It must be beautiful to not be jealous
To just feel happiness
And joy for others
Not that small pain
In your stomach
The little shocks
In your brain
The ache
In your heart

If I could sit you down and make you understand my mind I would
I want to love you
I want to be loved by you
It's not that easy
Relationships are a love triangle
You, me, and my brain
My intrusive thoughts don't know when to shut up
A protective friend
A possessive ex
Always there
Hard to ignore
Eventually you'll grow tired of them popping up
But they can't be blocked
Can't put a restraining order on my mind

You can be full of life
Bursting with it
Growing hope inside you
Nauseous with happiness
Heart beating with uncertainty

It takes 5 minutes to strip it away
One choice
One decision
To throw you into a lifetime of
Pain and over thinking

I'm stuck in my head
Can't get out of bed
You leave me on read
You don't care what I said

I can't feel love
Not even heaven above
Your hearts I will shove
I'm someone to dispose of

It's all good and well
My hopes have all fell
My soul I will sell
I'm going to hell

Surrounded by people I love
Never quite sure if they love me
Not sure I'd believe that they did

Surrounded by people who care
Never quite sure if it's true
Not sure I can confide in them

Surrounded by my own thoughts
Never quite sure why they're so mean
Not sure I can disagree with them

Surrounded by pain and trauma
Never quite sure who to tell
Not sure they would stay after