Its so crazy to realize
that my whole life
I was deluded
by others perceptions of me
and I still never changed or shifted
from my internal compass.

That I was brought up to believe
that I as a women
is less than

that I am a women is a" slave "
to the patriarchy
to how men perceive me.

As I deconstruct my old religious ideologies,
I see how the truth was lying right there "hidden" in plain sight,

how they have tried to erase the Divine Feminine
but still we rise like a phoenix out of the ashes.

I knew that religion and I were never a good fit
seems my questions were right after all,
seems my inner knowing was right after all
always
is and will be,
see they try to keep us small ,
so that we don't recognize & realize our power
in who we are as women
equal to men,
and different in our ways
for the dark feminine
is different than the  masculine.

I remember when my brother would laugh at me
and mock me
and say that I am fat
& that I am "masculine"

when really I am just powerful
curvy and strong
and a man like him,
who is so deeply wounded
can't see how me as a human being
is just as important as he is
So I will use my voice
to call out
to be the voice for women
to be the voice of my child
that  was mutilated in pain
from the men in my life
who could care less
about my screaming.

(a sonnet in iambic pentameter)

I was drawn to you, from the first instant
something about you aroused my senses
a message unspoken, and insistent
that could somehow bypass my defenses.

I couldn’t show it, you couldn’t know it,
so I sat quietly and ignored you.
When chasing dreams, love is unbefitting
this I’d been told, and so, it must be true.

When I met you again, you were funny,
not what I assumed, you were something new.

Hashtag, as a boyfriend, he’s been money,
such was the start of our kissing booth truth.

Fate is a neon-lit pinball machine
And I am a little steel ball
Dodging the "tilt" sign as best I can
                                           ljm