Chandni

Chandni Dec 2017

Dear Hair,
I'm sorry for turning you grey and white with my stress.

Dear Brain,
I'm sorry for all the depressing thoughts and worries.

Dear Eyes,
I'm sorry for drowning you in the tears from my breakdowns.

Dear Mouth,
I'm sorry for all the kind lies and obscene truths I made you say.

Dear Neck,
I'm sorry for the red marks caused by the ropes I've tied around you.

Dear Shoulders,
I'm sorry for making you carry the weight of the world.

Dear Arms,
I'm sorry for the short, painful, cuts, causing the blood to pour out.

Dear Hands,
I'm sorry for making you drag razors, scissors, and blades across my body.

Dear Heart,
I'm sorry for breaking you up into microscopic shards.

Dear Stomach,
I'm sorry for all the butterflies from the thoughts of him.

Dear Feet,
I'm sorry for all the problems I made you run away from.

Dear Dreams,
I'm sorry I had to crush you for the sake of making others happy.

Dear Feelings,
I'm sorry for trying to erase you from my life.

Dear Friends,
I'm sorry that I've been doing such a bad job at keeping my mask on.

Dear Family,
I'm sorry for being a disappointment.

Dear World,
I'm sorry that I had to pain you with my existence.

And lastly,

Dear M,
I'm sorry that you have to go through so much without me by your side.

If M is reading this (They know who they are) I'm so sorry that I never tell you what's going on in my life, or that I push you to tell me what's wrong. I just want to help, but I can't help feeling like I'm making things worse. I love you to the moon and back, forever and always. Please, never forget that.

#sorry #for #the #truth

Chandni Dec 2017

The Hate in Me

There is hate in me,
behind my happy, innocent, calmness,
beneath the surface of my optimism
lies a demon of anger, depression, and fear.

But I can't let the hate go onto others,
they don't deserve to feel the pain of the cruel words I think,
the sadness that tides me make me cry oceans before I sleep,
So it gets released onto me.

Each scar on my wrist represents a fight,
a battle with this internal monster.
Each line means another win, for I have not given up,
not yet.

I will keep fighting.
Fighting so that my friends never need to feel this pain,
so that they never need to worry,
so that I can keep smiling for them.

I will always fight,
and I won't lose to the hate in me.

I know this definitely isn't my best. It was more of a venting session than actual poetry. Sorry.

#demon #fight #hate #evil #anger #depression

Nov 2017

Fireflies

Sin

Everyone fails, right? Wrong.
No one is allowed to fail, not in my house
Failure is a sin, not a stepping stone.
Failure is a curse, a profanity
Failure kills
and maybe that's why I want to fail so badly

#failure #sin #profanity #curse

Chandni Nov 2017

Last flight

The last flight,
your last fight.
right before you jump
right before you leap,
off that cliff,
into the darkness and insanity.

The last battle,
your last attempt.
To fight the demons inside your mind.
to fight the terrible monsters that ravage your beautiful mind,

The demon is you.
You attack your skin with blades of steel,
You destroy your mind
with evil words that break you apart.

If only you could see the beauty,
in your wings, in your strength,
for fighting, for flying this long.
fight your last battle,
Soar above the darkness,
you are unstoppable.

Take your last flight beautiful demon.

do you ever just feel so sick of life that you just want to jump off a cliff, and you feel so capable of it, but then you just feel that sudden bit of fear and you stop yourself

This is a work in progress, I know it doesn't have rhythm or rhyme, please comment any suggestions!

#demon #jump #wings

Nov 2017

Cobalt

Girls,

Why should you limit yourself to being just pretty?
Don't be just pretty.

Be a storm, beautiful, dark, intelligence flashing across your eyes like lightning and a voice as loud as thunder. Be a storm and never be silent.

Be a forest, rooted, wise, strong and unmovable in the force of opposition and yet a dancer in the wind. Be a forest, and loyal to your land.

Be the ocean, glittering, mysterious, captivating thousands of hearts and countless lives in your allure. Be the ocean, and be ruthless.

Be nature. I guarantee nothing will get you farther.

#nature #power #love #yourself #aspirations #inspirations

Chandni Nov 2017

Blades

Blades are all different
they range in
shape,
size,
colour,

You choose what blade you use,
whether it be your sharp tongue,
or the ones you drag across your wrist,
they all inflict pain,
whether it be on yourself or others,
the truth is no matter how you use them,
what they look like,
or who they are used on,
they are all the same.

They all cause pain

#pain #blades