When I was a wee little 8th grader,
I was so excited for highschool.
I was ready for the next step in life.
But now that Im older, I know that I couldnt have been more wrong.
The summer after that 8th grade year,
I lost everyone I had loved.
Including myself.
I was then thrown into this huge whirlwind of teen agnst and juuls pods.
Im supposedly experiencing the best years of my life.
But how am I supposed to experience life
When by now, Im barely alive?

Here i am,
sitting on my bed, smiling like a dork.
All because of you. :)

I wish that I was a vsco girl.
A perfect bodied 10 who lives next to the beach.
With tanned skin from those endless summers on the family's boat.
Driving in my white Jeep to see my boyfriend.
Only then to come home to my huge house,
to greet my wholesome family.
Oh what a life that would be.

I just want you to look at me the way you look at her.

Rate: 5. TBH- You're almost pretty

I am a candle.
I'm not the best at lighting up a room,
and I melt when I get over heated.
But I would do my best to light the way,
just for you.
But then when you found a flashlight.
A light that a little candle couldn't compare to.
You didn't need me anymore.
So you turned towards me and blew out my flame,
and you left me burned.

I know my brain isn't perfect.
There are a lot of things about myself that I'm not brave enough to share yet.
And honestly, that's ok.
My grades don't define me, and they don't decide what I'm capable of
I am a different person than I was before, and I have grown so much.
I am me, and that's the best thing I could be. :)

I swear to god if you smile at me like that one more time I will not hesitate to fall in love with you.

I am in love with you.

My hands still shake constantly,
I usually tend to hide them in my pockets.

I still think about you sometimes, my memories with you still sting

Hey :)
Go drink some water.
Tell the people close to you that you love them.
Smile more, you really do look great today.
Forget that boy or girl who broke your heart.
You deserve so much happiness in this life, i promise.

At my funeral I want everyone to wear yellow.
I dont want to have a single person wearing black.
My whole life has been so dark,
Ive been haunted by that depressing color for too long now.
So just this once, please let me have at least a little light.

The truth is that I like you a lot,
and thats really ******* scary for me.
Here for so long I have kept myself away from crushes and love because I am so scared of getting hurt again and its pathetic.
But instead, here I am in your arms as we watch movies and make promises we cant keep.
In actuality my confession is that I dont regret anything from then.
Because at the end of everything, Im still just a stupid girl who us going to fall in love with a romantic boy.

I died when my mom forgot my birthday.
I died when she made me feel like i didnt matter, and that nobody could ever love me.

I died everytime I saw just how tired my dad was when he got home from work. And how hard he tried to provide for all of us.

I died when the people i cared about the most in my life moved away. And every single one of them left me here to rot. Never once did they actually care, and i dont think they ever will.

I died when i looked in the mirror. Everytime having to be reminded about the way that i look. Being forced to try to accept the fact that i look this way.

I died when they used to hit me and push me to ground because im small.

I died when everyone laughed at me and called me ugly. When they would whisper and stare at me at all times. When even though i could never control these things, they still thought it was funny as hell to laugh at.

I died everytime i drove past my old house. The house that held all the memories of my past happiness. Where i could go to sleep peacefully without crying before. When i could go out into the world without having to put on a fake face

There is so much more. But i just cant right now. Im sorry. Im just so tired.