when i close my eyes
i see the red spilling over my legs
my
hands
the
floor
i see the pieces of me
that died here
i see the whiteness of it
the bathroom ceiling, maybe
the absence of consciousness
maybe the light before
you...

almost died?
you wouldn't have died
you weren't gonna die -

does it matter? does that really matter
when the blood pooled in my boots
and pooled in my boots and pooled
and pooled and pooled
everywhere?
everywhere.

There’s an innate understanding in sadness.
To look at the moon and to notice the shadows
Is not to ignore the haunting glow of its shine.
To look at what hides behind the sunshine,
beneath its smile,
Is not to crave the silence in the night.
To keep dancing in meadows of light
But to start crying in the rain.
Each drop, both from skies and tears,
Washes away the built up layer
on cheek and earth.
That is beauty in sadness;
deaths kiss,
sweet and heavy.

Is this just rainfall?

Or is the sky weeping for us?

spinning through eliot circle
the wind gyrates above
flinging pink petals to my lips

I live,
Therefore I love.

I love,
Therefore I hurt.

I hurt,
Therefore I can die.

I will die,
Therefore I must live.

Flowers bloom,
Glisten and grow
And then wilt in the end;
Yet the one that brought them to me
Is here until
The last sun sets

I think about it

all day, so actually --


I'm practising hard!

Reluctance wants to

be alone, unobserved not --


doing what you want.

Your tears under a fake smile,
Like a downpour,
Let them fall,
It's one way to heal.
28/7/2024

it feels degrading to keep reaching out
to only get silence in return
how am i supposed to convince you that my love is authentic
that my love runs deep enough to work through anything?
you know where i stand but you won't hear me out
the ball in your court
you seemed to take a knife to