We tried to wash away the stains
With rain, but something went wrong
They took us away today , again
With praise, they said it was all wrong
The children can not be saved
But pray- that everything is all good
They say , but nothing is as flawed
Our plans- Made- for the summer.
He stayed there on the interstate
In blood, he is a name on his grave
They can not wash away - like memory
In vain, they try, the rain
The rain

Everyone trying to explain
                I try but can i afford to?
                  Leaving for good , in ink


Wait a minute
Is this even legal?
Money baths
Coke plates
Romance
From royalties?
Surroundings
Heroes , ******
Introscopics
All the same
Saying-*******
I love you.


                         I know what it lookslike
                       Cliches and cheap flowers
                       Conversations gone cold
                        Some of you haven't met
                         I just wanted something
                      That was meant to happen
          Everything pure gets ****** in
The end

Under a bold lettering of pinholes
  A night time sky cast in early essence
Lay - infog.the remains of a broken bell
  Hidden in a lost hum of silence,
   The first cries- a grebe or grieve..
For the time to rest our eyes is over
The blue starts to show again, slowly
Whats waiting in an envelope,
Fortune cookie type numbers odometer
Coffee
Our radio kicking back into itself
Folk take buses , trains, automobiles
Some walk- others sleep
And i . Breathe
And cough
Put my shoes back on
Come to a stop to-
Wait in line for a cigar
Go home and climb sore, not soar
Aching- into the only bed i long for
My dreams

"You get this smile," he says, "one that looks like you may just ****** everyone and enjoy every moment of it, but it's cute and calming at the same time."

He says, he likes the way I wear angst, and awkward.
He displays emotion like no one I've ever known.
Lying with him is somber,
and beautiful.
Lying with him is comfortable, is home.

Every fiber of my being is screaming
Push him away

Reciprocation of his investment frightens me like needles in my spine,
I am fine
on my own.

What scares me is not being let down.
But, I could not bear to let him down
again.

Lonely was once only caring for someone, and them not caring back.
But what is to be said about having someone care for you, and being incapable of caring back?

Numb, is a special breed of pain.
But I am not giving up this time.

High risk, high reward.
Just like the stock market.
You don't always get back what you put in.

For some people,
Reality is too much to bear.
For some people,
The weight of the air in their lungs
Is too heavy to hold
And for some
Just living is
too much.

Call it insanity if you want
Go ahead, cast that stone
if you want

I call it a hyper-awareness.
And maybe a mind with too
logical a view of how
Illogical
It all is and how
Tragically
Ironic life is and how
Impending
Our doom is.

I know a fair few of these.
They are mostly good, kind people
Who have too good an understanding of the words
"Infinite"
And
"Nothing"
And of the point where those two words meet.

So to my friends who want to end it
Because they see too much every day
Who can't breathe because they're
Drowning in rising water-
I hope you live long enough to find
A reason to.
Because I am confident
That like with all things,
If you persist in looking

You will succeed in finding.

Sunset on the earths saliva
Stick to the roads a snail trail
Wriggling inside like worms
Cant turn off the terror nerves
Nervous as never known nursing
An infant hidden in the closet
Fall asleep waiting for dreams
A ghost in the wire , fiending
Blanket wrapped around you
Naked on the porch , long night
Long sunrise , reflecting off the pool

Writing myself encouraging notes for the morning, knowing I'll need them to get through the day;
Is it crazy to talk to yourself in 3rd person through means of ink?
I've been finding myself more neurotic than usual.
Lists and notes help.
I swear it's not a self esteem issue,
I assure you of my confidence,
But I just cannot seem to figure out why it is I've sparked interest in so many intricate and spectacular people.
I've come upon so many outstanding friendships.
Sometimes, I'll admit, I forget to remember the vast support system I've found myself immersed in.
I have the ability to soar through the day, wearing a crooked smile, my personal notes in pockets, and friendship in my heart.
I must only remember not to forget.

One magpie on my balcony
makes me finally begin to feel
I am in the need of company from
Either the only thing that is real
Benign life being alone aloof or
To morn a dark separate from night in my sleep it took away from my eyes
All of my best years with a symphony
Of skeletal men set on high
Stabbing and singing me
These death lullabies
Howling my bones away
Hollow as child's play
One magpie Singing me to sleep

And the songbird gives me hope
When sleep offers no home
Waking up hours before the end of the day