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  Mar 2018 Chandni
CAM
God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.
I'm not perfect. But I'm not shy anymore either.
  Mar 2018 Chandni
Lyda M Sourne
It's 3am

I'm on the phone
No one's awake and I'm alone

It's 3am

The radio's on
Songs are played on lonely station

It's 3am

I'm in my bed
My eyes are open and sleep has fled

It's 3am

I'm on the balcony
The sky is dark and just quite scary

It's 3am

Some windows have lights
Could they also not sleep tonight

It's 3am

I'm still awake
When will life ever give me a break
Insomniac nights are the worst. And it's been going on like this for quite awhile.
Chandni Feb 2018
It's just a thought,
It's just a dream,
only inside my mind,
but why do I want to scream?
I honestly don't know where I was going with this, but whatever here it is? umm yeah, that's all.
Chandni Feb 2018
Stuck in this prison,
confined by its walls,
I can't shake this feeling,
that I'm stuck in these halls.

I'm trapped in my mind,
I can see the light,
but somethings holding me back,
keeping me in the darkness of the night.

My friends will support,
but they don't really see,
how broken I truly am,
how I wish I couldn't breathe.

I feel stuck in place,
not able to move,
as if one little step,
would be disapproved.

Walking on society's thin wire,
as fragile as glass,
one wrong step means
you'll be at the bottom of the class.

With the weight of people's emotions,
all on my shoulder's,
you'd think I could handle it,
that I'd be strong like a soldier.

But instead, I feel weak,
I couldn't adapt.
and now I am stuck here.
Now I am trapped
Chandni Feb 2018
"The best four years of your life"
more like four whole years of stress and strife.

It's like an inescapable cage
filled with people who can't act their own age.

Hearing all the kids trying to sound cool,
When in all honesty you just want to see their blood pool.

Fake love, fake people, unsure of who to trust,
but apparently, in school, popularity is a must.

Going through seven classes a day,
wishing you could just make the pain go away.

I want to give up, just get up and fly,
but perhaps a better solution would be to just die.
  Feb 2018 Chandni
Fireflies
I miss the younger me, she who was comfortable wearing whatever she liked.
I miss the younger me who believed in prince charming and a heartfelt love.
I miss the younger me who craved to grow up and make my own choices.
I miss younger me who was allowed to cry when she fell down.
I miss the younger me who found everything interesting.
I miss the younger me who had hope for a better and brighter future.
I miss the younger me.
  Dec 2017 Chandni
Keshia Hayley Africa
Sometimes you open yourself up to a person because you feel and believe that they're different and maybe this time they won't break your heart and that your love will be requitted. So you go out on a limb and open up so much of yourself to this person. Things that you're afraid to tell others about because of fear of being judged or rejected. But there's just something about this person that allows you to tell them everything. You become so comfortable in the presence of that person that you openly admit your flaws, you don't hide it. You just completely lose yourself in love and in the thought and concept of being loved, of being in a relationship and of being with someone that you can be yourself with. The idea of that person just completely excites you and everything about them makes you happy. Seeing them and hearing their voice just helps you in an inexplicable manner and being with them is an emotion of complete comfortability on its  own. You learn to love this person and you accept their flaws and differences. You accept how they might not necessarily love eating McDonalds as much as you do or they are crazy about sci-fi movies where you can't even get yourself past watching a chick flick.
But that's just it, you don't mind.
You don't mind because love is about sacrifices.
Its about sacrificing your weekly episode of The Vampire Diaries to watch the most recent sports updates.

Because you'd rather lose the argument than to lose the person. You'd sacrifice a part of your daily routine all for love. The worst part is that nothing is guaranteed. You're not guaranteed how long you will be in a relationship with this person. You're not guaranteed complete happiness and you're not guaranteed that things are going to be perfect. You just have to trust this person and have faith. Believe the best and hope that everything will work out for the. Best. Believe that even if you break up with this person, that you're going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok, and that new beginnings are perfectly acceptable. Believe that you're going to overcome heartbreak of any kind. You just have to believe that someone out there is looking for someone like you.
What others see Wrong in you just might be the exact thing that will make someone else fall in love with you. And you need to be realistic. Not all relationships last forever. Some relationships are there for lessons and experiences. So that very person that you completely open yourself up to, can break your heart. It could be during or even after the relationship.

But its all part of life I guess. You'll never know how to love someone wholeheartedly if you haven't been hurt before. You just have to turn your heartbreak in to something positive, make the most out of your situation. See the light in the darkness. But learn to deal with things too. Find closure in what happened to you and don't leave a relationship with unfinished business. Because unfinished business will have to be finished sooner or later, and I think sooner is better. Allow yourself time to heal too. Opening yourself up to someone that much can hurt you a lot, and everything you had with that person will be completely lost in an instant. And you're gonna need to come to terms with that. Remember that what's meant to be , will be.

Love, is a complicated thing, and you're never quite sure how things could possibly turn out to be. You're just gonna go out on a limb each time hoping for the best and patiently waiting for your happily ever after with a special person.
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