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  Feb 2019 Rachel
Joliver
If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?
  Apr 2018 Rachel
Keerthi Kishor
When I was five,
my mother told me I was loved.
Years later, she asked me to leave because
I was the reminder of the gruesome past that haunted her.

When I was ten,
my father told me he believed in me.
Years later, he refused to accompany me because
I was an embarrassment to him in front of the society.

When I was fifteen,
my friends told me I was funny.
Years later, they all laughed at me because
I was the gullible teenager who fell for their flawless façade.

When I was twenty,
this guy said I was beautiful.
Years later, he trashed me, tormented me because
I was ignorant enough to overlook my inevitable flaws.

So, sorry for not believing in you,
for questioning your intentions, inclusively, in-depth
when you told me you loved me because
I didn’t want to wind up years later,
learning it the hard way that people often don’t mean what they say.
"Pistanthrophobia is just not everyone's cup of tea."
  Apr 2018 Rachel
levi eden r
and they told me they understood,
but they don't.
they don't know but i can see the growing fear and concern in their eyes when i said
"mama i wanna die."
and if my last breath were today please know that no matter how much i planned for this day,
my death wasn't planned.
cause it comes and goes you see.
there's something,
someone,
hanging the want for life in front of my eyes and there are times where i desperately try to grasp it,
but dad i just can't anymore.
it's not your fault.

i couldn't feel your love even if you told me you loved me a million times.
i couldn't feel the euphoria i was supposed to feel when smiling or laughing anymore.
i'm sorry to keep breaking your heart but my mind was still made up even when recalling "the best day ever" to try to convince myself that this life is worth living.

cause it's not,
for me.
i knew since the day i was born that this was a mistake.
god, made a mistake.
i'm not supposed to be here,
at all.

so send me off peacefully.
clean out my room and move far far away and call it
"starting over".
i know it'll be impossible to forget your son,
your friend,
your brother,
but please,
try.
intstagram // @introawake
Rachel Mar 2018
In dreams is where it would happen.
I’d awake in a bed of white flowers and observe the light blue sky.
I’d look to my left to seem them staring back and how my heart and insides fluttered.
Was this the cloud I have heard many talking of? They’d take my hand and the view would change.
High above and wrapped around was what I sensed.
Time was limited and soon reality started to obviate it all. Chaos arose and how I yearned to feel their connection once more.
Somber and turbulent I became when I awoke from nothing.
Walking in the rain was all I could do, until a rainbow appeared and I saw that this feeling of seeing them, dream or reality, was extant.
Rachel Dec 2017
There’s this one thing I will never tell,
I’ve only told one person, but after I didn’t feel very well.
One moment it’s the me you see,
and then it’s the me I never wished to be.
The way I feel whenever I think about it makes me disgusted,
I’m living a lie.
Till this day I’m still in denial,
But I know the forbidden truth.
And because of that, I’m taking this secret
To
My
Grave.
  Dec 2017 Rachel
Rylie Lucas
Middle School
Full of friends and love
Hate and lust
Being thrown under the bus

Doing the right thing
Is harder than it sounds
Harder than it looks, too
Always wanting to be found

Rescued from the abyss
That feeds off of your sadness
That doesn’t know when to stop
That will make you collapse

Needing support
Wherever you can find it
Taking it from others
If it means peace

Life upside-down
Never know how
To turn your life over
That frown upside-down

So when you find peace
Wherever you find it
You never want to leave it
But sometimes you must

Coming back to resurface
After all the sadness
You see the world differently
Then you saw it before.

People can help
But sometimes they don’t
Sometimes they think their helping
But really they’re not

Don’t fall for the lies
The deceptions they place
To try and make you come with them
And do the wrong things

Because in the end, you’ll find
You never wanted to be with them
You just want to be you
And not just some hologram

Embrace who you are
And what you’ve gone through
No matter what it is
Walk up with open arms

Take what you have
And don’t worry about what you don’t
Because in the end, you’ll find
There’s nothing wrong with you

You’ve been through high times
And low ones, too
But no matter what had happened
You found your way through

Through the darkness, you emerged
Opening your eyes
To a new world of color
Without wearing a disguise

Learning who you are
Can change how you act
Change how you feel
Even change how you react

Because now you know
How to see in color
No longer in the darkness
World seeming brighter

Every day can be a good one
If you know how to live it
All you have to do
Is change how you see it
Writing a poem for my Passage Personal Statement. What do y'all think?
  Dec 2017 Rachel
kas
this is how it happens
it's the last day the temperature will be
above thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit
until February
you're not looking at the date
it's just the end of November
the middle of the night in the middle of a road
at the end of November
the hum of this small town hurts your ears
you're stuck in a dream where everything you see
turns into a weapon
this is how it happens
you knocked back sharp, amber liquid
to make this place feel a little more okay
and it only worked halfway
no matter how soft the edges are
you bruise your hips when you
run into them in the dark
you're ******* on your fourth cigarette when
a police officer pulls over and asks
how you're doing today
in the too-bright white of the headlights
the sick taste of Red Stag sticks to
the roof of your mouth
the mouth that you're moving into a smile
the mouth exhaling plumes of smoke at the ground
you're okay
"i'm okay."
you don't tell him what you're really doing
you're really taking all of your
thoughts about stopping your pulse for a walk
you don't tell him you've been
chasing ambulances all night long
please, officer don't leave me alone, you don't say
he tells you to have a good night and drives away
and this is how it happens
the moon smiles at you with every single one
of its tiny, sharp teeth
nobody but your cat finds you in that bathtub
nobody but your cat watches you rise from red water
watches it drip drip drip
from every chasm carved in your left arm
nobody but your cat saw the soft animal of your soul
shiver from the cold that day
it's the first day the temperature
dropped below
thirty-two degrees Fahrenheit inside your chest
based on true events
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