droplets
  chasing
one
  another
through
  the
endless
  gray
before
  a
brief
  exchange
with
  grass.

watching
  the
minutes
  until
I
  lose
them
  in
the
  tide
and
  they
re-emerge
  as
hours

The skeletal trees
stand firm, black against the streaks
Of the rising sun.

My heart feels like
a classic holiday tale,

Growing to 4x the size,
warmer than it's ever been

I have more favorite sounds,
your laugh now included,

Your smile a new favorite view;
I marvel at the collection

These experiences I never knew
could be possible for me

This sudden, boundless emotion,
a genuine look into infinity.

Music
Energizing, powerful
Rising, falling, inspiring
Speeding up my heartbeat
Song

Surrealism
fogs my brain
Music video songs
(Linkin Park, "Shadow of the Day")
in math class makes me feel
surreal
I can just barely hear the teacher's drone
over the familiar notes and lyrics and sounds
I let my pencil move over the paper
and sketch what lies before me:
Calculator, paper, paper, pencil.
The song changes
(Linkin Park, "What I've Done")
I finish my sketch
turn my volume up
just a notch
and disappear into the song.

All the poems I have written
for those who sat in my heart,
they linger here now
as painful memories.

You are here
to give them new life,
and they have never felt
more true.

I once looked into your eyes, and felt time stop.
I once looked into your eyes, and saw nothing but black.

I’ve seen you soft, glowing and free;
I’ve also seen things you never wished for me

You turn as though caught in the phases of the moon;
full of light, half dark – a black hole in the sky

And somehow, every time I looked up,
you just never failed to catch my eye

And whether love is long lost,
and our futures set in stone,

I keep your memory tucked tightly away,
so that neither of us can truly be alone.

New note

Blank page

No pencil,

no pen

Just a smart piece of plastic

With a yellow background

and a keypad.



New note

Blank page

Half-awake and

bleary eyes

Half-blinded by no light

As the early morning

starts to rise.



New note

Blank page

Not sure what to write

A dozen thoughts

Spinning and twirling

And dancing and singing,

searching for release.

You're a melody in my head,
thinking of your voice,
remembering your heartbeat.

The tune will be on loop,
making this smile
a permanent fixture.

it's nice
to have a warm body
next to mine
silent company,
wordless comfort
it's nice,
knowing that
i'm not alone.

I feel it creeping in
just under my skin;
It comes when
my thoughts are fuzzy
and the sky is dark.
It pulls tears from my eyes
and pours embers into my brain,
it whispers in my ear
and leaves a frozen knife
in my heart.
And it’s not until
I finally close my eyes
that I am safe.

What is this you are doing to me?
I swear this is pure insanity;
My heart feels like a fluttering bird,
Catch it in your hands
And soothe it with just a single word.

Oh! Such a thrill
Meeting your kiss
jump-starts my heart
Sends a jolt through my veins
and the joy, the joy, the thrill!
My heartbeat is faster
than the sound it makes.
I feel so complete, so whole
Knowing that
no more am I alone
You can feel my pulse
as you hold my hand
You can feel it throbbing fast,
faster each time
I look you in the eyes.
I'm so high
up on cloud nine,
and I have no wish
to come down.
With my pulse still speeding,
I am sleepless tonight
With the memories
Racing
With the thoughts
Dancing
With you in my head
there is no sleep
So here I lie,
still wide awake;
I remember
your kiss.

I think my heart will burst,
as it is so full of love for you.
I think I may float past the clouds,
as I feel so light and free with you.
I think my soul has never been safer
as it is now here with you.
I think that I have never truly loved
as much as I do you.

the nip of silver
reminds me that i am weak.
the bite of metal
reminds me that i am weak.
  the ****** of sharp edges
reminds me that i am weak.
   the pain of the cut
reminds me that there is something to feel.

Suddenly
there is too much
noise
And I cannot
think
Every word is a
dagger
Loudly piercing my
ears
It
hurts
and
I
want
to
SCREAM
at the words
and
shatter them
in midair
and
let the pieces rain
down
They'll glitter in the dim
light
and become something
beautiful

Free from the darkness, I am willing to trust, to take a
Risk and fall into your
Arms as they wrap around me and keep me warm. Pain is no longer
Necessary to survive, because your love is much sweeter than the bite of the blade
Cutting into my flesh. No,
I don’t need the pain anymore, because you
Saved me from the hungry demons in my head.

No, no,
I'm falling again
No, no,
It's dark again
No, no,
It's worse now than ever before
No, no,
It's so hard to breathe.

I am being asked to love again,
and my love is being questioned —
It makes me want to rip
my heart out,
smash it against the earth
And declare it dead.

I don't care how pretty it is,
sparkling in the sun,
I hate the snow,
I hate it, I hate it!
It keeps me away from my love.

I think my emotions are broken
Nothing I feel seems to be correct anymore
I don't love when I should, I don't cry when I should
Am I dying? Dead? How could I know, there's nothing to indicate
because my heart beats fast at the wrong **** time
The happy pops through when everyone else needs to cry
I'm not sure why I'm so calm as you cry
Am I broken? I'm not whole
It's time to find my soul.

When the star grows old,
does it always explode?
Does it swell and grow,
then
just
BURST?

Or will it simply shrink
and slowly
die?

I breathe you in,
Just breathe you in
Trying to freeze the moment
Because I never want to let go
It’s so hard to let go
So hard to walk away,
even if it’s just for a day
I need you,
Like oxygen for my heartbeat
I’m addicted to you,
And desperation is racing through my blood
I cannot let you go,
Not now for a few minutes,
Or in summer for a few years,
And certainly not ever forever
And it’s tearing me apart,
We were doomed from the start
Inseperable, but the chasm still grows
And we’re not allowed to cross it just yet
But I know,
I promise you and I know,
No distance will sever our hearts,
No torment will yank us apart,
Nothing will ever truly seperate us,
For we are the two halves of one single soul
And we need each other to survive
And now, right now,
Hold my hand oh-so-tightly
Hold me while you can
Because when the trees turn green
And the sun stains my skin,
There’s no way of knowing
When we’ll see each other again.

Nipping at my heels,
the darkness follows me
Threatening to tear me to pieces
I toss my emotions to the wolves
and let myself go numb
I am machine, not human,
unnatural thing
And nothing can spike feeling back into my chest
Tonight, let me lie
unaware
Let me lie in the numbness
Let me lie without pain
Because my yearning for blood will bring me no gain
I cannot free myself
with rivulets of red
I cannot wake myself
with memories of love-woven hours
I cannot be myself
Because tonight I am empty.

Swell of sound
In my chest
Wash away my fear
Forget life’s test

A voice, clear and smooth
Defining my mind
A cry to be heard
Determined to leave the pain behind

A great collection of sound
To make the emotion perfectly clear
Whether it makes you move your feet
Or provokes you to shed a tear

A song, so sweet,
Is all I need to guide my day
Another song, maybe one more
To help me find my way

Oh, MythBusters!
I will be sad to see you go;
Your explosive awesomeness
and gut-busting science
has kept me laughing since my twelfth year

Fourteen seasons
of exploding pigs
and Adam screaming "Ouch!"
and theorizing
"Is Jamie a robot?"

Oh, MythBusters!
You will always remain in my heart
as one of my favorite shows
and I hope and pray
that the re-runs keep rolling
'till the end of my days.

it's my birthday today
but i don't feel
older.
i don't feel
a year away
from being an official adult.
i don't feel like
anything has changed,
i just feel like
another normal day.
the world still sits
just beyond my grasp;
my heart still shivers,
still trembles in fear.
my mind still fails
to absorb maturity
i still feel sixteen.

Hello, old friend,

I really hoped

I wouldn't see you again,

But you're here now, so

I suppose you may as well sit

Coffee? Tea? You got me addicted to both, see

This one has cocoa, to keep me in a good mood

Because I won't go to a doctor, you see

You make other people pop pills like candy

But I don't want to do that so I drink this tea instead.

Ha.

I'm learning how to fight you, see?

Or at least I think I do,

until you come knocking again,

and surprise me with a new present.

I used to love presents,

but yours just make my head hurt.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you to leave;

I'm making dinner tonight, you see,

and I don't want that knife to be a danger.

You know where the door is,

goodbye,

Please, don't come back soon.

What are you doing
back in front of me
With shards of glass in your chest -
You wait for me to pull them out,
And tell you that you’ll be okay,
But I don’t know that I can still help you
If all you’ll do is push me away.

I miss kisses.
I miss the gentle meld of our body heat,
Soft sighs in the dark.
I miss late whispers
and hugs that make me forget.
I miss the laughs,
And casual word trade.
I miss your presence,
never an empty space.
I miss kissing you,
and forgetting everything else.

It’s yellow outside
like the sun just died,
and faded to mist.
It’s eerie and and ominous,
a small warning, perhaps,
to stay indoors tonight?
I think I can smell lightning
in the air, silently hiding,
and ready to crash down on us all.

the smile is crumbling
it's crumbling again
and the monster's screams
are increasing
rising in volume
and once again, i am afraid
and once again, i want to bleed
and once again, death whispers my name

I'm so cold
without your voice to warm my heart.

One night.
One night
Of magic, love, laughter.
One night
To drop your weights
And just dance, baby, dance.
One night
To see everyone you’ve known for years
As princesses and princes in their finest satins.
Jewels glisten and the smell of small flowers
Wafts through the air, mingling with the sweat of the dance floor.
Petals flutter from corsages, but no one seems to care,
They just dance, forget every fear
One night,
I had the best night of my life
I laughed and I danced
I kissed my love, and he kissed me
Under the light of a half-grown moon
Stars peeked through the fleeing storm clouds and smiled
And my love and I, we didn’t care who was watching
As we slow danced to a high-speed song;
We were singing our own song,
Just outside the party
And I felt the love
(with just a hint of lust)
Flowing between us,
And in that moment, in his arms,
I was home.

even though i know it's late
and he's probably just asleep
i cannot help but be afraid
as his side of the chat stays blank.

A year ago, we lost a voice,
the voice of broken souls.
We lost a man
who gave his heart
again and again and again.
We lost a soul
who was fighting too many demons,
who refused to let darkness destroy him,

we lost a man who lost a war.

On July 20, we remember Chester Bennington,
whose voice has resonated with millions.
We hear the music and we cry,
we watch his antics and laugh with tears in our eyes.
We remember his kind heart and determination,
and carry that spirit in us with every warm gesture we make.

Rock in Peace, Chester. We miss you.

He’s jump-started my heart,
he’s given me new life
Grabbed my hand
and pulled me out
of the six-foot hole I was digging.
He’s shown me hope,
he’s shown me the sun
Filtering through the autumn leaves
showing me the intricate veins.
He’s opened my mind,
healed my heart,
Revealed the light of life
banishing the shadows
and  setting me free.

Love is an open cage,
the door should always be ajar;
If you lock the other person in,
the bliss will only be brief.
If you leave the door open, so that
they may have
freedom
at any time,
Breathing is easier and a heart will beat long.

Ouch! Open wound
Every touch stings
Like me, like me
I’m an open wound
Every touch stings
Ouch! Doctor’s gotta cut,
Because infections do no good
Like me, like me
I gotta cut
Because infections do no good
Ouch! It’s healthy again,
But hurts like torture
Like me, like me
I’m healthy again,
But I hurt like torture
It’s just a scar now,
shiny pink reminder of pain
*Like me, like me
I’m just a scar now,
Shiny pink reminder of pain.

It's lucky I'm a poet;
if I wasn't a crafter of words,
it would be nearly
impossible
to find the words to describe
The swelling of my heart
whenever I think of you
(It's like my chest is about to burst)
The tingle in my stomach
when I know you're near
(It's so odd I really can't describe it,
except to say that it's impatient)
The surge of love and happiness,
warmth and comfort,
that fills me completely
when I melt into your arms
(Oh, it's so perfectly warm)
Oh, how do I describe my love?
It's another world,
attached to my older, darker one,
and only good things are allowed
to enter the sphere.
It's a swelling, like a tidal wave
crashing over me, but
I am not afraid.
It's home.
It's...home.
It's safe and it's warm, and...
It's home, being in your arms.
There is no place I'd rather be.

Only half a soul resides
inside a human casket
Just 50% of ethereal being,
feeling,
self.
And many live unaware
of what they truly search for
They think that they are empty
because they have no money
They think that they are empty
because they have no hope
But truly they are empty
because they only have half a soul
And everyone, yes, everyone,
has someone to someday meet
And every soul, yes, every soul
had another half to greet
So keep your feet moving
no matter how weary the journey
Your soul mate is waiting for you
and emptiness will be but a memory.

Your heartbeat
has become
my new favorite rhythm

Reverberating
through the warmth
of this perfect space

I haven't felt this
since the very first
silly little poems

As though my blood
has turned to ambrosia
and everything is sweet

Cloud 9
feels like nothing
when I think of you

We're on our own cloud,
safe and warm,
floating forever.

And suddenly
when I look at you
my heart flutters
in way that it hasn’t done
in a long time.

Overnight,
everything can change
Overnight,
hearts can break
Overnight,
lies can be told
Overnight,
a story can be changed
Overnight,
a fairy tale can go dark.

The owl sits
  perched upon his branch
    gazing at me with
      pirate's gold eyes.
I meet his eyes,
  so yellow, so wise,
    and I can see
      a secret.
A universe, an unknown world,
  the cure to save mankind.
    I see a way to end the madness,
      I see a way to fly.

Dance on a river of glass shards
stained with blood
The bottoms of your feet
streaked with shiny pink scars
Dance and dance,
you can't help but dance
The pain is too great to stand still.

A lightning blot

just touched me heart

Jagged white strip

of pain

Flash!

Heartbeats thunder

through my brain,

provoked

by fear's burning breath.

I’m trying to reach back
to reach the paint in my blood

To find the child in my soul
so she isn’t lost in the memories

I step through time
in my own head

Here in reality,
all lights are flashing red

It’s hard to stay in the present
when buttons make the world end

I just want to breathe
while I know I still can

And live with the paint
running free through my veins