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i fall and shatter into so many pieces
that leave splints and gashes in so many people
that they fall and shatter
and lay here with me
my home
is not
the room
where i sleep
fitfully.
or the house,
broken memories
and walls
the color
of
****.

my home
is the
off-key
singing
with my sister
in her car.
the buttered popcorn
from the movie theater
that we ate together,
her and my brother and i.
the spring air
as we ran with her dog.
the monotone
of teachers droning on,
the bright laughter
of my friends.

home is made
of the little
bits of joy
that
we’ve left
scattered
behind
us.
I fall I fall
On surfaces that
Are ***** and damp and clammy and flat
I fall and land, but curtsey and stand
And while the crowds, they clap
My dress, it hangs
Over feet that cracked
I am I am
A tiny glass house
And my heart it beats under a tightly wound blouse
That accentuates my chest and shows off the rest
But carves my bones and burns my flesh
I wish I wish
Upon a star
That looks down on us
And giggles from afar
That crowds, and their parties and mirrors and reflections
Could stop biting my heels and offering objections
But since the world is just but a boat
That everyone rows to stay afloat
And since this sea ask only for performance
I'll put on my dress and dance for my audience
And as they clap as I fall but stand
I'll whisper to myself a tiny demand
That the next performance won't be so long
And the dance and prance won't finish the song
That when I jump my glass feet will shatter
And I'll disappear from space and matter
It's dry
It's pale yellow
It's devastating
It's hot and
It's a wicked summer

With drawing all energy
With it's dry, dusty winds
With all vegetation turning pale and wilted

The birds are silent
They are somewhere not visible
Hiding in the little shadows and shades

The trees are still
The plants are withering
The road-side bush wilted and dry

The lips are dry
The skin is rough
The throat is burning...

How long is this going to last
Looking at the sky,
For some clouds which are scanty

Let that summer rain come
And change this wicked summer
Into a soothing experience ..

Till then...

It's dry
It's pale yellow
It's devastating
It's hot and
It's a wicked summer
Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterwards (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback. I will be building my Author page tonight (12/21/2018) and my website finished first thing Monday!

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!

                                Big, Biggest Love,

                                               Jeff Gaines
Be careful!
and
Be NICE!
(Translation found below in notes)


Those eyes, those eyes…
Ne plus ultra …
I just knew that I'd seen them before.

Those eyes, those eyes …  
stopped my mind in it's tracks … like a ship that had ran ashore.

Those eyes, those eyes …
Sui generis …
Innocent, soothing, sublime.

Those eyes, those eyes …
They startled me … that moment they first gazed into mine.

Those eyes, those eyes…
Nonpareil …
throughout thee entire world.

Those eyes, those eyes …
like the moon so bright … or a magnificent flag unfurled.

Those eyes, those eyes …
Suaviter et dulce …
The eyes of a timeless friend.

Those eyes, those eyes …
they will find my soul … oh yes, yet again.

Those eyes, those eyes …
Coelo missus …
as I'm sure that thee angels chose.

Those eyes, those eyes …
sadly missed these days … except when mine are closed.

Those eyes … they shimmer …
just as my beloved Gulf in the summertime … a brilliant, beautiful green.

Those eyes… adorned with orange flecks …
like sapphires, adrift in those waves … are truly a site to be seen.
This piece composed itself over a 7 year span and came to fruition in October-November of 2017. Trying to write about someones eyes without sounding romantic/mushy is an uphill battle indeed. Try it, I DARE you!
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Ok, here is your Latin lesson for today:
**NE PLUS ULTRA**

noun: ne plus ultra
The perfect or most extreme example of its kind; the ultimate.
"he became the ne plus ultra of bebop trombonists"
synonyms: last word, ultimate, perfect example, height, acme, zenith, epitome, quintessence.

Origin : from Latin. Literally ‘not further beyond,’ the supposed inscription on the Pillars of Hercules prohibiting passage by ships.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**SUI GENERIS**

adjective: sui generis
Unique.
"the sui generis nature of animals"

Origin : Latin, literally ‘of its own kind.’
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**NON PARIEL**

adjective: non-pareil
Having no match or equal; unrivaled.
"he is a nonpareil storyteller"
synonyms: incomparable, matchless, unrivaled
noun: non-pareild, unparalleled, unequaled, peerless, beyond compare, second to none, unsurpassed, unbeatable, inimitable

An unrivaled or matchless person or thing.

Origin : Late Middle English: from French, from non- ‘not’ + pareil ‘equal’ (from popular Latin pariculus, diminutive of Latin par ‘equal’).
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**"SUAVITER ET DULCE"**
Translated from Latin: "Gentle and sweet"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**COELO MISSUS"**
Translated from Latin: "Heaven sent"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Say what you will about Latin. If I had written this using the English translations instead of the Latin, it would have NEVER been as good.
i thought it was normal.
hiding secrets and pain
behind locked doors
and tight smiles.

that everyone
heard voices in their heads,
saw people who weren’t there;
their ‘pretend’
was more pretend
than mine.

that the arguing
the shouting
the overflowing hurt
was a normal part
of my siblings’
teenagerhood.

that the belt was
commonplace,
the hairbrush, too,
and the barbed words that mom
threw to hurt us.

hiding in a
closet
barely big enough to fit,
to avoid a mother with a wild
look in her eyes
was normal.

i thought that the child
protective service visited
every house.

that every mother was as loving as mine
to warn me
(8 years, already regretting life)
of the gory details of my own ****
(a word i learned that day)
that would surely occur
if i ran away, left
like the deepest part of my heart
wanted to.

i grew up thinking it normal
to live expecting
to be beaten
down.

i thought that love
was a bruise so deep
that nothing
else could
compare.
 May 2018 Heart of Silver
AnnaRae
Every time I looked in the mirror
I’d think so many things
And most of those thoughts
Weren’t very kind to me
Then one day I cried out
God why did you make me this way
What made you think
I was worthy for this life
For a stunning moment
My world was silent
And God said
Because you’re a child of mine
I made you in my image
I gave you your heart
I made you for a purpose
And I know life can be hard
But I’ve been here all along
Waiting for your call
Trust in me as I in you
And I will catch you when you fall
For you are my child
And I will love you

For all eternity

-AnnaRae
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