They say “I love you,”
They say “I care,”
“I’ll never leave you
I promise, I swear.”
But time passes
And promises fade,
The love is lost
You’ve been betrayed,
They left, they’re gone
Just memories remain
Playing on repeat,
Can’t ease this pain.
Fell for the soulless,
The one with no heart,
The devil was once an angel
And heaven and hell aren’t far apart.

Tears brimming in my eyes
Like a volcano ready to explode.
Instead I keep it within myself,
Shredding my insides
And melting my skin.
A cry for you is swallowed,
Escaping for a moment
Only to be clapped over,
Sobbing into these hands.
The air in my lungs fill with smoke,
I shake as I am ready to erupt.
"Explode explode explode."
Instead I sit back and watch
Myself from third person perspective.
The screams of pain
Filling up this brain
Like a volcano ready to explode.

You struck me down
I brought you up
You broke my heart
You stupid ****
My ****** body
Lay by your side
A knife in hand
You laugh with pride
On my hands and knees
I crawl back to you
With bleeding wrists
I whisper, "I love you too"
There's no way out
Of this hell I'm in
Slaughter me now
Consume my sin
You didn't care
About me now or then
So I'm done with you
I won't come back again.

The most bittersweet thing I’ve gotten from life is that I understand my worth, yet I still want to die.

Sitting patiently on the edge,
Heart pounding and stomach knotted,
I prepare to take the plunge.
My conscious warding me away,
The depression shoving me towards.
My palms smell of sweat
And body of untaken showers.
Gripping my pack and lighter,
I walk into the room with overlapping chatter
And head straight for the *****.
With shaking arms and swelled eyes,
I take a sip of future regret.

I feel drained, empty on gas.
There is no more adrenaline in me
To push the pedal forward,
To feel the surge of energy in my veins
As my speed rises up, up the odometer.
I am coasting,
Stuck at thirty-five miles per hour,
Flattening my foot down
In an attempt to feel a rush,
Yet remaining the same as before
At thirty-five miles per hour.
Should I turn to the nearest guardrail?
Stop completely and give up?
I am afraid they will revive me,
And I will continue on
At thirty-five miles per hour.
Now stuck knowing,
That there is nothing I can do
To change my course.

Drowning in the Memories
Of sadness and pain,
Growth and progress sprout up
Intertwining with beauty.
I cast off the thunder cloud
And finally take a deep breath in and — air.
The rain dissipates simultaneously with my addictions,
Oxygen floods my veins
And I am awake, I feel alive.

Some days, I am simply encapsulated by nature.
The tree’s vivid green branches
And the etched pinecones lay fallen near.
The brisk, sharp wind fills up my lungs
As if I’m breathing in a new life,
To remind me that beauty is alive.

Other days, I am targeted by emptiness,
And my head rings with an overwhelming numbness.
The dryness of my skin threating to chip away
The only thing of depression keeping my gravity down
And I feel like giving it all up.

But I will fight for those “some days.”

Humming through my bones,
This world’s bitter end.

I keep spinning and spinning
and just waiting to crash;
always fried up and dried up
one day my body will turn to ash.
I run on nothing --
in me the sound of emptiness ticks.
Like a clock without parts
I feel damaged, I feel sick.
I keep moving, keep workin
but feel nothing anymore,
Like a clock without parts
I am numb at the core.
No changing, no stopping
No relieving this pain
I am empty, I am alone
And going insane.