snapshot memories
lay scattered in silence.
An abundance of unclean
and hazy lives interconnect
before me, dodging and weaving
in disarray
some overlap
and others steer far apart,
but all are destined to be something.
And far apart from these, my life;
a torn edged, blurry photograph
lies in the middle,
moon light burns its edges
and sunlight fades its image
wind and rain thin its paper
but still it remains;
with possibilities beyond
what i or anyone else can imagine,
and so i sit from afar
gazing at this wonderland..
this ancient ritual of connections
that we call life,
teary eyed at its condition
and in this
try to find comfort in my
constant confusions.

There will always be Paris

Written For The City I love
Jude Kyrie

*There is smoke in the air tonight.
In the old city that has seen many
wars and tribulations.
But smoke clears
those left will move on.

I do not want to
remember Paris like this.
It is so easy to do.
In the cold sadness.
I want to see the sprinbgtime
on the banks of the Seine
with lovers kissing
as the blossoms appear.

I want to see the artist
creating the beauty of the old city
and its lovely ladies.
I want to hear
Edith Piaf singing
La Vie En Rose
as only she can sing it.
With her heart full of passion
and love for the people of the city
pinned to her sleeve.

I want to be young again
and fall in love
with a beautiful french girl
her kisses sweet and tender
her heart carefree.

Tonight my tears flow like rainfall.
But it cannot last
not with Paris.
Not with its life blood
spilled on the streets.

I love her too much
and I will return
For tears are not the way
for us to say goodbye.

You love me?
no.
But you want me.
yes that's it
you want me.
because when i'm with you
i am small.
i can't help but be a different person.
someone who likes to be told what to do.
i get my fix of sorry feeling.
i get to be punished and pulled apart
until i'm nothing but your words and ideas
i deserve to feel like trash.
i deserve to be your pet.
you ground me.
second guessing every move is intoxicating.
being unsure makes rattles my chest
keeps me on my feet and somewhat scared
of you
and of what can happen
if i keep on listening
saying no feels wrong but still you coddle me
asking why and disappearing to let me know
i have things to work out.
i'm a mess
you foster this in me by speaking empathy.
youre a mess too.
lets be a mess together.

you know
people could call this abuse
but somehow for some godforsaken reason
i eat it up
for those few moments you make me feel good
you tell me who i am
i need that right now
i need you to tell me who i am
over analyze my every word
tell me my symptoms
lets bask in our insane abilities
where your knowledge gives you the upper foot

why do i want you
why do i want this
whywhywhy do i NEED it some days more then others
your validation is a terrible drug
i can't stand it
leave me alone but
don't leave me

I'm sorry
it won't happen again

You altered the odds,
Derived a stormbound probability.
Loved a lone wolf,
Oh goddess, you filled the void in me.
You dwelled in me,
You took another sip from my soul.
As I was left hypnotized by your palliating laughter that gently devoured me whole.
.
My demons never feared your Gods, but something about the curve of your lips changed that about them.
.
I am a deity.
I worship a goddess.
I wanted someone to love.
Wanted someone to call my own.
Someone to unleash this intense and unconditional devotion towards.
.
You left me indifferent to my sufferings.
Made me look beyond the same shortcomings that withered me over time and time again.
And for that I thank you.
.
I now seek you.
All of you.
I want each and every part of you to be relished and savored by me.
To let the only scent left behind be mine.
Let the only one you crave be me.
Only thing you desire, my presence.
I wish upon stars to hold you, and let my skin burn by your touch.
Let the words formed by your tongue fall short as I taste their origins.
Much as the creator leaves me.
Upon the tragedy of the test posed to us.
But don't let distance of our hearts be measured by the inches our lips seem to resist.
Instead by the mountains we are willing to overcome.
We are free, we are wild and we are rebellious.
Born for another time, born for another dimension, born for one another.

Has anyone else just heard a bell toll?
Am I the only one?
Have they been ringing long?
Is there meaning in their song?