i fell asleep on the train and wandered off.
i came upon a sacred geometry, and dangled
from the corner of a sphere.
at the end of a rope
of light.

not yet a beam. more like a lock of hair
woven by genius and sublime elan.
i found myself naked on the plains of naked glory.
a speck on everlasting mysteries....
i plucked the bones of thin air
and the music was
mine.

do not stand there with a bloodied blade in palm and deny your tectonic collisions-
perpetually convergent.

the cracks in our palms not products of birth,
but of rebirth,
of whirlpool concussion,
of night-time demon chants-
our stomachs both steel and starch.

i sense no longings for statues in your ambivalent pupils-
only condolences for the outcasted gargoyles.

you've taught me this value of illumunation in the moonlight of nights where the yellow center-lines were pale-hued and tear-stained.

in these fearful beds of cotton and thorn,
you are the blood and gauze,
the bent mirror and the authentic starlight,
the unknown cave and the trusted headlamp.

your feet are muddy as hell and you're giving your favorite meals to our darkest parts.

But words are more than sounds
And voices are more than vibrations
And every word you speak is more than a rhythm or a rhyme
But a symphony of sound,
An epiphany of vocalization,
A grand orchestra in a great hall.

Your words fall like velvet petals on my ears and entrance my bones into
Dancing the waltzes in which you lead me.
The structure of our movement is like the most graceful and complex string solo,
An explosion of wonderful cries to woo the hearts of every audience member,
And they see the intricacy of all the joints and muscles we use to enchant them.

Awed by the movement like fire, a swirling pattern moves around
Us and into the air like twirling, tapering smoke streams
Of many colors and songs.

i never felt alone when i was with you
i always felt at home

i isolated myself from everyone else
i paid no one mind but you

and now that you have left me
i realize how alone i am

i am so alone
with so little trust

and i have no one to blame
but myself

i will learn to heal
and learn to let people in

but it is so hard
when all i have known is you.

I wish

I wished for you when I was 5
And you came to me
You were still alive

I wished for you when I was 7
I missed you deep
But you'd gone to heaven

I wished for you when i turned 18
I had lost control
Didn't know where I'd been

I wished for you when I turned 25
When I'd jumped to end things
But remained alive

I wished for you when I was 28
And I was in love
I thought it was fate

I wished for you when my heart fell out
Smashed on the floor
I couldn't search you out

I wished for you in my 30th year
So lost and alone
Feeling nothing but fear

I wished for you but I'd lost control
Too many drugs
My life a lost soul

I wish for you now but I know you won't come
My life is my fault
What is done is done

i've been flirting with death for too long
and my heart aches for him to take my hand
for his marks already linger at my wrist
so the least he could do is hold them

s.s

loneliness sits like an island of cold feet;
loneliness stirs like a maelstrom
of hot knives;
when I am touched
either gently,
or forcefully,
all of my ‘heart’
flees the blanket of intimacy.

It is much easier
being alone.
It gets much harder
most every day;

but today
a stranger
with a face like an alabaster rose
walked past me, smiling coyly,

and I wept,

unraveled

to be ravaged,
to be loved.