What Does The phrase mean?
It Means It got the best of me.
I Felt too weak.
Feel Hopeless, I'm on my knees.
******* Is not around, And I couldn't get a hold of My Leaking Roof. Everything Els is not strong enough to cure my broken heart.
I Gave In Once To The voices.
I Promised, Just This one.
It Did The Job And I went Numb.
I escaped my Reality.
Felt No sadness or misery.
I Was On For 3 Days.
Those Days I Was Relived .
It Cured Everything.
From head To toe I felt nothing.
It did Exactly What
I expected To Do.
I worried about nothing.

I Introduced Myself To ****
Searched On The Internet
Most Dangerous Drug
I Was Curious
None Around Me Had Ever Mentioned or Talked About it
At 14
I Read Its Affects & Effects
The Consequences
Of **** Use Didn't Scare me
The Sensation of How it Makes You Feel is What bought me.
There i Go
That Same Day, That Night.
Hit Up My Dealer
Asked if He Had Any Connections
Turned out, He Sold That Too
iWanted To Try This
A One Time Thing, Just to see
Got it That Night
Crushed it Till i Thought Could Turn To Powder, Never Did.
Rolled Up A Dollar
Snorted A 3/4 Inch Line
Of Shiny Crystals
Then instantly my Nose Was on fire
Felt Like it Cut Up Inside my nose
Dissolving my sinuses
The pain lasted Around 40 Seconds
My Eyes Got Teary and Redish
Then A Few Minutes Later
A Nasty Taste Dripped in the Back Of My Throat
So Bitter and horrible
But
The Feel iT Gave Me Was
incredibly Wonderful
Did not expect this much Amazing sensation.
I loved it, Ice Seduced Me
The Drug Had Me Up loving Life For 24 Hrs
Once The high was gone
I Noticed i felt much better on it
So i Wanted it again
The Feeling Was As if You Won The Lottery, Had Every Materialistic
Thing you Ever wanted
As if All Your Dreams all Came True
Accomplishing
More Than 100 Thing's
Felt So Good about myself
Motivated, Highself Esteemed
I Liked How iT Functioned
iUsed
Then iT Quickly Turned
To Abuse
I Wanted To Feel That Loving Euphoria Affect Everyday
I loved it.
Id Started Buying more of it
Without Keeping Count of How Much id Spend.
Id Buy Bigger Quantities
The Amount iBegan With No Longer Hit Me, iNeeded More
I Had Then Built A Tolerance iHad No Recognition of.
I Noticed
My Allowence Money Was No Longer Enough To Get Me High
I Lost Control, **** Took A hold.
iBelieved iWas Doing it Out of me.
When in Reality
The Substance is whats Telling Me What To Do & how to Move
Developed The Addictive Mentality
Asking My Body For More
& More.
Scheming Of Ways To Provide Myself to get high.
It Was Destroying My Life
I Was To High To Even Realize The Negative Affects it was creating.
It Pushed People Away
I Was All About My Dope
Didnt Care if i lost Friends
Just Wanted To Smoke.
It Complicated & Made My Life miserable.
Crystal Had Me So Distracted i Had No iDea Or Intrest About What Was Going On Around me.
Family Arguments Appeared
iWould Get Rowdy Or Act ****** When id Be Coming Down
And Just Talk nonsense
Even if Nobody Was Doing Anything to me
Id Just Keep Disrespecting.
I Slowly Started To Disappear
And Was Becoming A Whole New Person.
With A Different View, Perspective
Unknown motives
Unpredictable Actions
I Lost My Self Completely
Mentally & Emotionally
I Smoked My Self Gone
People Then Started Becoming Concerned, Saying i had a problem.
I Then No Longer New
Who i Really Was.
Not Like it Mattered To Me Anyways
All i Cared About Was My Dope
And Getting High.
I Was Living in My Own Unrealistic World.
What Began To Look Real To Me.
Lack Of sleep
Made Me Start Tripping, Hearing Voices And Seeing ****.
I Would Go Weeks Without Sleep And food .
I Experienced So Many Bad Trips
Methamphetamine Had Me In A Bumpy Road, Lead Me To places i didnt know existed
And introduced me to tweakers who became my homie
iWasnt Concerned About My Looks Rather More into finding more
Dope Hooks
My Image Was Fading
I Became Very Thin, My Cheecks ****** in
Skin Tone Was Pale
Easily bruised
Collar bone out, My pupils Would Stand Out Especially With The Dark Bags under My Eyes.
i thought i looked good.
The Drug blocked the view of how i slowly began to look.
I Didnt Mind, Didn't Care .
I No longer Stoped to think About
My Actions or consequences
i Started to rebel more
I Didnt Fear Or Was Scared of nothing.
Eventually i Got To The point were i Would use and just feel nothing.
I Had No More Emotions
I Couldn't Smile or cry
I Felt No Remorse No Guilt
No Present Conscious
All Of This Behavior Led Me To Stealing And Doing Things that Went against My Own Will.
The Drugs
Messed With My Head
Gave Me insane Thoughts
Made Me Think Evil
Into A Complete Monster.
Its Really Krazie How these Tiny Shards Can Convernt
You into Something So Lifeless And Horrible.
I Went From Being A Curious Regular girl
To Just Wanting to Sit in My Room Isolated Everyday and just get high Hitting the Glass Pipe.
I dedicated all my time to this
I was sprung and in love
I depended on it for everything
I Went A Long Road
Went Through So Much
4 years of this
Story goes on..

This Is Not a Joke.
My addiction is no Comedy.
It’s A serious problem That’s affecting My life
& everyone around me.
It is Not the same Like in the beginning.
When Conversations Of “Getting Lit & Being On one” Were Looked As Funny.
Where I Talked Constantly About Loving this Drug And being induced.
**** Jokes Arnt hilarious Anymore.
As I Now Am The Joke.
I Can No longer Speak About crystal Like I used to.
“LOVELIT” Turned into “HELPME”
“DOPESPRUNG” turned into “ITSNOTFUN”
“BABYLOVE” Turned into “SAVEMESOMEONE”
I Got hooked Blindly.
Although I Speak Of Wanting To Be High Forever, I’m lieing.
It’s hard to explain
Just know, I Do want sobriety.

it hurts
The pain is too much.
These drugs aren’t enough
To numb them completely.
It’s tough , I need something
Real Fuckinn rough
To relieve me
From my broken heart
..

I’ve fallen to my knees
When I cry
I look up at the sky
Begging god
To please Help me see
Clearity and the path
To the life I deserve.
One Filled with happiness
Laughter, Comfort , Love .
Dk idk

The Klouds are in the morning.
As soon as I hear the birds chirping
Once the sun shines in.
Lines are For the night
Since I can’t flick the bics light
Lines last longer
klouds Hit stronger
Thank god for hot rails!
A combination of both ❤️❤️
The best of all is the needle
You feel all the **** blast through
Such a warm loving feeling.

I’m Not easily Saddened.
How Can A Person
Who Has Nothing Going For Them , Self Hates, Self hurts
Sees drugs as an easy escape
Who can’t comtro to say no
Which then becomes indangered
To become lost
To forget they Have to stop
Who’s Stays stuck in there Pain
In consuming more drugs
Though the high no longer helps you escape.
You now get High to continue your day ?

iLove Him
iReally Do, Lately ive Been Having Nothing To Do.
Remembering How i'd Spend Much Time With Him
Cuddle, Talk, Movies, Go Places
Now its Like
Ilay in Bed All Day Waiting For Him impatiently to come home
I Got So used To
Being With him 24/7
Now we're Almost apart All Day
Went From All Day
To 3 hrs
Alone All Day, is Driving me insane
Loneliness is the replacement
iLove Him
iTruly Do
But Lately, ive Been Having Nothing T o Do
The Emptyness Between the
Hours seems To Be Slowly Drifting me Away..
Its not that i want to
Ijust dont know

So Yeah
iFucked With Tweak Again.
How Have iBeen Getting On One? Night Time.
When Everyones Asleep,
***** Major.
My Mind Was Just Beginning
To Sort Out.
iJust Stopped The Process.
By Me Tweaking At Night ?
iM ******* With My Head Again
Still Paranoid Worsening iT.  
iDidnt Enjoy iT ,
But **** Have iBeen Getting High(: iMissed iTs Feeling, iTs So Pure And Dreamy <3
No Wonder iLove iT, Began Reminiscing Deep About iT ^_^ Remembering Why iT iS iSay DopeLove <3$:.

You let her slip away.
Dark roads only appear ahead.
You loved her enough
To see her let go & walk off.
Knowing the road she was currently on.

you raged when she used.
Never did you do anything to prevent another fall.
You Wanted her to see the
world different.
Never did you show her something other than
betrayal scenarios .

She expected only
Love honesty & respect.
From you.
You excepted
Changed slang , New personality
Different style
From her.

All she wanted was to be loved
You you wanted was to be loved and have all the freedom you want

iLet iT in
iLet iT Be
iFeed On To The Sadness And Dwell on my Past Sad ****.
Memories That Tournament Me.
Racing Thoughts At Night
About Things That Dont Let Me Sleep
Toss & Turn
Minor Migraines
Wish they'd
All just go
All The Negativity
To leave me so i can live
Peacefully

I'm Sorry Baby
Yes, Those who Truly Love would never lie.
But I Felt The Need To
iKnow The Truth To My Relapse
Will hurt you
and I'd probably
lose you.
So I decided it was best to
fool you
cause I want us to be forever,
I adore you!
Then Why Don't I just be honest?
Because I can't.
You'll Walk out the minute I tell you I had it again in my hands.
Youv Helped Me So much
&
Do the impossible to keep me out of reach
Take Most Of Your time to focus on me.
To see what I need.
You give me everything.
Addiction is a very hard thing
You Probably think I find it
So Easy to Say false things carelessly .
Underneath were the rightful things are seeked
I'm Really hurting and beating my self up with what I'm doing
The Drug Puts up a false front
Just to keep me consuming.
I Don't Want to lie
But I know the truth will make you Say goodbye.
Hope you understand
That it's not me who's dishonest
It's the drug that takes controll or Temptation that blind folds
To get me where it
Wants me.

I relieve all my Sadness at night.
That's when I can go all out.
Get high, Feel on one.
All my feelings vanish.
It's so great.
Throughout the Day I'm Usually Coming Down. It's wearing off
It was active throughout the night and Wore offf As the sun Came.,
My Bf hasn't seen me literally lit..
He never will. Il never let it happen.
My tolerance built fast.
The Day has came.
Where it's all gone
I can't buy more now.
Il Be back
I remebeeed  how good life was on drugs. Thank you lover for pushing my limits ❤️

Its not Strong enough.
I want to feel it all the way.
These thoughts are eating up my brain. My only love?
He's doing his own thang.
Cause he Doesn't care.
Says he does, but baby you ain't really There. Your actions show the opposite of what you claim.
It's Fine. You have always Been that way.
I Wish I wasn't using When I met you. The drug blocked all The negative That poured out of You.
"Idk how to love"
You learn. You search.
You don't have to live in a certain household To know how to be a good person. Your careless & selffish. You deny all your blames and Victimize the pain im feeling towards you. Makes no sense!
That's why.
I want Stronger. To forget all these ****** up Convos.
A Ligter, cotton , a Spoon & needle.
Yes,  I'm getting near.
I can't put up with feeling more sadness!! I'm suffering & you let me. Your letting me Continue wanting to use by You feeling dissapointed & ignoring me.
Pretty ****** up
I'm killing me slowly & all you want is to get over me.
Cause "I talk to much ****"
Well **** Popa stop giving me reasons and stop pointing the finger at me !!

"I thought it was a dream, I thought it wasn't real
But pain really hurts and it's really how I feel
Memories keep coming back, and so do all of the tears
I hear your voice, and as quick as the smile came, it quickly disappears
I don't know what is happening, because you always held my hand

You said you would never let go, that is what I don't understand
So many promises you made, and more of them broken
Lost and confused, feels like I'm choking
A lot of things I did not say
Now I can't find my way

I feel like a boomerang, you throw me but not only that
Every time you throw me, I always seem to come back
Back to you, back to pain
Nothing has changed, you're still the same

I cannot start over because I don't know where to start
I guess that is what happens when someone breaks your heart
If we are supposed to follow our dreams, why can't I follow you
Because now I am so lost, I wish you were lost without me too"

You hurt Me in the beginning
Continued Hurting
me in the middle.
After all, I Gave You A Chance. Although you deserved So little.
My Love was Given to You.
I Gave You my body & Mind.
I opened and gave you my time.
I closed and shut anything that will Get in between spending time.
What did I do to deserve this?
I Gave You everything I could !
Dropped everyone for You!
I centered You In
My life.
Baby you became my world.
After All The Disrespect and lies
I Invested all my happiness in Your life. Focused on How to treat you right. biggest mistake I've made. For You, The attention and so much love I Showedd You . I lost Focus on what was the main thing. I Abandoned the task that was most important & Should have been placed over everyone and everything.
I left my recovery behind .
All For A soul that wasn't mutual to mine.
Sobriety was most important.
I lost myself and never found me.
I never retouched connection with what was going to help me.
I was told not to get in a relationship on my 1st yr clean.
They warned it will damage and make Recovering much harder than what it was supposed to be.
Throughout this relationship I felt nothing but
sorrow & pain.
Tears and Frustration  
Dissapointment & heartaches
un explanations.
I Was destroyd even more.
I was tossed & played.
My Love has fade and I lost interest in faith.
It was a huge mistake.
My heart got broken
My Love lost its feel
I have no Wants
To be in love ever again.
Thank You "baby..."
For Contributing to my depression
To Teaming up and ******* my life Up like my addiction.
Team players, both got your wish.
I'm left Hopeless , I feel worthless
Yet I'm in need of your presence.
I fell inlove With A new love.
The feelings of being
let down, Broken, Crushed & ruined. Feeling unwanted
Leftout & Forgotten.
im Obssessed With Dwelling.
Replaying Scenarios Of my heart Being Stomped. I'm sprung on The Thoughts of being loved by no one because I'm not good enough.
How upsetting

Hey Love
Have you noticed I've been off?
different vibe, Different talk?
I've been Switching More frequently from A
Good to bad Song?    
It's The Drug.
It's Forming Its self back
to its old ways.
I Was to late and Should have seeked help before I consumed more. After every hit , every line
Ive been burrowing Myself.
Digging The real me far deep in my brain. This drugs insane and difficult to explain
. I don't want this. Believe I Don't like being an addict.
I'm just so far below .
I've fallen to my knees, my heart can't take no more.
So I decided Just 1 hit to relieve all The negative. Sadly enough I know I can't just do it once ..
I'm getting lost baby
I'm trying To save me but this is uncontrollable
especially if Your unhappy.
I can feel it getting worse.
Every time I feel mad I just think about the swirls. How 1 can Elimate The horrors.
I'm Scared. I can feel myself transform and I swear I can't control this

This Feeling iS So Amazing.
Youll LOVE IT
More Like Fall inlove and Become Sick Dope Sprung,
iKnow iDid.
Fell For iTs Blinded Tricks So Easily
iTll Greet You And Come To You Nice And Sweetly
A Rush
The Feel As iF You Just Accomplished More Than
100 Things At Once.
A Sunshine Glow
Euphoric Flow

You will lose her.
Drugs will take her.
It’s no game.
She’ll be manipulated
To loving dope again.

Be aware
Take procaution .
Every relapse
Is a step closer to losing
Her self again

Her prospective will turn  .
Her views and thoughts
Will twist.
All good she believed in.
The positivity she spoke On?
Will be forgotten.

She Will Lose herself.
Drugs will Take her.
Are you prepared to let go ?

It’s no game it’s no joke .

Treatment Centers
After Outpatient,  Rehabs, therapist
Etc
Im Tired Of All this *******.
Sometimes all I want is a dope hit.
But I know
All it will do is cause me temporary satisfaction
And endless Arguments.
New Year?
Same News.
I Need To Create A new story already
I can't believe im
Still here stuck in the same cycle as the past other years.
If theres a god, can he come visiting and hear
That im desperate for a miracle.

I Have Relapsed So Many Times
Lied About My Sobriety All the Time.
Been to Many Programs.
My Life Sober
Is Difficult.
My Parents Don't trust Me
I Can't Go out on my own
I Can't be left alone
I can't go to regular school
I can't have friends
I have no more friends
I can't hold money
My Boyfriend & Folks
Always Doubt me.
I get accused of using when i hadn't done nothing.
I Feel So Alone
I Feel Trapped, i Don't Have Fun
Im Hardly ever happy.
People are always on my case
Im Always being reminded not to use
I have to work for my things
I Have to Work For Happiness
I have to build  relationships
I Became negative
I Deal with mood swings
I Deal With Temptation
I Get Sad Alot.
My Life is so plain & boring
I Have To catch up on alot
I Miss Crystal ****
It Makes Me Happy & Love Myself
It Makes Me Me Feel loved
Never makes me sad
Is always there for me
My quick fix to my problems
I Don't Deal with Anything
Its What i need, To Live My Life.
It Avoids me From b.s
It keeps me company all the time never has me feeling lonely.
I love Living Intoxicated.
But i Know its all
Illusions and bad for me
But i don't care.
Sorry.

It’s going to be hard.
It’s going to take me lots of time.
You’ll move on fastest
That’s what’s going to be
The hardest.
To see your the cause
Your the developer
Of my broken heart.
Yet ,Your Out.
Living on , Feeling no pain
Having fun.
I don’t deserve this
Should have not happened to me.
I’m so Great
I’m not perfect but I gave much honesty & loyalty.
To be the one left hurting.
I need to move on.
Time to grow up
Time to stand up and change.
Move on and see
More to life than dwelling .
I’ll be ok.
He’ll be more than fine.
He’ll go back to the life he’s been dying to Live on.
Hoes, music, Friends

These stories of addiction
Repeated tales
Of hating then saying
I’d turn back without hesitation.
I’m tired of misleading,
The truth of how I feel .
Story telling to these people.
Who will Never see In deeper
.
Across my head
They’ll forever read tweaker
Who’s lying & will go get
High after promising to never take another hit .

I’m tired so disgusted
This drug is really Killing me
Eating up my insides & Confusing up my ******* mind.

I’m dying when I’m on this
Every heart beat is a risk
The Fast Pacing or the slowness
Any second I could collapse
I don’t have to be an addict
I don’t need to have consumed so much or often.

My body might 1 day
Not react to It’s toxic.
Out the blue , just 1 use
Can land me to the place where the skies are blue , Trees are breezing
Lovely green nicely cut grass lays beneath, decorated with stones
Where underneath lay
Loving souls
Who won’t ever return.

He's A Special Person In My Life
iValue him So Much, He brings me light
Without Him i Dont feel complete
Hes The other half of me.
Hopefully
Its Forever, together
Long lasting Happy memories
Robbie
i Love you baby
Your My Everything, Keep me smiling
giving me feelings ive never felt before.
You Are An Inspiration .
i Wish i would have met you long ago.
I Never want to let you go.
You Make Me Feel safe
You Make me Want to improve
Yes we have many more downs than ups
but soon it will be only laughs
its impressive seeing all we've been through
and how we have last.
when your not around me, i feel lonely and sad
i Love Your company and comfort
il give up anything just to be with you
by your side is were i always want to be
you make me feel
joyful and loved
every second with you is special to me.

This is why I want you
I need you right now
It's you who I cry for
Dopelove where are you?
I feel lonely and cold
I want your warmth & comfort
I love the way you listen to my words. You never judge, your so understanding. You try your best to keep me happy
Making me feel special & important
I don't need nobody
Just you
You give me everything noones could.
Honesty & loyalty
You listen and make me feel beautiful

He's My Prince Charming
But i Wasn't His Cinderella.
Maybe That's Why our Relationship is Complicated
Because i wasn't the one he first wanted.

You will never understand.
How deep You Cut me.
With Your Actions & False Promises.
I Gave Myself To You.
All my Time And Love.
I was faithful & honest.
I Tryed nothing but strive to treat you right. I gave up anything just to spend time by your side.
You will never understand
You Are My 1st love, You Are Forever Apart Of me.
You are permanently imprinted In my heart.
I will never spend that amount of time with anyone Els.
I will never give all my time To another like I Gave You.
I was always there when you needed me.
You just won’t ever understand no matter what I remind you of.
My feelings for you are strong.
I love You so much that your bad for me . All because of all the unforgettable pain you put me through. There is no cure.

Even Though IDont Want
the Drug.
it Still Roams
still Comes Along
makes Me Feind
without me Even Thinking About iT
iHate it
How This Cycle Just Makes iTs Way
it Makes Me Sad
believe me, iDo Try Hard
to Not think about it
let it come to my mind.
but it just makes its way to my brain.
im tired of this.

There is no point in trying
I'm falling deeper in depression
I cant help
I'm urging for it.
You Want To help?
Well baby it's too late
I've Been on for days.
Idk when il Be off.
I'm Scared il stay on forever
Il Pack my bags
I'm giving up
Getting high has never failed me
Never done me wrong
Im Still depressed
I'm not afraid of dyin
Ive given up
Dropped All The little hope I got
I threw it and I'm afraid I'm not coming back this time

If iTs Not 1 Thing, iTs Another.
From A Bad Habit
To Another.
Both Solutions To Escape.
To Cope.
To Feel Better.
Self Harm Or Substance Abuse.
A Razor Blade
Or A Needle
Both Aiming For A Vein.
Suicide Or Overdose.
Which i Prefer Both.
I Wish i Never Turned To These.
Around The Time
It Was All That Was There For Me.
Seeing My Self
Turn To This
Make Me Feel worse
Such A Sad Thing
To Be Placed In Those Positions
Believing Thats
What Only Works.
Im ****** Up Mentality
The **** i Do
Make My Own Self Call Me Crazy.
I Just Want To
Be Happy.
Not Fake It
When Behind The Mask
I Feel Like Dieing.
Nobody Will Ever Understand How Deep My Pain is.
I Hate This.

Drugs Are fun.
You feel Good & Different.
You have a blast on drugs.
You want to be on drugs.
You love The feeling of the effects.
Not when Your Addicted
Addicts don’t enjoy Being on drugs.
Addicts don’t enjoy the feeling .
Addicts don’t have fun.
When you are addicted, being on drugs is the worst feeling ever.
It is not enjoyable. Your miserable.
Especially when you are so deep in addiction that you don’t even realize your stuck on the habit.
You can’t help yourself out because you are not even aware the substance has taken over your life.
You Don’t get the same high as someone who just enjoys doing drugs and can stop whenever.

It wasn't easy to get Ahold of this
I begged For it.
"It's just this once, common"
I Got It quick. Then
My Dealer Blocked me off his list.
"I'm Sorry Baby, I can't fix"
-Your Too young, I can't have You back on this. Don't hmu I don't exisist.

I’m Addicted To
You Didn’t think it was that serious did you. Something minor like a *** head who’s just considered a stoner. Probably didn’t cross your mind how harsh the drug is and how deep in the puddle I’m in.
I’m bi polar
You didn’t think it was a big deal.
Couple mood swings, nothing to severe. Didn’t think it was a problem or ever cross your head how that was going to cause confusion and frustration .
Both combined?
Nothing to be worried Of.
You must have thought I just had problems like everyone Els in the world.
Rapid changes in my mood.
My attitude has you confused.
Now your re considering our friendship.
So much drama you weren’t awaiting.
You figured out im crazy.
Arguments within my head is affecting us daily.
I’m sorry baby..
I don’t function like the normal
Forgive me baby
I am better when I’m not delusional
Wait for me baby
When I accomplish Sobriety I’m truly amazing ...

Hello love.
It’s no shock.
I used Again & covered up
I’m not sorry, just worried
To fall back unnoticed
Every Relapse is a scare
Will I just use or stay there
I’m playing Russian roulette with my Sobriety
One of these days a single use will turn me insane
Turn me back into the Addict that shows no expressions & is lifeless

My heart
Is physically hurting.
I analayzed all the possibilities
All in which made me fear.
Yes, this is real.
That time is finally here.
The final night.
I no longer want to tear.
My heart feels so heavy
My chest feels so full.
I feel this heavy weight in me.
I want it all to go away.
Tonight marks another.
My brain is in panic mode
I know the outcome of them all
While you dance in the light
I cry in the shadows

It's been difficult for me to swallow
I feel in distress
I feel so pathetic
Yet I continue to address
But they continue to do what's best
Live for them self's .

It's the final night
I can't put up with no more lies
Live your life
I don't deserve this anymore
I can't explain anymore