I strum Pawn Shop Blues
on my guitar
An ode to you
A longing
A calling
Hoping the sounds
of the soft chords
Float up to the moon
And fall back to the Earth
Right in front of you

I wish I could transform into a dove
Just so I could watch down on you from above
My eyes full of pure love
But you are so far gone

I don't even know where to start looking
for you

Speak to me through the radio
I always have it turned on
And I will always be listening  

I am afraid to step into the future
I am afraid it will never be as golden
As when we lied down in the grass together
I'm scared I'll never find any love even close to yours
Not now or ever

RHCP on my car's radio
My thrills are found on the backroad
I live in my memories
I never let anything go

You don't care
But I still do
Push me far away
I fall back to you
Cant make you love me
I just wish you would

I stay awake all night
Just to see the morning light
The blue and gold
The melting colors of the sunrise
Have shown me
That change is beautiful
But I'm scared of anything new

I miss you
I always will
I wonder if you still write little poems
Just like you used to

If you wrote a letter to the moon
Would you beg for her not to go down
Anytime soon?
So that her silver light would never fade
And you would never leave me
No, you would only stay

I've been disappointed
I put the ones I loved on the highest
shelf
as if they can do no wrong
I often forget to take a look at myself

Should I run away
From who I am
Should I cut my hair color it change my
name
Unfortunately I know I will act the same

I'm reminded of my own struggles
Everywhere I look
Why have I been quiet this entire time
Discouraging my own happiness

I only trust a select few
The artists the poets my mother
They have seen this cruel world
I find comfort in their views
For the understand the pain I go through

The pan is impossible to explain

There is no way to undue the past
I wish I would have shown more love
If I did
Maybe the one I loved would not have left
So fast

Time changes nothing
Each bad memory still burns
Waiting for the past to reveal something
What can I say I have learned?

pt 1  
the moon looked like a chunk of gold
the clouds trying to take hold
of the moons glow
but it's light cast on the lake
refusing to do as its told  
a shimmering stream of moonray
dances on the dark blue water
moves side to side
forbidden from restriction
all the unearthly beauty
moon, are you trying to hide something ?
you can tell me  
anything
moon can i ask, what is the closest star to the earth?
show me the dark side few see
i won't leave,
the truth doesn't scare me
i will stare in awe as your wisdom falls down to the earth
pt 2
a heart made of garnet
a pack of reds
satin sheets cover my bed
a conscious as heavy as lead
love that is strong  
love that finally doesn't feel wrong
love that won't fall apart
living in a daydream
i hate to check the time.
it would only remind me that this moment has an expiration  
so i'll forget to check the clock
i'll just get lost in the hydrangea, lilac, hyacinths and daisies
no.
i will not let the time jade me

i miss the spring time
i miss driving around with my windows down
the smell of cola and fresh limes  

i miss the warm breeze
i miss the chilly rain
i smile but all i feel is pain  

the music on my radio many hear,
but few listen
messages are hidden in night time shadows  
but you stare at the sun as it glistens

i miss the asphalt cowboys
and all the baby magick
i miss going a hundred down the highway
my car was melted silver, the most
beautiful metallic  

how does anyone bear
this heavy humanness
the feeling of being completely full
of emptiness?

time flys by.
time is lost.
wasted time
is the ultimate cost.

rock playing softly
an airplane flys
in a teal sky

i don't pick
the spring flowers
anymore

i only caress
the fallen petals
of the cherry blossom
i promise

i promise
i won't hurt you no more  

i want to be beautiful
and unseen
timid and growing

born from a dream
multifaceted
there is no capturing me

the spring sunshine
melts into my eyes
i try not to cry

"wish you were here" plays
there is no one to hold my hand
how i wish you would have stayed

my bird fly free
from your cage
fly down South
where the orange
groves are sweet
and where the sun never sets
on the golden sand
you'll be free from worry
free of gloom
and I hope to head down
to see you soon
no one matters to me  
only you
my baby bird so blue
blue enough to match the sky
as blue as the tears in my eyes  
when I told you goodbye

i'll hope and pray
you'll come back my way
eventually

1
tell me something sweet
promise me this life isnt real
i feel the tears grow in my eyes
even though I forget how to feel
2
im on the highway
i daydream we see
out of the same set of eyes
so we can both see the beauty
of our own paradise
as we both lie
starring into the tangerine sky
3
god took extra time on you
eyes crystal clear blue
your actions only offer kindness
i love everything you do
4
Sometimes the only warmth I feel
Is the sunlight against my skin
Sometimes the only uplifting thing I see
Is a lone bird flying high in the sky
In the late summers wind
5
"We only have what we remember"
Are the truest words
I've ever heard
Have I already passed over to the other side?
Why can no one reach me
Is it my fault?
I must have lost the key
To unlock the door of serenity

Drivin round
Lookin out my window
Through the eyes
Of my small town

Early Morning
Smoke my first cigarette
Of the day
I let my eyes get heavy
As I wait
and watch my future slip away

Day dream to escape any pain
Im fine living a mess
I let my troubles
come and go
I live in a state of acquiesce
Which is dangerous

Of all these things I've done
I wouldn't change a single one
Except for the times
I've held back
Hidden emotions

Wishing for someone
To take notice of my notions
Someone to help me
Figure out life's confusing commotions  

Its okay if I die
Sooner than later
To die young
With a heart filled with
Love
Instead of
Jaded
A heart that was taught lessons but
Never learned
A heart thatd been burned.

I try to imagine Life as a movie
We must chose to see
Life's all encompassing beauty
Which is not easy

Time passes quickly
And life never plays out like you thought
You can't predict the convoluted plot
It is all up in the air  
I have found you obtain more pain
When your heart begins to love and starts to care  

Often we are dealt a dreary role
Our emotions become heavy and take a toll
Suddenly our once shiny, new dreams
Fall and shatter, a million pieces of glass impossible
to piece back together

The characters in the movie will not remain
Most people you love will eventually fade away
You can come to this realization as you slowly see them change
But remind yourself
Change is a necessary evil
No one is to blame

There is some fun
It comes in not knowing the next scene
A call from a long lost love or
A dance is the ever cleansing summer rain
Can make life worth living once again

Part1
It's lonely to look out at the cloudy sky
On an August night
And wonder who will come into
And drift out of my life
Aimless
Stuck in this strange matrix
I don't know how to overcome
The feeling of becoming numb
Part2
Summer is ending
My mind begins transcending
Into the beautiful world of memories
Is it wrong to look into the past
To try to gain knowledge and reflect
On all the times I've held back
Was scared to show my love
Fearful I might lack
The essential fundamentals
To be loved
Part3
It is impossible to know
Where you will be found
Next year
The funniest part is that you'll never grow
If you let  your roots dig into the ground
The pain of remaining the same?
Or the pain of wandering into an unfamiliar frontier?
Which is to be feared?

We are not meant to float through this life
As far as I know
It is so hard to dream
When materialism rules everything
To be young and in love
Is all we should fantasize of
What can connections or riches truly do
For you?
Opulence leads to abuse
To willful ignorance and misuse
To not be able to look around
And be grateful for what God has given
Sunlight
Moonlight
The gentle winds
That offer a change of perspective
If you allow yourself to give in
And look in
side your heart
Still so lost and no where to be found
It is hard to say where my mind is right now
Love seems convoluted
A caprice heart
Meaningful moments constantly misconstrued
Ive only ever felt like a freak
Fit in no where
Only with strangers I breifly meet
Here and there
I fall in love quickly
(due to immaturity? )  
The stranger leaves me
High and dry
Disconnected completely
I haven't learned the lesson of who to trust
When I am left in the cold
I just blame this misfortune on unearthly bad luck
At times I cant understand
The purpose of this life  
This feeling of despair is out of hand

Sunlight falls on your white house
Beautiful enough to make me blush
Rose of Sharon closing up
As the sun falls down to dusk
Sweet Indiana
Tell me what I did wrong
Alls Im trying
Is to figure out where I belong
I stare at the sun
As it descends into the tall grasses  
I long to belong
In your strong arms again
Hold me like the child I was
Life seemed much simpler then
If I could have only opened my eyes
To realize what lies ahead
I want to send a prayer to God
To ask forgiveness for all the bad I've done
But my tongue is dry
From all the whiskey
But I'm feeling brave enough to try
I ask God to send Love down to the Earth
Pure Love from the Heavens above
God answers back
"You're a little lost"  
But God,
Aren't we all?

I've been feel sullen
For some time now
Resentful of my past
And the moody way
I act
I'm kinda outta luck
Life  has been stagnant
And my heart is getting numb
So I pop my bubblegum
And roll my eyes
As a guise
For my uneasy feeling of life
I've never had a moral compass
Pointing me due North
No I've been a wayward scrap of light
That some stop to observe
But quickly move on
Realizing I'm a waste of time
That I'm too absurd  
Late at night I'll ask myself
Do other people feel astray?
I can never tell  
Everyone is wearing a grin
And has a plan
As if Hope is guiding them from within
Well I envy their confidence
To go after what they love
As of right now
My dreams are a long shot
But if I put one more penny in life's slot
I could hit a jackpot

i wont wait
for heavens gate
to open
love is innate
i was never meant to tolerate
heart break
i become desolate
my mind sets up prison walls
no windows at all
and my dreams dressed as an inmate
attempts an escape
only to fall on its back
and cry aloud
there is no escape
the only answer is to isolate
soft hearts do not belong
in your cruel world

Past midnight
Cruising the backroads
In yer monte carlo
A cigarette on my lips
A tear on my cheek
There comes a fog
Then a rain
Is it true
That I can only see the shadow of you?
Cherry blossom under the
Street light
The lilacs are not ready to bloom
It is all so beautiful
And it is all gone too soon
I still dream of you
And when I awake
It still feels as though
You'll be lying
Right next to me
But the harsh reality
sets in.
So I brace myself
for the monotony
of another day
of my true love
being very far away

Drowning in cigarette smoke
My throat burns
As I laugh at another of life's trials
But to me its no more than a joke

How can this beautiful world
be taken so seriously
I was not put on this Earth
To participate in this ugly monotony
Cant you see?

My hair is the color
of the night sky
My cheeks blush the same
pink as a rose
My mind wanders like a butterfly in summertime
And I hate doing what im told.

I do not love like others do
I have fell for the sun
the stars and the moon too
It is hard to know when love is true
But I have learned true love is never fleeting
It will always be returned to you

I am growing old very fast
As I write this poem it remains in the past
I will never be as young as I am right now
What to do
With an hourglass
Winding down

If I could have only
Made the good times
Last a little longer

I know more heartbreak lies ahead
I beg you to let me down easily
As I try to keep my heart tender
Regardless of loves infrequency

The moon wraps me
In its lack of light
Soft against my skin
The moon
Kisses my cheek
I have become an outcast
Just wishing for my days to pass
So I can see the moon
And feel like I used to
In the moon's dark sheets
I can be myself
Let the stars illuminate all
the world needs to see
Without the moon
I could never dream
Give me the chance to escape
My makeshift reality  
I'm on my own
Pull me out of my blue nightmares
A pearl glowing in the dark velvet night
The only light
I ever see
Is past midnight
I dont only love you when you're full
I love every shape you are
Glowing yellow as a candle
Or a tint of blue
A kiss of red
The same blushing pink I feel in bed
White as a ghost whose risen from the dead
Wear a cloud as your wedding veil
You are nightfall's favorite mistress
After all

Despondent Dreamer  
So you didn't show up.
Is it because your heart is locked up?
The sky tonight is hazy
Take the time
To observe the beauty around you
The way the white flowers bloom
The sunrise and sunset too
Instead of feeding your fears
You have started to believe  
What are you so afraid of?
You can tell me
Life will pass you by within the blink of an eye
At the speed that teardrop fell from your cheek
Stop to think
That after all  
We are just visiting
This earth
For a short time
You don't owe anyone a thing
Please don't let love pass you by
It is all we have in this life
Grasp love with your strong fist
But allow love to come and go
Leaving you with both heartache and bliss

You were the answer to my prayers
But now you act like you don't care
You're the reason I smoke
You're the reason I'm giving up slowly  
You're the one I hoped
Would save me from spiraling into a
Meaningless eternity
You're the one I miss
You're the reason I'm killing myself slowly
You're the one who felt like my last
Love
No I'll never fall in love again.
You're the one I dream of
Please come to me again
You're the one I think of when the sky
turns pink
I miss you so much
But do you ever think
Of me?


On this Sunday night
I'm on my balcony
Singing to the moon
That you'll never be too far from me
But it's already June
You're no where to be found
Just my tears to keep me company
Oh to be bound
By a hopeless love

You have changed
But i still remain
Living with the past
In love with who you used to be
What happened to
The man you once were
Did you lose sight
Of whats important in life
I remember sittin with you
Crying, lying on the floor of your bathroom
Ya life has vengeance
Life has teeth that bite  
Well that night broke my heart

If I was just a fragment of your life
Why are visions of you haunting my dreams tonight
They say once your true love is gone
That the days are twice as long
And everything feels wrong

If I had met you in the spring instead of the winter
Would our love had the chance to grow
Instead of turning stagnant and cold
Maybe in the next life Ill meet up with you again
So I can once again mine
All the diamonds in your mind
Im so in love with whoever you are
This heartbreak will be my biggest scar

I'll worry when youre gone
When you're off so far away
I worry you got a prettier girl
Who has shown you
The Brightside of the world
You may love her
You may settle down with her
But just remember
She'll never be your Pearl.
The girl who'd seen you cry
On yer bathroom floor
The girl who promised she could love you more
With each and every day
The girl who still dreams of you
night and day
Always on my mind
We just didn't meet at the right time  
Well
How cruel of the God above
To place me in your arms
and then drop me to the Earth
from the heavens above
I cant deal with you havin another love
Because we met in a dream, we met before this life
You are the only one I'll ever love
I am bereft of
you

Come live in my trailer park daydream
Where there is always a full moon
To illuminate the palm trees
And where our once lost love
Is only meant to be
Hazy yellow and purple moonlight
On your skin
We're young and free  
I love to see you grin
Up at the stars
And then back to me
No sadness
No regret  
To live in the past
As if its all we have left
To stay in that moment
Stuck in time
You and me lying in the grass
And the fireworks at night
Will be my last thought before I die
Your punk rock reverie
Swirled from your heart to my mind
my Rockstar I see you on stage
I smile
Theres no question
You'll always be mine

I drove to the ocean on Route 41
And I looked out into that endless blue
I couldn't admire the ocean's beauty
I could only think of you

I was blinded, I could not see
any of the rolling waves
In front of me

I pray to the angels
I pray every night
For the love of my life
To return to me

Will the angels answer/
Ill never know
As Im about to leave
Destination unkown

My heart is broken
By the old songs
On my radio
The beautiful memories of you rewind
In my aging mind
Where did the time go

Fast forward to present day
Im never happy
Doesn't matter where I run off to
I could drive for a hundred miles
And all Ill ever think of is you

The quietness of your absence
Is the worst sound Ill ever hear
Without you Im so small in this world
There is no hiding from my fears

I miss being safe
In the world of your dreams
Hidden away from Earth's evils
Where nothing is as scary as it seems

Now I am forgotten
So Ill just sit at home and drink
And wish that the next time I blink
Youll be here to pick me up
In your Chevy Pick Up Truck
And take me for a ride
As we listen to the radio
And not ever have to wonder
Where did the time go

You dont smile
When I tell stories
Of my strange past
You just give me a grimace
A dead look in the eyes
Like youre tired of hearing my *******  

You look as though everything you love
Has been burned into ashes
Into cinders
That the wind has picked up
And blown away from you forever

I remember being young and in love
With the person you once were
Now your heart is black
And I don't know how I plan on fixin that

Just know I still love
Every part of you
Even if the days coming are bleak
With no dreams left to speak of

Wander down your darkest street
Im right beside you
Ill fight any demon you meet

You can do anything
You want to
You can make the

Ocean

Black and blue
Black and blue

It is too difficult
To hide your true self
Just let the waves be felt
Against your soft skin
And your delicate heart

The clouds above are
Made of chiffon
Teardrops fall as you leave me

Withdrawn is my reality
But that is how I prefer to be

All the shameless daydreams
Are about you

Sad eyes
Golden sand
Cigarettes
Where did you run off to,
My man?

The girl with daffodils in her eyes
Lets no one see her cry
She is the only one
To see a silver sunrise

To be a daydream
To be in love
To forever have a ten year old heart
Is all this girl could ever hope of

She knows after every heartbreak
She becomes a little more quiet
She sees her lips start to seal
While she becomes submissive to
Her own darkness

The less you speak the faster you die
No one there to console the flower girl
Trusting the ones she loved
Was her only downfall

The air had turned crystalline blue
It was a fog none could see through
Trees encased in ice
And the suns golden rays ever so slight

Farmland covered in diamonds
Dazzles few
As we have become accustomed to
Mother Nature's brilliance  

The tree dance
With the  melody given by changing winds
While the birds sing like angels
And the sunshine melts away too fast

Smoke rising off the Earth
In the twilight
Two lovers get to know one another
Better in this January moonlight

Soft orange glow
The strip
City of Angels
Los Angeles
Neon lights
The heart of rock n roll

Whiskey a go go
Lose and ******
The latest riot performing
Makin it all look easy

Bad boys of Hollywood
On the prowl
Hottest ticket in town
Hell's in crowd

Cult hero Jeff Starship
Has exited the stage
His last words put a curse on rockstars
Who adorn themselves in gold lame

Trash Metal
Super fast
Super heavy
How long can they last?

They got drugs they got grit
Their agent smiles
"They'll make it...
If they live"

You drive and drive  
You pull up to your late fathers home
You cry, you whimper
A thunderstorm approaches
To let you know you're not alone

High noon in Colorado
But the sky is dark
You run for yer mama
And ask her to mend your broken heart

Lightning only flashes
Rain never shows
The promised rain could have washed away
The problems that continue to grow

Your childhood house is abandoned
Weeds all around
You step out of memory lane  
Wearing a frown

What more can you do
Than to try to move on
While the sparrows sit in Colorado
And sing your father's favorite song

If anyone ever
Comes near my grave and asks
“What was her favorite time?”
Smile and tell them
It was Saturdays at nine.

The clouds are gone
But Austin is too
And now the sky  
Has turned too blue.

The birds mindlessly fly  
They sing of a pain I never knew
Their singing goes unanswered
The sky is too blue.

The sky is too blue!
The pilot cried
As he had just written
Austin's name
Up in the sky.

My car glides round the backroads
Music from the radio speaks true
Of all the good times we had together
The sky is too blue.

I used to say the sky is too blue
How I was once confused
I would say,

"Sky...
Why aren't you sad?
Why aren't you somber and gray?
Don't you miss having Austin on Earth
As much as I do?"  

The sky and it's clouds
Shed a tear and
Whispered...

"the deepest shades of sadness and melancholy
come in blue
my dear... "

A butterfly sails  
In a sky that's ocean blue
Near the cream puff clouds
Where Austin must be now
I wish I was up there too.

The pain remains the same
The pain of losing Austin which I can not evade.

Wouldn't it be funny
If this sad life was just a dream
And I could open my eyes
And everything would once again be rosey.
No one missing, no more dying  
Austin once again by my side,
Just as it should be.

I was in love with a man
Who didn't have no shoes
Ya that man was down and out
That man had sure turned blue.

I was in love with a man
Who was so beautiful and kind
Ya that man could have been mistaken
For a flower in the springtime.  

I was in love with a man
Who could play anything with strings
Ya that man was so talented
Did I mention he could sing?

I was in love with a man
Who had a heart of pure gold
Ya that man promised
We'd love eachother til we were weak and old.

I was in love with a man
Who had wavering tides
Ya that man was made of the ocean and the sky
I always was wonderin what he wanted to hide.  

I was in love with a man
Who loved his drugs
Ya that man could get so high
He would fly round me like a dove.

I was in love with a man
Whose eyes always looked a little lonely
Ya that man had a tragic lifestyle
He really made me worry.

I was in love with a man
Who reminded me of the sun
Ya that man was so bright
His light touched everyone.

sometimes past midnight
my window'll be open
'n ill hear the rev
of a motorcycle
that sounds got me hopin
that maybe in my dreams
ill meet up with Him
and we can pretend
Hes come back from heaven

nothing was more lovely
than the sound of His voice
along with the strum  
of His guitar

how I wish my Baby
wasn't so far
away.

I remember how bad He hurt
and how He always put others first
no wonder He needed to get high
to escape the strife in His life
it was the only way He could fly


He constantly had roses blooming
in His mind
though animosity was constantly
looming
from all His connections, riches, n fame

it was all enough
to drive anyone insane.

but

my Baby had always been a rose
and
when His band was all the rage
He would light up the stage
with His angelic ways
n His bass draped
cross His small frame

Hes gone now
He had to go
back from where
He came

heaven

ill still be waitin
for Him
on His black motorcycle
with the flames
because nothings the same
without Him.

the rose held its head down
in its final hours
as the rain poured down
in a sudden summer shower

the daffodils sat at the edge of the high way
and would wave at the cars thatd pass
their exhaust made the petals melt
their once proud heads begin to sink
to Decay
the petals bow to kiss the grass
no one can feel the pain these flowers have felt