And I try so hard and I never exceed

your expectations that plague me

I cannot see,

In front of me

Your judgment clouds my vision.

And now I can't make decisions.

Anxiety sets the tone,

Of how I'm all alone.

I'm afraid of failure.

I just wish I was someone greater,

Than me.

I'm sure everybody would agree.

even when I accomplish,
things worthy of your praise,
your acceptance,
your love,
my battered heart,
gets beaten down,
my success gets thrown far afield,
because you can't be happy for me,
or accept me,
for the intelligent young women I have become,
to you I’m still the nieve child,
who didn’t learn from your mistakes,
like you wished I had,
Instead I took all your regrets ,
and ran to the ocean,
blue as my soul,
you watched in silent pain,
and a muddled mind,
as they fell from my hand,
because believe me mom,
your just playing pretend,
if you really think my life,
will be sin of flaws,
a perfect child,
for you to put pressure upon,
I try my hardest,
yet I’m just a faux pas,
i act to please you,
but nothing i do,
will ever bring joy to your face,
because in the end i was a giant mistake,
who took happieness from your life,
thats why you take it from mine,
and why in this family,
my insanity wavers on borderline,
between deranged and trying to survive,
yet , you laugh and you smile like everyone else,
but i see your mask,
do you see mine?

It took years
I knew every bump and crack
In rain , fog , night or day
I ran to be running away

Found my second wind
air rthmically
going out , going in
mile after mile
constant as the waters
of the Nile

Later
while I was sitting
in my den
A wondrous feeling came over me
A high that elevates . . .
one that no drug can reach