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 Feb 2019 Paul Warren
Lizzie
One Day
 Feb 2019 Paul Warren
Lizzie
I feel so lonely...... I don't know why anyone like's me....... I try to be nice and show to everyone that I'm a happy person but every time I make a new friend I end up more in pain than before.... During my entire life I had given more love  than received
I just..... I can't do this anymore................ Being alive hurts too much........................... I just wanna die........... I can't **** myself
yet cause as always I think about my sister...... My mother....and I kind of give up....cause I don't wanna leave them here alone
but one day........................ One day i will.....and like dust i'll disappear...... Maybe no one will read this.....and it's okay
at least here I can express what is in my mind...............................................one day I will set myself free
 Feb 2019 Paul Warren
Colm
The more aware you are of time
The more infuriating it's implicating becomes

Who would want immortality here?
In this halfway house
I do not know?

Yet he who keeps his calm doesn't know, but enjoys the most
Of this life....
 Feb 2019 Paul Warren
Colm
I am an outstretched arm with a fibrous grain.

I am a whooshing, waving, slashing glaive.

Waiting to cut the wind with a bending sway.

And with a gleam of blue the ball darts away.
What it feels like, what I am
Time slips backward over little slivers
Of love and broken lives,
Gathering them up, using the soft mess
Of once-blessed feeling mixed with
Grand passion,
Until it knits together the pieces of
Hate and love like a potion:
Unseemly, neither black nor white...
And we refuse to see it.

Time rolls forward as we ignore it,
Over hurt as well as joy,
For we have taught ourselves to lie,
To say that nothing matters in
The “grand scheme of things”...
And so our life passes us by.

Until, one day, we discover
We are alone even as we stand
Beside those we love.
And we know them not.
Where love resides,
There loathing and resentment
Peek from amidst the ruinous
Muddle, which we created,
Simply unaware.

We two may stare into each others’ eyes,
As if two strangers,
Wary of false hopes and lies.
Stale passion bonded to forgotten vows
Leave us helpless, caught in a patterned
Web of half-truths and hidden threat.

Soon we are reduced to stiff civility,
“Sly apologies and polite regrets”.
Love dies more slowly than the ability
To end the dance or forget.
We settle in, like corpses in a crypt,
To the slow departure of ourselves.

As the mind rises up above the scene,
We take it in, gawkers on a highway,
Aghast yet unable to refrain
From still more self-flagellation.
Another empty day drags by
And in our lonely, separate prisons…we stay.


Rediscovered on January 20, 2019
Thankfully, I'm in a much better place than this...at least for the present, which is all anyone can really say...
I can’t remember when it started again
But I no longer remember how to smile.

I’ve forgotten the taste of a good meal,
the joy of the morning breeze,
the feeling of waking up with purpose.

I walk, but I have no direction,
I sail, with no wind behind me,
I drive, but my tank is empty,
I run, but I wear bricks for shoes.

There is nothing to console me now,
no road I can walk,
no path I can take
               I am lost
               I am changed
               I am...     gone
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