This is a surprise,
This sudden bloom that has
Poked its head out
From the remains of two messy years
This is a surprise,
But I'm glad to see it.
I just hope I can help it to grow well.

i gotta type something
but i don't know what to write
my mind is fading
fading into the night
i'm about to shut down
about to lose control
so when the world starts spinning
just let me lose my hold
i am not in reality
i have gone away
into a place without mortality

When fog touches down
Covering the town
The mysteries come out
They come to scream and shout
They whisper, too
Sing soft lullabies
Hush, lost souls
so the living can sleep tonight.

Fury spins

Swirls

Through my veins

Screaming for release

I don't know how

To release it



Fear builds

Climbs

Into my throat

Threatening to smother

I don't know how

To avoid drowning



Darkness grows

Expands

Across my soul

Trying to **** me

I don't know how

To stay alive

I let myself
s
i
n
k,

I contemplate
d
r
o
w
n
i
n
g,

but I know that there is
l i f e
and
l o v e
waiting above,
so back up I swim.

Swing high, swing low
To the different birds I say hello
Then monsters come to devour the pretties
They grin and show me teeth full of flitties
Swing high, swing low
A demon pushes me onto a spiky pillow
Then cotton candy softens the blow
and turns to blood
Swing high, swing low
I really do not know
Why the female body causes so much distress
When the moon decides that it's time to fertilize
Swing high, swing low
There are no seeds to sow, so
please, hormones, just leave me alone.

Talking to strangers is odd...
Oddly refreshing.

the clouds, wisps
like spiderwebs,
hang delicately above
the sun's tangerine goodbye.

Fade away
into the next day
so the sun can warm your icy skin
so the light can revitalize you
so you can live to breathe
another day*
it's raining today
it's teardrops and gray
i can't breathe
when the sun is drowning in the raindrops
i drown in this puddle of tears
i fell down the rabbit hole,
i drank too much of the Drink Me
i shrank down, teeny-teeny-tiny
i'm drowing in my tears
i'm drowning, i can't be saved.*
"Wake up, child, wake up
'Tis naught but a dream, see,"
Aye, but my dreams reflect my soul.

I just can't help myself-
can't avoid
closing my eyes
and falling back in time
To that perfect moment
To that kiss

Every detail comes back
in vivid technicolor
I relive every second
Even milliseconds find their way
into my mind, making
A five-star movie
tht brings a smile every time.
When I lie awake and alone
and filled to the brim
with thoughts of you,
I just close my eyes,
I go back in time
And I don't feel so alone
anymore,
and I can wait
just a little bit longer
to finally see you again.

the tiny girl
   whose smile was broken
   by the mockingbirds
   and whose mind is cracked
   because no one understood her fragility.
it’s amazing that she’s still sane.

the boy
   who came home from school
   with bruises and broken teeth
   and screams still echoing in his ears
   that said he deserved to die.
it’s amazing that he’s still capable of love.

the girl
   who was abused by her father
   and tortured by her peers
   and haunted the halls of the hospital
   because she was afraid to live.
it’s amazing that she still lives.

let me tell you these stories,
   and then you can tell me again
   how your life ***** so much
   just because you can't go to prom.
   please, tell me again.
i would just love to hear about your “pain”.

Tell me, tell me,
tell me quietly
a whisper caressing my ear

Tell me, tell me,
tell me loudly
a shout to be heard by the world

Tell me, tell me,
tell me with a kiss
the gentle press of lips on lips

Tell me, tell me,
tell me with your soul
feel our souls touch and smile

Tell me, tell me,
tell me every day and night
*tell me that you love me.

I remember how it feels
I remember how it looks
I still see the ghosts
The scars of a temptation's hooks
I wish I could say that I've broken away
But
(even when I'm happy)
there are still times when I just wish
I could see the blood
one more time
(and when I'm dark and sad)
there are still times when I just wish
I could feel the pain
**one more time.

You tend to me
in a way
no one else has before,
letting me grow
anew.

We spoke our hearts last night,
and, ah, you're so gentle and patient.
But how much will that be tested
by my own hidden storm?
I don't want it to drive you away,
nor from guilt should you stay,
I only want the truth today-
Is this love strong enough to withstand
my war?

Okay,
so I've let you go,
and I'm oddly calm about it,
no freaky heart about it,
no hyperventilation, over-exaggeration
no panicking and crying on the floor about it
I think maybe I'm okay
I think maybe that today
it is safe to say
that I'm moving on
from you.
And thank you, dear sir, thank you
You opened my eyes to so much of the world
You showed me love, and you showed me heartbreak
So thank you, dear sir, yes, thank you,
And feel free to stop by again
someday.
You have a place in my heart, a special place, always;
You're welcome here, always
I'm not mad at you, I swear
Am I sad, au contraire!
I think that I feel rather freed...
Leaving me without a goodbye
Left me on the floor, feeling like I might die
All I really needed was some closure
So, thank you, dear sir, thank you
For tossing this gal one last word.

It’s thinking of him that makes me feel alive again.

The Atmosphere is crumbling
Because she cannot see her love
The Earth below is shrouded in cloud
Too dark for her to see through

The Atmosphere is crumbling
Thunder pulses through her
And gravity is pulling her down
As outside forces beat at her bright shine

The Atmosphere is crumbling
She hates this growing pain
All she wants is to see the Earth
But the clouds just will not fade away

The Atmosphere might crumble
There is just no way to know
But every day she reminds herself
That if she falls, Earth is left unprotected and alone

Every day
I am falling down
And every night
You come and pick me up
And hold me close
Hold me close so I can see
There's a sky in your eyes
There's a universe in your mind
I wanna be the center
The brightest star in the sky,
Burning forever
But even if I'm not, that's okay
Because I have you here for now.

see inside me
look into the ocean-green stained glass eyes
to find
what truly lies
at the core of me
is it darkness? or is it light?
is it gray, the middle in between
what is it that lies
at the core of me?

There is
a pane
of glass,
standing upright
and surrounded
by several different people.

A large hammer
is swinging
repeatedly
into the glass,
cracking it
more
and
more
over time.

Eventually,
the glass
s
       h
    a
          t
  t    e
           r
      s
        ,
and the pieces fly
and hit the surrounding people,
causing wounds big and small.

The people stumble
and cry
and they wonder why
they could not see the cracks in the glass.
They wonder
if they could have stopped it
sooner.

But it's too late now,
and now they all bleed,
and now they all cry,
and some of them may die -

Because no one saw
the cracks in the glass.

Once upon a time,
a princess small and fair
sat in a simple wooden tower.
She spent her days
surrounded by stories and songs,
and let the whispers of tales
sing her softly to sleep.
But, one day, a curse fell across her mind,
sent by an unknown spellcrafter.
The curse shrouded the princess’s thoughts in darkness.
The princess grew fearful of every passing day,
distrustful of the ones she loved,
and her stories and songs
became her only remaining comfort.
The princess spent many years
tormented by this terrible curse,
a foul spell that forced her to
doubt her life
and draw her own blood.
She was trapped, frightened and alone,
in her cold wooden tower,
and her only company was the monsters who came
to feed on her fear.
One dark and rainy day,
the princess was startled to see
a pair of warm, brown eyes
peering through her window.
She gazed into those eyes,
and suddenly felt something stir in her chest.
It was a feeling that she hadn’t experienced
since the days before her curse:
Love, and trust.
The princess opened the window
and let the eyes’ owner climb in out of the rain.
The boy standing before her saw
the monsters in the princess’s room,
and he drew his sword.
The princess cried out, startled.
The young knight looked at her and said,
“Never fear, princess. I will always protect you, no matter the cost.
Your monsters cannot drive me away.”
To prove his point,
he ran his sword through the beasts one by one.
One monster managed to escape, scurrying out the window,
but the rest turned to dust on the knight’s shining blade.
The knight turned to the princess and fell to his knees,
taking her small, soft hand in his.
“My fair princess, I have been watching you, lonely in your tower,
and I have seen the curse’s power.
If you would allow it,
I would like to stay by your side,
to protect you from any monsters that may come your way,
and help you find a way to break the curse.”
The princess gazed down at the knight with shining eyes,
then knelt so her eyes were level with his.
“I will let you stay, knight, for I see loyalty and truth in your eyes...and I also see hope.
I feel that you will help me break the foul curse that has been placed upon me.”
The knight lifted a hand and gently rested it on her cheek.
“Then I vow to protect you until my dying breath, princess.
I swear I will never leave your side.”
The knight leaned in and sealed his vow with a gentle kiss,
and the princess gasped as the world around them suddenly brightened,
the tower’s icy chill faded into a pleasant warmth,
and the princess’s darkest thoughts faded away.
She knew that the curse was not broken,
but something had been changed,
and the change was wrought by the knight’s kiss.
She looked at the knight kneeling before her with wide eyes.
“You are meant to be my savior,” she whispered.

I hate being a damsel in distress,
Lying on the railroad tracks
with a villian laughing behind me
I’ve always fought back
Tie him up instead,
let him squirm in the coral snake pit
I’ve never liked being saved,
Seen as fragile and weak,
Standing here with my pretty dress and rose-petal cheeks
No, I’m not fragile, I’m not weak
I prefer boots over slippers
Trousers over skirts
I’m not some poor, defenseless litte princess
I know how to weild a sword

But then my knight came along,
And while I’d still fight,
There were battles I could not win,
Not without him
And when I collapsed beneath the dragon’s feet,
My knight came
Weilding a sword of tear-stained steel,
The metal reinforced with soul mates’ heartstrings
And he was brave, slaying the dragon
Even as I tried to get back up on my feet and say “Nay!”
The great beast fell, and my knight turned to me
Eyes glimmering with fear
“I know you prefer to defend yourself,
But it looked like you needed me here;
I couldn’t just let him devour you.”
I stepped forward, booted feet suddenly light
And surprised him with a crushing hug.
“Thank you,” I said, “thank you.
I will owe you forever for this, my knight.”
He smiled at me, relief lighting his face, and replied
“All I need in return is you by my side.”
We sealed the promise with a kiss.

But that still doesn’t make me
A damsel in distress.
I’m a knight, too, just like him,
And we save each other.

let me tell you
the tale of the girl
who looked like nothing was wrong
whose life really was good
but still felt that
her world was shattering
the shards flew into her skin
leaving silver scars behind
her parents closed their eyes
and her friends silently wondered why
the darkness had no reason
the pain had no cause
but it was there, and she was falling
she will be
the death of herself.

My darling,
my love,
my moon and my stars,

I want you to know
about the little devil
living in my brain.

You haven’t really met her yet,
she’s quite vile and cruel,
and I hate what she makes me do.

You see her in my anxiety,
when I text you far too much,
or call so late at night.

But you haven’t yet seen her
in my depression,
here in my darkest times.

She makes me want to cry,
she makes me want to die.
She tells me that
you don’t love me,
She tells me that you will fly
away and leave me
to my torment.
She tells me that I’m
stupid and ugly and useless,
horrible and selfish and sad.
She tells me to hurt myself,
that I’ll feel better once I bleed.

She tells me that everything
would be so much easier
if I just gave up
and drew my last breath.

She tells me terrible things,
and sometimes,
I believe her.

But now you’re here.
You’re the voice of reason,
my reminder that I’m
not a waste a space.
You muffle her whispers
with your warmth.

So, yes, she’s still here,
and she’ll still fight
to make me quit.

But I know
I can keep fighting back
for you.

O, the distant lover,
she won't look you in the eye
Unless there is an absence
of outside presence.

She distracts herself
to feel less awkward,
less like an elementary child fumbling
to meet a classmate's lips
behind the playground slide.
But every so often,
she'll take the chance
of meeting your gaze
of touching her heart to yours
and she'll lean in for
another passionate kiss.

Her love is painted red;
Memories;
Photographs in the darkroom
lit by red lights
dripping with chemicals
Each second carefully captured
and imprinted in her skin
for future reference.
"Did it happen? I believe it did,"
She won't know until
she sees you again.

She loves you quite bit,
this distant lover,
so erase that hidden doubt
and just hold her close
Fingers twined together
and a kiss on the cheek
Make her smile, infinitely happy,
And trust me when I say
she's just as eager for
the next kiss
as you.

My nose is above the water,
My lips just below
The waves sweep over my head
And I struggle to breathe
I’m trying to survive here,
Trying to stay afloat
But it’s hard to stay bouyant
When I’ve become so numb and cold
Just above me, I can see a fogged-over sun
I wish it would shine, clear and free
I wish it could spread its blanket of rays across me
Warm blanket of gold thread
Let me sleep here, warm
A wave sweeps over my head
I’m drowning again
I can’t sleep here, it’s much to cold
The only way I can close my eyes
Is if I let myself die
But there across the sea
My love is waiting for me
He sits on an island, toes in the waves
He’s waiting there for me
My limbs are weak, my heart is giving in
But, **** it all, I will still swim
I will keep fighting these arctic waves
Until I have finally reached my love,
And I can be warm with him again.

This loneliness
is a painful hollow
in my chest -
There are people who
want to fill it,
but cannot.
So I sit
in this empty pit
and try not to cry.
I don’t know
if I can ever feel
right
again.

The bear's name wasn't always Heartbreak.
He used to be Teddy Bear Chester, a symbol of the future. He was hope.
His fur was soft when he was first bought, the ribbon on his neck shiny and clean.
His eyes glimmered with artificial joy.
He was hugged tightly on Valentine's Day, greeted with a pleased squeal.
He could feel the love between her and the gifter.
The bear was kept warm every night
as the girl lay and dreamt of her love.
Sometimes he was held tight in daylight, too,
as heartache racked her body and tears threatened to spill.
For months he was loved well.

But then the love was accompanied by pain.
He was moved to a new place, with the same girl.
Different bed, same heart.
Same loneliness and love.

He felt the pain grow in the girl.
The loneliness. The sadness.
There was still love, but it was slowly smothered.

Then it was gone.

So he became the Heartbreak Bear,
his new home a shelf in the closet.
Before he was hidden away he saw
her with a new lover,
a smile on her face.
He felt new love within her,
and closed his eyes as she later tucked him away.
Her touch was still gentle on his now-greasy fur,
ragged from countless nights buried under her covers.
She brushed one last kiss across his head,
then set him down
and closed the door.
And the Heartbreak Bear now sits in darkness.
He can still hear her laughing, feel her loving.
She is still warm.

I always find the hungry men,
the wild men,
the ones who are barely restrained
And sometimes they lose control
and the fangs come out
and the claws slice
me into shiny little bits
Stain my petal-skin with blood.

I always find the hungry men,
who tear me apart night after night,
Who make me scream again and again
"Oh, please, not one more bite!"
I fear they will devour me
as they sip lightly on my nectar
But pleasure mixed with pain and fear -
Oh! Explosive, I cannot even think anymore!

I always find the hungry men,
Who make a flower bloom and bleed;
They tear me to bits and try not to breed,
*And in the morning I can still say
"Love."

The hungry men crowd around me,
eyes glistening as they gaze upon my skin;
But one pair of eyes stands out from the rest -
they glisten, too, but there's more than hunger.
I feel connected, protected,
like I'm not just being devoured.
I am being nurtured.

The hungry men moan and groan,
fingers brushing against my neck,
but I step away, towards one.
He is not an eager beast, he is a flower, too,
disguised by the shadows.
The moonlight hit him right to show
fangs and claws and an evil glow.
Take the darkness away, I see
a kinder man staring back at me.
He touches to feel, he feels more than just
the rush of nectar beneath my skin.

The hungry men growl behind my back, but
he is cautious, slow, gentle, warm -
his heart is not a pile of scar tissue.
There are just enough scars for him to understand
that love and hate go hand in hand.
He opens under my touch,
reveals what few people see.
Trust is a foundation,
and we build our castle.

I turn to tell the hungry men goodbye.

Kiss me breathless, kiss me drunk,
Kiss me ‘till I have have sunk
Under the waves of warm desire;
I’m not afraid to drown during the lovers’ hour.

I never thought that
I’d be cursed
With such a darkness
that I feel now

The sun was always shining
in my child’s mind
but the darkness forced it out
slowly and painfully

So now I am stuck with
this darkest disease, unable
to find peace, unable to control
the monster sitting under my skin

I fear that it will eventually
destroy everything I am
before I can even
catch a final breath of air

Why must you be so far away from me,
my love?
The Fates pull you away,
but I will never let go.
As the snow outside sparkles,
reflecting the soft, silver moonlight,
I gaze up at the stars through my window
and think only of you
Oh, I wish I knew
when it is that I will see you
I wish there didn’t have to be so much uncertainty
But life is a compilation
of uncertain moments
And we must learn to wade through
the wide ocean of fear
so that our fingertips can touch
and I know that you’re still here.

The words of Keats stick to my brain
“To cease upon midnight with no pain”
Though I am scared to
I’ll confess my deepest fear
Since the beginning of time
Humankind has theorized
The meaning of the end
Is it an eternal sleep, the black that comes
Or is it a soul’s journey to another place?
I do not know who to believe
And that makes me afraid
I am terrified of the words “The End”
I’ll admit it, oh, yes, I’ll admit it:
I am terrified of death.

Sometimes I wonder
how it would feel
to just be numb
all the time
To feel the way I used to feel,
like nothing ever hurt me, nothing broke through
my cold, stainless steel walls
Sometimes I wonder
if I would rather feel that way again
Because sometimes emotion
is just too cumbersome to carry every day

I remind myself that
to feel emotion is to be human, to be alive
And I very much prefer being alive
to being a cold, steel statue
Resting forgotten at the bottom of the sea
wishing she could see the sky again

Being alive is worth the pain
of having a heartbeat.

I don’t believe in any deity,
But I still hope and pray every day
That I will never feel true heartbreak;
*I hope and pray every day
that I will never lose you.

The ballerina twirls
in her porcelain skirt,
Twirls thin and white
on her pretty box
With shimmering music notes
spinning around her.
A pale hand
stabbing the air above her head,
The other hand holding a stomach
that dips rather than protrudes.
She spins on pale legs,
twig-thin and ready to snap.
How do those tipped toes hold her up
so stable and strong,
How does she find the energy to
keep spinning, keepkeep spinning?
I think if I take a closer look
at those tiny dark eyes open wide,
I will see the shine of hidden tears;
she is not allowed to cry.

i.
It burns, it grows,
It threatens to devour me;
I can see why love is often compared to a flame.

ii.
Soft and gentle, this
kiss ignites a thousand flames;
My soul is ablaze.

iii.
It is a hunger, a burning desire,
And it is sweetness, soft comfort
All at once - how can this be?

v.
Whisper those bright words
to light up my dark gray sky;
Show me a new light.

iv.
This does not make a lick of sense,
This shatters everything i’ve known;
The fairytales are true, after all.

iiv.
I wonder if you
can see what you’ve done to me;
I am now awake.

So this is what finally tips
the saltwater bucket,
sends the rivers down my cheeks-
Home cannot be home without you here,
and I wish you didn’t have to go.

Falling down
dead
Wrapped in
gray
Losing sight of
light
Letting go of the
day
A flash of
electricity
Nine thousand volts
straight to the heart
Wake me up
Make me see
Return me to
life.

Dance on a skeleton tightrope,
Bones strung across a bottomless hole
One foot in front of the other
With spiderwebs holding your wrists prisoner
Pill bottles around the sink
Tapping on their tiptoes
Lined up to greet you,
To pour sleepdeathdarkness down your throat
A knife spins on its scarlet-stained tip
A weeping chasm divides the solidity of your vein
Railroad tracks on snow, the crows lose their voices
And drop feathers into the frost
Feathers fill your head so you cannot thinkspeakbreathe
A kiss of sunshine tries to wake you,
But you’re too far under
The frigid waves
Palms raised to the walls of the iceberg
Lips parted to sing a song of release me please
Hushandshush no one wants to hear you cry, deary
Stitch a smile into your lips
Hide the tears that dance on your vocal strings
No one wants to see the broken doll
Who dances on cracked limbs
Porcelain dancing on thin ice, watch it
S h
A
Tte
R
Watch her fall
No one really wanted to save her after all
Dance in a nightmare, cry in a dream
The pain will make me burst at the seams
I can see the blood spilling
Onto the tile floor
It stains my eyes, it stains my heart
It digs claws into my soul to tear me apart
The fog tranforms into laughing ghosts
Their faces are the masks of tragedy
Their eyes are everything I fear
These are not words that I want to hear
A boy with eyes the color of chocolate and mahogany
Is desperate to keep me safe
But I am afraid
Even the warmest kiss cannot melt the icicles lining my veins
Here I go, to walk the skeleton tightrope,
My tears fall into the bottomless void
Behind me, the monsters ask me to fall
Ahead my soul begs me to
Put one foot
Ahead of the other
Keep walking the skeleton tightrope, forward
Into the gleaming city of hope.

Skylark soaring through soul-gray clouds,

She tries to find her way;

A raven chases after her,

He cannot stay away

She flies through storm and sun,

She opens her beak and sings;

The raven, following,

Closes his eyes to listen

The skylark searches for her true home,

Wonders where her heart belongs;

The raven sees his universe in her,

Yearns for more of her sweet song

At last, a lake looms below,

With an island fit for two;

The skylark lands, the raven follows

Shy in the moonlight

The skylark’s song soothes his chaotic night.

Let our whispers,
our laughter and our screams,
the sounds of love, of desire and pleasure;
Let the sounds of us stain the sky -
I think we can brighten the stars with our love.

I see the storm

Brewing inside you;

Lightning flashes in your eyes.

You’re angry, love, I see it, I know,

But I am not afraid.

And while your silences frightens me,

The serious tone, I hate,

I am not afraid of the storm.

I will not back away, love,

I’d rather be struck by lightning.

Water
droplets
glistening in the sunlight
When the sun sets,
they’ll turn blood-red
When the moon comes up,
it’s silver they’ll shed
My memories slip down my cheeks,
And disappointment leaks
Out of the little red chasm
That’s formed in my skin
I express my insanity
With an unreasonable grin
Pay no mind
To this crazy little girl
Listen not to her ramblings,
Ignore the cracks in her skin
One day, she’ll simply break
And the world’ll be a better place
Ah, the voices,
There they are!
Whispering their little lies again
Gossipmongers wring their hands
Even they can’t spread words
Like my demons can
There’s just two things
To keep me sane
So that my life doesn’t simply wane
A kiss, warm and true,
Brings a flush back to my death-white cheeks,
And words scrawled down in the dead of night
Remind me of magic.