and I can still hear your voice
I know you never would have left us
If it was your choice

These words aren't sad
They are just very true

I have never watched law and order again
Since it can't be with you

I wish you knew how hard we tried to bring you back to
But you were already gone

We couldn't save you

These words aren't sad
They aren't depressing

They are as real as it can be
When I think about the first time in my life I saw reality

I know you are gone
You will be forever
But the day that I forget about you will be never.