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 Feb 2021 Folake
littlebrush
In the deep corners of 3am,
I find her.
 Aug 2020 Folake
sage
it's too late to call you, but i stare at your number anyway.
with a picture that no longer looks like you staring back at the dark,
clouded by a fuzzy head and wet eyes.
as i desperately try to tell myself that it's okay to be strangers sometimes.

but i'm lying.

i can't live as a stranger to you. i don't know who that leaves me to be.

i want you to look me in the eye and see me down to my soul so i don't have to embarrass myself by telling you,
because i always sound pathetic out loud.
i want you to know me so i don't have to know myself
i want you to love me so i never have to look my reflection in the eye and feel my insides turn at the sight.

every time that i tap into the sadness it threatens to pour out of me at once.
and i cannot touch the wave that crashes inside my chest for fear that i will splinter,
and everything will fall until it is broken.
and i have nowhere left to hide.
and you will see me.

as i am, anything other than as i am.
i feel like i have been waiting for something for my entire life.
i have been waiting for an okay that will never last
for something to break
something to give
to fix
feel
wait.


                 breathe.


i will be okay.

in some hour of tomorrow who feels so impossibly far from now.
and i will be okay until i am not.
again and again until the cycle comes to me like water
the hardest part of getting better is realising that 'better' is a lie, and working towards it anyway.
but there are times when i want to be alive so much it makes my lungs ache.
so i will carry on for the me who lives in those moments, fleeting as they may feel.


it will pass.
i wrote this in one go while crying. it is not good, but it is a lot.
 Jul 2017 Folake
lena k
empty
 Jul 2017 Folake
lena k
Empty.
I feel like spiders have crawled inside me
and made themselves a home.
I need someone to exterminate my bones
because I currently feel dangerously alone.
I sit in the car and stare out the window.
From a different perspective, I experience other's lives go by.
My mother looks over and asks what I'm thinking about.
Fake smile, "Nothing," I say, trying to ignore my urge to cry.

to die.

Empty.
An unexplained, unnamed emotion.
A misunderstood, ignored emotion.
Misunderstood and ignored.
Adjectives I could use to describe myself.
Never thought about...
I'm all by myself.
"I need someone," I told you.
That was my silent cry for help.
"That was rude, you know I'm here for you,"
you told me.
you misunderstood me.

Empty.
I need someone to need me.
I'm sorry it doesn't all rhyme. I didn't know how to rhyme what I was screaming.
 Jul 2017 Folake
eF
Grave.
 Jul 2017 Folake
eF
You dug your own grave.
Now you're upset because it's
Too deep to get out.
 Jul 2017 Folake
Amber
Girl
 Jul 2017 Folake
Amber
Flowered walls and pictures with scenes

of young girls
Only dressed to be seen.

A record player and a too large bed

A lonely girl who was lost in her head

She was waiting
Waiting
Waiting

For a savior

And not the Jesus that her father gave her..

Her religion became
Books
Music
Thoughts

Anything that could take her away
From those four walls.

From the nothing
That was
Every.
Single.
Day.

Like a shell

Wandering halls
And bus isles

Empty hallways
That were her home

A tiny
Small spirit
Who was all alone.

Nothing changed.
There was no one and nothing to find.

The thing that she looked for

Was only in her mind.
 Jul 2017 Folake
sunprincess
Leaves change colors
Drop to earth
Snow on a mountain
Soon rebirth
And Life goes on

— The End —