and i'll love you all
again and again
a never ending cycle
of finding you
loving you
losing you
and finding you again
you're different every time
but this love
it's always the same

I feel like I'm going to love you forever
like I thought I'd love her forever
like i thought I'd never love again
it gets worse when I listen to love songs
or read romance stories
and that makes me believe none of it is real
that I'm just yearning for something with anyone
real or not
but then you do something
you put on a funny voice
you make a joke
a silly sound
you put that :p face on your texts that you'd never make in real life
you say my name
ask to play a game
tell me you were thinking of having me over
thinking of a gift for me
and you spoke so softly to me that one time
gentle, reassuring, patient
while i was anxious out of my mind because i can't even cook in front of other people
but I got through it because of you
because you wanted to be my friend
because you are my friend
and I don't know what kind of love this is
platonic, romantic, delusional
but I know I love you
and I think I always will

Do I break it?  
Do I make it worse?
To match the outside to the inside so everyone can see
Can understand
I’ve been screaming into a void
Praying to reach the other side
Well, my throat is getting hoarse now
I think it’s starting to bleed
So let’s put the blood where you’ll see it
Let it pour down my arms and pool around my feet
And then maybe
Maybe
I’ll feel like you actually see

It's posed a question
In consideration of your feelings
"Would you like to?"
But really it's a plea
A desire
An outstretched hand
Reaching out during an icy storm

I don't always need to ask for your attention
but I fear waiting for it is not enough
So I open my heart
and bear the icy storm
blindly pushing through the snow
in hopes I happen to walk into your open arms

I want to be angry all the time
It would be a terrible way to live
Dousing myself in lighter fluid
and lighting a match called justice
I crave the satisfaction it will not bring
like picking off a scab

I cried in your absence time after time
But when the beginning of the end came there was nothing but fire
Raging through a forest of felled trees
Scorching what little was left
Perhaps what is needed is one final rainfall
If only you hadnt poisoned the water

You're holding a whip.

You don't see it or feel it,
You're barely aware of it's power,
But I know it's there.

I've felt it before,
Slashing against my back,
Carving deep red wounds.

They sting to the touch,
But I'm never able to twist far enough
around in the mirror to see them.

You're not the type to use it,
But I'll put up my fists anyway,
And throw warning punches at your kindness.

Please understand,
I'm scared of the whip,
My scars itch in its presence.

Please understand,
You are holding a whip.

I own a box with mysterious contents,
People who have never seen inside it
Like to tell me what's in there
"It's pink, so it must have pink stuff inside."
But I've seen what's inside
It's brilliant, multi-coloured,
Shifting in hues
Sparkling and flowing,
It sounds like a melody of hope
A story of bravery,
It feels warm like summer
And cosy like a rainy day,
It smells sweet like candy
And salty like tears.
I don't mind sharing the contents
If you care enough to look with me.

There are billions of stars in the sky
I named one
I loved it
I would lay beneath the night sky
and talk to my star
It's silence comforting as it listened to my woes.
I wanted to take it away
Store it in a jar
Up on a shelf
Among all the other knickknacks I've had since birth
Then it never would have disappeared.
Funny how the little space it once took up
could leave such a gaping hole
Threatening to swallow me up
as I continued to lay beneath the night sky
Full of billions, and billions of stars.
One night I'll lay down
And the space where my star was will no longer be empty
But full of happiness my star had given me
And I will be grateful I ever got to love my star
Before I look upon
The billions and billions of other stars
All different, all new, all unique
And I'll ask one
If it would like to keep me company for a while.

There's an east facing room,
in a west facing house.
Its curtains don’t open
till the middle of the day.
By then the sun has gone,
taken its rays high above
where they can’t reach the east facing room
and only get further and further away
with each hour of the day.

But at sunset,
when the west faces of buildings
soak up their long awaited sunlight,
the sinking sun is reflected
off a neighboring window,
shining a brilliant orange spotlight
into the east facing room
in the west facing house.