I don't want to sound magic,
I just want to sound tragic.

I don't wanna be famous,
I just wanna make payments.

I don't want to become a jaded **** Jagger,
I just wanna be a ludicrously crazy ******.

I don't want to be the media's dogma,
I just wanna ****** all their ******* drama.

I don't want kids to look up at me,
I just want them to see the poison I breathe.

Don't cry when my phone goes dead,
See that last text, you read.

And feel that gut-dropping dread,
Run to the house, where I'm alone.

Then continue into the place,
To my face, all those words you droned.

I'm gonna spray some ******* mace,
I've had enough of tossing you a bone.

You're nothing but a testosterone injected zombie,
Get a new ******* hobby.

Kitten-hitting,
Depression-denying,
******* ****** crazy.

I heard that boy die last night,
Drowned in his own wounds,
This day will be dedicated,
A holiday to his favorite color,
Green.

Not the smile on his face,
Not the hope he gave,
Not the happiness he spread,
To his favorite color,
Green.

The day'll fold over,
They'll cry a river till the clock strikes midnight,
The screen shows the pity and attention,
How much they love his tragedy,
And his favorite color,
Green.

It's funny you think heaven will let you in,
When all you've done is blame the sin,
Did He never say, "Love Thy Neighbor"?
I beg of you to do me one little favor.

Pull out your wholly rotten teeth,
Cut off your boot-licking tongue,
Cram your throat full with holy script,
And stitch up your quivering God-fearing lips.

Take just one swing, fellow sinner,
It'll just give me another good excuse,
With a few good kicks, I'll curb-stomp you,
Straight to Hell 'cause you burnt my fuse.

Pull out your wholly rotten teeth,
Cut off your boot-licking tongue,
Cram your throat full with holy script,
And stitch up your quivering God-fearing lips.

I don't fear your guns,
I just fear for you,
No, I don't fear your guns,
I'll count to three, we'll have some fun.

Everything's spinning so outta control
Leaving bottles of liquor on the floor,
Nightmares are my support beams,
As I'm walking to the guillotine.

I never saw you for what you were,
Only for what you gave,
Then you crushed me into the ground,
So I'd fine myself home-bound.

Everlasting glowing eyes,
Holding onto me and my fortune,
Giving up every other right to mine,
Maybe you can be good.

I never saw you for what you were,
Only for what you gave,
Then you crushed me into the ground,
So I'd find myself home-bound

I dream of life outside,
the walls that caved me in.
In this particular silence,
without rhythm does my heart beat.

Under the trees
and forestry greens
a life you refused to see
blinded by the holy grail in your way

Home is where I died

Do I feel it now, I have to ask.
Troubled and doubled over.
Toilet seats are too cold.
Something's getting out.
Home isn't home anymore.

Imagine a light,
coming from the end of the tunnel.
That's hope

Imagine your pet,
getting up after being hit by a car.
That's hope

Imagine a child,
their smile from seeing a little candy in your hand.
That's hope

Imagine Darkness,
and you holding hands with her.
That's hope

I need a peek,
A sneaking glance into the future,
To see what and who I become,
If I'm even alive at that point,
Now I have to admit that I know I'll be seeing darkness.

Yet I still retain a fraction of hope,
That my mind,
That my efforts will prove worth it and I'll gain purpose,
Purpose to move forward without a thought of death and regret.

A kid like me,
Well why shouldn't I be hopeful?
I've got many years to live,
Many years to change,
The only problem is that the years are long,
Then the winters will follow and I'll descend,
And the fear of all the years,
How many years will I have to go before I stop that?

Yet I still retain a fraction of hope,
That my mind,
That my efforts will prove worth it and I'll gain purpose,
Purpose to move forward without a thought of death and regret.

If you're asking me where I'm going tonight,
I won't tell the truth cause I think you know the answer,
I've told the stories of how I'd stare at bathroom stalls until I fell into sleep,
Things don't seem as bright as they used to be and the flowers don't hold the key to happiness in the world,
I've told the stories of how I'd lose myself in blade reflections until I dozed off into sleep,
But I know that I fought a good fight and I'll keep fighting it until my true dying days,
I hope that I never lose myself to my own hands and head.

Passing hues of greens and blues,
Days strewn across acres of snow,
His time grown longer,
Past the fading of moons,
Through the winding chimes of fall.

I can see it now,
Though it isn't clear,
It's enough to say I've done something,
To say that I'm not alone,
In a world where being alone is praised.

Black interior seats envision me,
Wrapping around the slightest of sounds,
Completing the time against reeled hooks,
His grown up and realizing,
Things will never be perfect,
But it's good enough to keep pushing.

I can see it now,
Though it isn't clear,
It's enough to say I've done something,
To say that I'm not alone,
In a world where being alone is praised.

Charging through a mild storm,
Minor inconveniences and wild coincidences,
Are what drive me to the point of insanity,
The rumble of earthquakes under my feet.

Hard to say if I'm really as strong as they say,
I lie a lot and my friends are moving on,
These trust issues keep me branded as anti-social,
Maybe, I'll decide to never love again.

Breaking up over the phone,
Splitting checks on ****** dates,
I'm torrential rain and you're a sunny day,
Nothing I could ever handle in a lifetime.

Asthma acts up because of the pollen in the morning,
Can't breathe without opening my mouth,
It's an absolute ******* curse,
Just stitch my mouth so I just shut the **** up.

They never really told you why,
you could never see the guy who told it's all right.
And maybe you're just over thinking it,
or maybe they hated his guts and wanted him away.

Either way,
I miss his hugs and little fake smiles,
warmed my day and then some more.

Is there something I could have done,
to change the path of his life?
Is there something I could have said,
to make him stay?

He repeats, "It's not your fault"
I doubt.
I doubt,
that's ever been true.

I make myself a bed of bones,
cause I can't feel myself.
All I need is you by my side.

If I could please,
Concern myself with you,
Cause today you're not looking all too well,
And though that only may be me.

I can,
See it in your eyes,
That flash of a singular dying fire,
Struggling to stay aloft in this much to maze-like house.

If you could please,
Let me, wrap my arms around you,
Cause I'll protect you from all those demons,
And though that may only be me that sees.

You are dying...

Planted some trees,
Out on the property,
Had the honor of,
Putting it in its place,
Covered it up,
It’s gonna grow.

We miss you,
We love you,
And I hope that one day,
I’ll see you again.

Flowers are arranged,
in a figure eight,
Skull and horns,
are what remains,
Besides all those,
Precious, little memories.

I miss you,
I love you,
And I hope that one day,
I’ll see your face again.

I'm awake again when I shouldn't be,
My eyes are studying the landscape of the ceiling,
Picking out pictures that come to breath and pulse,
In the darkness I can see the green glow of the planetary system,
I wonder if even survived that cold December night,
This happiness in my chest will fade away soon.

I see where I lay,
Under a sea of covers,
And I reach for the water but I’m sinking into the mattress,
I know where I’m going,
It’s going to be far, far away.
From today, I say,
“I’m alive, December.”

Would you believe me if I told you,
That I saw Saturn last night?
It was three a.m. and I was hating myself until I recognized it as it stuck to the ceiling.
Far away the ceiling goes as well the glow.
It’s okay cause if I am alive,
Then I can survive tonight,
I know just from memories that things will turn out okay,
Things are coming up sunny for me,
But for now my eyes are trapped on an ocean of green solar systems.
Forgive me for getting lost in myself.
I know it’s selfish, you don’t need to remind me.

I see where I lay,
Under a sea of covers,
And I reach for the water but I’m sinking into the mattress,
I know where I’m going,
It’s going to be far, far away.
From today, I scream,
“IM ALIVE, DECEMBER!”

I could sing this melody for eternity and nobody would hear.
But I don’t really care cause I just wanna feel like I’m doing something with my little poor life.
I could fish off this rock until the sun goes dead and I’d never catch one.
But something inside me tells me it’s alright and that I only need myself to know.

Enough about me, please.
Why don’t you sing for me?
Its getting a little crowded but I’m happy cause you’re here.
You’re singing from corrupted lungs but I don’t care,
You still give me chills as you sing your songs.

I could breath for millennia but no one would see the plumes that come out into the cold morning air.
But I don’t care cause I have you and maybe you can’t see but at least I can hear your voice.
If the sun were to die and I became the light, nobody would care because its just a little light.
But I don’t care cause I like it up there, where there’s no one to make fun of my meaningless songs
but you tell me that they mean something, I still can’t see it but thank you anyway.

Enough about me, please,
Talk to me if you want or sing if you please,
I just wanna know what’s on your mind,
As the room grows smaller on the growing crowd,
I huddle against you and beg you not to leave.

We’re singing through corrupted lungs but I don’t care.
We’ll give the world chills as we sing our songs.

There's always a song on my mind
One that I like to call, my suicidal thinking
It's the daily grind
It's the song that reminds that i'm still blinking

You'll tell me, "oh, you poor child"
I'm teetertottering on this bridge
Now I've finally reconciled
You won't find me, standing on the ridge

A rift in my time
they're inside my house
Don't you hear the chimes?
Guess I've entered the madhouse

I'm remembering those times when I said goodnight and fell asleep
Now I'm having to wake every hour
Something else will creep
The air that I taste is sour.

I'm standing without purpouse
I'm standing without meaning
I'm standing and wishing
I'm standing and crying
I'm standing and breaking down

F a l l i n g —

I n  a n d  o u t —

O n e  d a y —

L o v e  s e e m s  s o  f a r—

A n o t h e r  d a y—

A l l  I  n e e d  i s  y o u—

An arm reaches up towards the sky,
Am I to believe it's mine?

The ceiling shifts under an unyielding stare,
Am I to look away unquestioningly?

If all there is to mange is a consciousness,
Am I to believe I'm stable?

The midnight's so dark these days,
Where's the stars to guide me?

Guide me.

Guide me.

Guide me somewhere.

Guide me.

Guide me.

Guide me somewhere.

Can't step foot outside this forest,
Am I to believe I'm loveable?

Love me.

Love me.

Love me somehow.

Love me.

Love me.

With everything that's been given,
Am I to reclaim what's left behind?

Left me.

Left me.

Left me somewhere.

Left me.

Left me.

Dull and hardened after the war,
Won't find solace at a dive bar,
Lock me up and crash the car,
I hate who I am thus far.

The midnight's so dark these days,
Where's the stars to guide me?

Guide me.

Guide me.

Guide me somewhere.

Guide me.

Guide me.

Guide me somewhere,
So I can die anywhere,
Anywhere but here.
Don't want to die here.

I need something to breath for me,
I need something to **** for me,
I need something to feel for me,
I need something to see for me,
I need something to walk for me,
I need something to cry for me,
I need something to **** me.

I've come down from heaven,
To set your souls on fire,
My unfulfilled desire,
To watch you burn away.

I'm the king of you,
Bow down at my knees,
I like to hear your pleas,
It fuels my pent-up rage.

In the off-red lighting,
I am here ruling for pay,
Nobody can take my today,
Don't mess with me.

When soldiers come marching,
Will you all scream and run?
Or will you sit and just be done?
I'm not nice but neither are you.

I'm the king of you,
Bow down at my knees,
I like to hear your pleas,
It fuels my pent-up rage.

The ink from my pen spills onto the sand,
My hands drop down to scoop it all up,
Like an addict with *******, I'm enraptured by the pain,
So I'm getting it tattooed into the page that sits inside my head,
The ink in the sand spreads into the sea,
Blackening it all so that I can dip myself inside,
I submerge myself in the ink-water, smiling as I breathe in the liquid,
Exhaling colorful water to keep myself alive and well.

The trees seemed to close in on me as I laid in the middle of a clearing, my eyes staring up at the star-filled sky above. My breathing ragged from running to this secluded spot in the woods.
I felt the prickly pine cones under my back, letting silent tears run down my ink-stained face.
I had fought too hard, I wrote everything that I could have possibly done.

“Sing me down from the sky,” I sang to the sky, “All the way from death’s ledge. ” My chest felt heavy, whether it was my asthma or my anxiety didn’t matter anymore. I felt the scars on my wrist itch again, underneath my skin in a way I couldn’t relieve.
The trees were shadows, I could consider them demons but they really aren’t, they’re my home.
The only place I can feel satisfied with who I am.

I spent so many nights lingering in this forest, thinking the cure would be here. A mission for a purpose that would be found inside my head. Of course, I sometimes forget that my head is the most dangerous place to be.
I sat up and pulled my notebook out of the ground, along with a glowing pen. A symbol of my pent up creativity.

Maybe by writing a few poems, I’ll feel better about myself. I know that it won’t work, I need more. I need to have a name for myself, even if it’s just a few people. I want to sing to the forest and watch it sway in joy instead of pity.

I imagine myself on a stage made of bent over trees, the bark is slippery but I’m able to stand.
The people surround me, they are calling all our names. So, the ground holds me up, as I sing my heart out onto the makeshift microphone. My voice echoes and bounces through the greens, I’m finally outside my head, I’ve made it through every night and stood in a place I thought I never would.

Unfortunately, that’s not how life works. I wake up, my eyes once again looking towards the sky.
Again, words begin to spill out of my mouth in a tune, “I talk to myself and the dark grey sky beyond…”
Nothing answers, as per usual. It’s okay, I reassure myself, I don’t need a voice.
I wrap my hands in leaves and pretend that it’s a disguise.

Suddenly- I am home. My ceiling fan above me, whirring softly. My pen and paper laying on my chest. The night was sinking in and I am just as scared as I was the last night...

in reverse
from the end

this is how
we go through the motions

begin again
happy and so alive

ending in
tears and broken hearts

in reverse
to the beginning

let me
be a kid again

and I
will be happy once more

I am an internet baby,
Just started walking,
I got on mom's laptop,
Now I'm a grown up!

***** men on the internet,
Send me their photos,
And I send them mine,
Now I'm traumatized!

I am an internet baby,
Just started a new job,
As a *** worker,
I don't make any money though,
Uh oh!

***** men on the internet,
Send me their photos,
And I send them mine,
Now I'm traumatized!

Hey little me,
It wasn't your fault,
You were tricked,
In the most horrible way of all.

And to every ******* man,
Who told me,
That I was mature:

I'll light them on fire,
Every nerve end alight,
Watch them scream in pain,
Watch them in delight,
Cause they're all dead,
Everything I've done,
Is never to be seen,
By the light of day...

I stopped swallowing a long time ago,
I stopped breathing for you a long time ago,
I couldn't care less if you fell,
Cause I have my own problems too,
You scrapped your knee and I lost my heart.

I've made up my mind,
And there's nothing that you or my mind can do to stop me,
You may slow me down,
You may **** my lights,
But I will continue with the same passion as I feel now.

I've made up my mind,
To do something better than now,
Staying up until the early morning,
To dream of better years and nostalgic memories.

I've made up my mind,
I want to play keyboard,
And get up onto the stage,
To pour my words into the speakers,
Just to let people know that they are not alone.

I've made up my mind,
Even if I crash and burn,
No matter how much sludge,
I won't be a slave in a non-profit job,
I won't be stuck inside my own head,
I'll explore the world and see new things.

I've made up my mind,
I hope you're coming with me.

Remember when you got me,
Safely to ground,
But now the tides have been rising,
I'm sinking even further down.

I won't drown in this sea,
Not by your hands,
I will try to fly,
but my wings are soaked,
In the burning sea water.

As the ocean throws me around,
I am lost as to what I can say,
You said that you'd be there for me,
But now I see the blue sea is tugging me further.

But I am here so you won’t take me down.
Bring me to life, bring me to shore.
I don’t care if you don’t care,
I’ve got this now, I’m on my way.
Walking underwater but it’s steady,
I’m getting there.

Johnny Kid, where were you when she laid in her nursing home,
Drained of life and anesthetized with morphine,
She called for you, Johnny Kid, while you were drunk on Woodland Boulevard,
Her spine frail and weak, breathing heavy and unanswered,
Johnny Kid, you've been getting into the nose candy and momma ain't happy,
She's still resting on her plastic sheets, only seconds away from the forever sleep,
Poor Johnny Kid, looks like he might overdose, on the morphine he stole from the nursing home,
Now momma closes her eyes in disappointment, suddenly she's never waking up and Johnny Kid's hitting the road again.

Took me by surprise, realizing I'm a shocking mess of human,
Breaking down, bit by bit all my defenses and chasing,
Gonna miss out on the family home but do I care?
Yeah I do, quite a bit, everything in my life confided at once.

This is where I'm meant to be,
He is who I'm supposed to see,
Dad, I'm coming home,
I'm just only 18- but even the devil can see,
That I still want to hug you and cry.

Missing out on love, that's okay cause soon I'll arrive,
Everyday a new one, a new day that resides beside you,
I'll learn to grow up, By your side and inside your home,
Remember me, I did what we've been dreaming for years.

This is where I'm meant to be,
He is who I'm supposed to see,
Dad, I'm coming home,
I'm just only 18- but even the devil can see,
That I still want to hug you and cry.

Staring off into the distance,
Watching smoke obscure the mountains,
A hazy horizon calls for a dance,
How did I end up at none of my destinations?

Everything becomes a dream,
Neglected all my feathers
They dont shine in the moonbeam,
And I'm falling despite my tethers.

Caught wind on the overpass,
This beat trapped my heartstrings,
Oh, why does it never last?
Not an ounce of trust in my wings.

Everything becomes a dream,
Neglected all my feathers,
They don't shine in the moonbeam,
And I'm falling despite my tethers.

Staring at a pink haze,
I don't care if I get paid,
It's all to navigate the maze,
Before my starry eyes fade.

Everything is just a dream,
I'm losing all my feathers,
I won't bathe in the moonbeam,
Im cutting all my tethers.

Let’s find a place to park
Just after dark,
And into the night,
We’ll describe our plight.
These streetlights pass me by,
But the time tells us hope is high.

What’s quieter than the breathing,
Is it the graveyard’s heart beating,
Is it the headlights on the pavement,
Or the promises that are spelled ‘patient’?

It's dream day!
A Sunday before the **** your mind holiday,
A time when the sun doesn't shine no rays,
Faith is a march for worry and pain,
It's the smallest grain,
In all the grains of sand.

When the lights flashed red,
I was stuck inside my bed,
The sheets were turning black and blue,
Guessing I can't do Jack-squat.

If you understand what I'm going though,
Raise your arms and hail Mary,
I pray to nothing above,
I still pray that I'll be saved.

Although I cannot believe,
I really want it to be true,
That I can repent for all the sins,
And pray to God,
Come save my soul.

Maybe, I'd be a better person,
Or just so maybe I'd be losing my mind.

I knocked on Death's door asking if I could come in,
He told me, "Kid, you got all the things to live for."
Then slammed the door.

I knocked on Life's door asking for a drink,
She told me, "Kid, get your own drink, you've got your own hands."
Then slammed the door.

I knocked on God's door looking for a savior,
Nobody answered.
So I slammed the door

Choose your ghost to fall into,
Two clouds make a whole storm,
And the thunder will rumble,
As the lightening strikes,
Through the ground comes the faith you lost,
Wrap that faith around your neck,
Hope that God comes to save,
While you get thrashed against the floor,
You're screaming out for more,
And you or I stretched towards the ceiling,
Where the clouds formed the snow,
Inside your weathered room.

Nothing's gone right,
Mr. Lake is a figment of your imagination,
Poison boy keeps bothering you,
And Wool Kid's got his hood in your mouth.

You wanted to be a son,
A lamb of something so far, far away,
Of something you never believed to exist,
Yet here you lay, begging for forgiveness,
Knees to the ground and head tilted,
You were tired of rhymes and ***** bones,
Set fire, set fire, set fire to yourself,
I'm getting sick of pretending it wasn't so bad,
Cause I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't been so strange.

Nothing's gone right,
Mr. Lake is a figment of your imagination,
Poison boy keeps bothering you,
And Wool Kid's got his hood in your mouth.

Sometimes I imagine you listen when I speak,
Instead of eyeing me up like candy,
And when you couldn't have me anymore,
You flayed my flesh and laid it out on the porch.

Do I look young?
Do I look fresh?
Am I a lamb who's legal to touch?
Do I look dumb?
Do I look plush?
Am I a lamb who's legal to touch?

Now I go to meet someone new,
But all I can hear is this fear,
That they'll have me only because,
I've got these wide, large eyes,
With a slim, slender physique.